You Were Pregnant

Clary's POV

She was surprised that I was confused with the thing that she has just said. She bit her lip as if she has done something wrong which made me got even more curious.

"I am sorry...I presume that you are not yet aware," she said out of worry. She looks still looked surprised.

I crossed my brows, still not aware on what she was saying. I am puzzled with it and it will not stop me now from asking things.

"Aware of what?" I asked again which made her sigh and guilty about what she said earlier.

"You lost a child, Erina..." she stated with her voice being low, it sounded that she does not want to tell me about it.

My heart went heavy when I heard her words but I couldn't still comprehend the thing that she has just said. I lost a child? How is that even possible?

"You were pregnant..." she paused for a second probably finding some words that could fit in. "We were not able to save your child, I am sorry."

I suddenly held my womb, uncertain about it. I was pregnant? The night that I was attacked by those wolves is the night that I lost my child? Again, I feel robbed. I felt stupid. I was pregnant and I wasn't even aware of it. I am that stupid and dumb, how could I not feel it? How could I not know it?

My heart ached at that thought. I was not able to protect my baby, I let her die in that woods that night. I wasn't able to protect her, she must have been angry with me. I could have defended myself that night, for my baby. But I lost her. I don't deserve this life, I was that stupid.

"W-Where is she?" I asked as my tears started to flow out of my eyes, again. I felt like this life is too bitter for me to live, everything is just too unfair. I could have loved my child, I wouldn't make her feel the things that I felt in that family...but it is now late. I wouldn't be able to do that.

"We buried her beside your mother's tomb," she said with her eyes filled with sorry. "I'll ask Marcus to bring you there."

I nodded with my eyes still filled with tears. I couldn't think of anything but blame myself for that night. I should have stayed inside that room, I should have slept that night quietly. In that way, I could have protected my baby. I could have protected her and we could have lived together... but I was so stupid for roaming that woods in that night. I was so stupid...

Marcus guided me to my mother's tomb. I never thought that I will be facing her tomb this soon...and I never thought that I will be having a child beside her. I was too broken, the regret has coming towards me and I couldn't do anything but regret more.

My cousin, Marcus, gave me a space with my mother and my child. He left for a while, leaving me here in front of the two people that I had failed.

"Mother, have you waited long for me? I'm sorry for only visiting you at this age," I said, with my eyes tearing out of misery. I felt so low and empty at this point.

"We could have lived together, mother. I can feel that you will love me and support me for everything." I said bitterly.

"Have you met my baby? I was a fool for losing her, I am not as good as mother like you...I lost her, mother. I feel so bad...I want to hold her in my arms and read some bedtime story." I started sobbing because of the heavy feeling of losing someone.

"What could have happened if I lived with you, mom? Are we going to conquer the world? We will raise my child together, mom...We could have do that but you both left me in this world. You left me here, alone."

At that point, while I am talking at my mother, I couldn't think of anything but to have a revenge. Andrea killed my child, she killed an innocent child just to get to me. She robbed my innocent child a life that could be colorful. I couldn't forgive for that, I couldn't forgive her for everything that she has done in my life. There is no way I will forgive her, that will not happen. I will make her taste everything that I felt.

I am no saint to forgive her for everything that she has done. She will pay for it, I will make sure that she will.

I touched the tomb of my child, "your mom is sorry, I was not able to protect you...Please forgive your mom, I am really sorry for making you go through this." I said with all the emotions mixing and turning into anger. I felt so miserable that I needed to have the justice to be served. In that way, I could be relieved that my child will be at peace in the heaven.

"Mom loves you so much," I said with agony and kissed her tomb, hoping that it will somehow get to her in heaven. Hoping that she could feel the love that she wasn't able to feel when she was in my womb.

Being a daughter and a mother, I couldn't think of anything but to be stronger and make the responsible wolves pay for everyone that I have lost. Today, Clary is already dead and she will never come back alive. I will never be her again, I will be stronger to serve justice.

"Marcus..." I called my cousin who is leaning in one of the trees with his eyes observing me.

"Could you please teach me how to use a dagger?"

He nodded, "anything for you, Erina."