The condition

Clary's POV

"H-How did you know that it was Alpha?" I asked my dad when I recovered from thinking the things that he has just said about my body and healing.

He clears his throat and stared at me, still with the seriousness in his eyes, "I know that eyes, Clary...I know it too well."

He looks sad when he said those words. I wonder what he meant. My gut feels that there is more than to it, there is something that my dad has not telling me. I do not know in which part, but there is something bothering him.

I couldn't ask him, though. I trusted my dad too much that I will trust his judgment on not telling me the thing that has bothering him. If it is not important for him to tell, then it is not that important for me to know. I trust my father that much. Afterall, he was the only one who rescued me in my own sister.

Now that I thought of it, I don't think I will be able to step a foot in that house again. I was too terrified to even remember what happened in that day. I cannot even thought of her terrifying facial expression that day. My body, however, cannot forget the feeling that it has left me. Whenever I see these casts and braces to heal the fractures in my body, I can remember how it felt like. The excruciating pain that I felt just because I am following my feelings.

"Dad," I called him when he was about to leave the room. "I don't want to come home, ever again." I added.

He turned around and stared at me. He smiled sadly and said, "I know, let us talk about it later."

I only nodded as a sign of my consent. He left after that, in which Alpha entered again.

I bit my lip and shifted my gaze to the window, to the other direction where he was standing. I don't want to see his expression for seeing me like this. I cannot see him vulnerable for seeing me like this...and I don't want him to pity me for being a crippled woman at this state.

"Clary..." His voice sounded so frustrated.

I did not bother to look at him, though. I am too afraid to see his expression. It was a mistake that he is right here, but if my body really heals faster because of him, his presence would be a lot of help in my condition. However, I really don't like the idea that he is seeing me like this. I also don't like the feeling that I will be using him for me to heal fast. It sounded absurd and selfish, but I missed him very much.

My thoughts are full of buts, I can't help but to contradict all my principles just to see him. I am that in love with him and it is probably too much but I cannot hold this feeling.

"Look at me," he said with full authority, there is also a hint of frustration in his voice.

I bit my lip once again and did not follow his command. I cannot look at those eyes of him, it will probably make me cry and the last thing I want in this situation is to sound desperate and helpless.

He held my hand and caressed it, "please...look at me Clary."

It sounded like he was begging that I cannot help but to look at him at the eyes.

Just as the emotion that I am afraid to see in his eyes, he looks miserable and frustrated. His hair to is a bit messy than it usually does. Nevertheless, he still looks so brutally handsome as ever.

I do not know what should I tell him, I cannot think of anything that I should say with him by my side. I am just too glad that I can see him because I have missed him a lot. The time in this room has been too slow than it normally goes in the outside and it makes me long for him to be with me. I am yearning to go out of this and be with him again.

I couldn't care if Andrea will attempt to kill me again. I just want to spend my time with him.

"Is it because of me?" He gulped and I couldn't longer see the Alpha who is brave, cold, and brutal. His voice sounded that he is afraid and guilty of the things that had happened with me. His voice doesn't sounded like it usually does, it sounded too fragile...and I cannot bear to see him if I am only making his feel this way.

I shook my head as I gripped and caressed his hand that was holding mine. I was surprised to feel some wound in his knuckles when I caressed his hand. When I checked it, there were actually wounds in his knuckle. It looks like he punched a really hard object and that made me worried.

"What did you do, Alpha?" I asked out of worry, too afraid that he has done an impulsive move. It doesn't suit him, he is always composed and cold. He is the type of leader who will think first every little details before doing something.

He did not answered and kissed my hand that he was holding. My arm has a cast that he was not able to lif my hand. Instead, he bowed down his head and kissed it. It felt comforting, his presence comforts me the most and it would be suck if I will just let my sister forbid me from seeing him. I have obeyed everything that they ordered, it is time for me to choose myself this time. I will face death, just to have him.

His lips remained on my hands, as if he was apologizing for me being at this condition.