5. Parasite Date (1)
“Now, let’s say our favourite colour at the same time, Miss Irene.”
“...Sure.”
“Three, two, one!”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...?”
“Red.”
“Red!!”
“...”
“Woah! No way, we have the same favourite colours. I guess we were just meant to be together, don't you think?”
The monster tilted her head, rays of sunlight gleaming on her abyss-like hair.
“You know.”
The strength of her hand that was holding mine began to grow. I was suddenly reminded of the time I watched a cute bunny being strangled to death by a snake on National Geographic.
“Yes?”
“You will be delicious.”
“You flatter me too much, Miss Irene.”
Aha ha ha aha ah ha ha…
Again with that strange laugh. But it didn’t really bother me anymore.
Perhaps, because of a trick of the light, or maybe for the reason that her hair was covering her usually intense eyes. But for a moment, just a single second, she was captivating.
I almost found myself falling for her.
Almost.
Anyways, how did I achieve this impeccable atmosphere on a date with a genuine monster?
Well, it only took me one hour. I’m a pro, after all.
Let me tell you how.
“Will you lend me your arm, Miss Irene?”
I tensed my eye muscles and turned the corners of my mouth upwards, trying my best shot at a gallant expression.
“…”
Fuck.
Don’t do this to me.
Many scholars and intellectuals believe that death or torture is the worst fate a human being can receive. However, after much intensive thinking and pondering, I’ve come to a conclusion.
Being left on read is much worse.
Thus, when facing the real-life equivalent of being left on read, it made me a little bit sad. I wasn’t interested in her either, which made it feel even more unfair.
But this wasn’t the time to give up and despair.
Schwing!
With an exaggerated motion, I slicked back my hair and turned towards Irene, bowing slightly.
“My lady.”
When I looked up.
“…Hahhh.”
I saw something disturbing.
The monster’s entire face was covered in a hot flush, reaching down deep into her neck and her generous cleavage. With hazy eyes and a line of drool, I was reminded of a wild animal in heat.
[Interest has increased by one point.]
“Miss Irene…?”
What the hell.
How long had she been like this?
“…!”
She suddenly lurched and jerked forward, shoving her long arm into mine.
“Shall we depart, Miss?”
I looked straight ahead, not daring to look at her face again. To be honest, I was a little terrified of what I would see.
“...Yes.”
Ahem.
Then, let's do this.
Operation knight in shining armor. The plan is rather simple. Put on a show of acting like a charming knight from one of those silly fairytales, and make her feel important. Like a treasured little princess.
Though, in this case, the princess is an eight foot tall monster girl.
…
Well, how hard can it possibly be.
Creeeaak
My rusty door swung open with a groaning sound.
“Handsome mister.”
“Yes?”
“What is your name.”
“I have a policy of not sharing that information…”
[Annoyance has increased by one point.]
[Interest has increased by one point.]
“But because it's you! Miss Irene, of course I’ll tell you.”
“...”
“Mirai.”
“I see.”
[Annoyance has decreased by one point.]
[Interest has decreased by one point.]
Mirai. Mirai. Mirai, Mirai, Mirai.
As we walked down the hall, with her hand holding onto my arm, she repeatedly muttered my name under her breath. It was as if she was rolling it around with her tongue.
But I was focused on something else.
[Miss Intruder]
[Interest: 8/10]
[Boredom: 1/10]
[Annoyance: 3/10]
If any of these values were to hit ten, my fate will become quite the gruesome one.
If annoyance hits ten, I’ll most likely be killed out of spite.
If boredom hits ten, I’ll probably be killed once I’m no longer a source of amusement.
And if interest hits ten?
“Rape.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Okay...”
If anything, the system is reminiscent of those resource management games. The number one priority for now is decreasing interest.
“Miss Irene.”
I could feel her hand gripping tightly to my arm. It felt cold and a little bit moist, like a dead person’s.
“I enjoy classical music, peaceful scenery, and reading the encyclopedia."
Behold.
All the boring things in the world. Amazing isn’t it.
“...”
“I also enjoy watching paint dry and grass grow.”
“You.”
We had been walking side-by-side, but due to her height, my head was directly next to her breasts. Thus, when she suddenly stopped, I was slapped in the face by a large flesh watermelon.
“Ouch…!!"
“You.”
“Yes?”
“What are you trying to do?”
She leaned in close, putting her face directly in front of mine. It seemed the monster had no knowledge of the term ‘personal space’.
“Well–”
At that moment.
With almost suspiciously excellent timing.
“Stooooooppp!!!!!! Don’t hurt hiiiiimmmm!!!!”
The door right across from us swung open.
“Youuuu!!!! Don’t hurt MiraiiiiiI!!!”
A woman with a large hoodie hanging over her frame and bangs covering her eyes. Someone I had never seen before.
“What the…”
The woman began sprinting towards us.
I turned my head to the right to observe the monster’s expression.
[Annoyance has increased by three points.]
A ferocious smile full of stained teeth had appeared once more.
Well, in this situation, there was only one thing to do.
Sigh.
You have my apologies, unknown woman.
“YOU!! JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MISS IRENE PRESENCE!!”
I, too, began sprinting while shouting at full volume. Shifting all my strength into my legs, I leaped forward with my right leg extended.
“K-Kyaaaaaah!!!!”
BANG!
Like that, I did a flying kick and slammed my foot right into the woman’s stomach.
[Annoyance has decreased by two points.]
“Tsk. How dare you interrupt Miss Irene’s date.”
I folded my arms nonchalantly and turned my head to the side, striking a dashing pose as if I were a knight that had just slayed a dragon to save the princess.
The strange woman had collapsed onto the floor, foam bubbling out of her open mouth.
Please, stay down.
Don't get back up and be a hero!
“M-Mirai… run away… ack…”
“Let’s go, Miss Irene. I apologize that this scum has tarnished your experience.”
“...Very well.”
With a slight smile on her face, the monster extended her hand in an elegant manner towards me, gesturing for me to take it.
Very well, huh.
And so, we departed from my apartment, leaving behind the strange woman.
Was she perhaps a neighbor who had attempted to save me? If that’s the case, she has my thanks. I’m sorry for kicking you. If I didn’t, you probably would have been killed and eaten, though.
After about a minute of walking, which I filled with small talk on the topic of how the apocalypse would affect the political and socio-economic state of the world, we arrived at a cafe.
“This is a cafe.”
“True.”
In silent agreement, I held open the door as she stepped inside.
However, there was just one thing.
There were no workers!
Though, the place was surprisingly clean. You would expect locations with food to be smashed up and looted, but everything was rather tidy. I suppose all those movies were propaganda.
“Perhaps we should find a different…?”
“No.”
Irene smiled softly, her eyes creasing like a cat’s.
“This is fine.”
We sat down at a table near the window. It had an excellent view of a few human corpses and a car in a state of melting.
Hey.
Wait a minute.
Isn't that my car?
Oh my god.
What do I do. Go out and pour a bucket of water on it? But it's not even on fire, its just melting in some sort of strange way, like ice cream in the sun. Even more, I'll have to interrupt the date to salvage it, which is terrible manners. I can already see a system notification saying some bullshit like 'annoyance has increased by 7 points'.
You know what. Forget it.
I don't need a car. It's better for both me and the environment this way.
“Mirai.”
The monster girl folded her hands into her lap and tilted her head as she looked directly into my eyes.
“Yes?”
“Be honest.”
“As you wish, Miss Irene.”
In truth, though this was our first meeting with each other, that wasn’t the case in the physical sense. If before there was a fragile sense of harmony, now, hostility was more explicit than goodwill.
“You.”
Ah.
“On the 8th month and 16th day, at the daybreak of 4 o’clock.”
Well.
“Despite her trusting and believing in you.”
If I could just explain.
“You were the one who murdered the original owner of this body.”
