CHAPTER 96

Damien's POV

After three stops away from Lisa, the vehicle finally came to a stop in front of her house before I had the guts to ask Jude to take me there.

Those trips were made for two reasons: to buy her a present and to get the confidence to come visit her here after a period of time apart.

I'm still unsure of what I want to say, but I believe our conversation is overdue. It's time for me to quit being a coward and speak with her about everything.

Nothing will change if I write down everything I think and do for her to read. I must possess the manliness to approach her, own my error, and offer an apology for what I have done.

I get out of the vehicle and walk in with it as a gift for Lisa, gazing down at the box, the flower, and the parcel beside me.

On second thinking, I believe it is improper of me to act in this manner given that I haven't adequately apologized to her. I go back to Jude and reach the objects in his direction.

When I go back, you'll take it inside, no problem? He nods as I say to him.

My heart is thumping rapidly in my ribs as I spin around, tuck in my tie, and adjust my well-tailored Italian suit that I chose expressly for today. I then take hesitant steps toward the front door.

Tonight, I should put a stop to everything. The suffering. the misperception and the anger she harbors for me.

Even if I may despise kids, I would never despise a child I had. And it was simply my own philosophy, after all.

Evidently, I didn't despise kids. Simply put, I find it upsetting to think about them and depressing to consider losing them.

My wife Helena and I had many ideas for our son. For his arrival, Helena completed a ton of shopping and had a crib made.

When she became pregnant, I saw Helena's addiction to shopping. She shopped largely for the baby instead of for herself.

I got rid of everything when they passed away out of frustration and rage. I detested the thought of a crib. Any embroidered pajamas she bought for him or anything else with the little characteristics of a young kid who was supposed to be my firstborn and heir made me sick to my stomach.

I was left devastated since it didn't happen.

The door is thrown upon me before I even know I am already at the threshold, my head lowered, and tears are silently streaming down my face.

"Damien?" I immediately glance up as she speaks, and I can feel my face becoming moist.

She doesn't say anything in response to my tears, but her expressionless.

I quickly wash my face after looking down, feeling ashamed that I was seen doing this.

What the heck am I doing wrong?

I said, "What are you doing here?" I'm once again startled out of my trance by her nasty voice, and I glance back up.

She seems to be getting ready to go on a stroll because of her untidy hairdo, large top, and large pants.

"Can I enter?"

She steps onto the porch and says, "No, I'm going outside," before closing the door.

We need to speak, kindly. Give me a few minutes, and I'll be done right now and then. Lisa, kindly.

I would want to say a lot, but I can't. We can't go on like this. We can't welcome our kid into the world with this animosity between us since he is soon to be born.

The opposite of animosity is how I feel for Lisa, although I know she despises me to such an extent. Her face speaks for itself. She may never be able to forgive me since I damaged her so profoundly.

She reluctantly unlocks the door once again and enters, leaving it open so that I may follow. Grandma isn't there when I go in, and I'm left wondering where she is.

I wonder if they were able to mend their differences. Grandma and Lisa. Grandma is upset with her for leaving without considering the repercussions of her actions.

I had no idea Lisa was so obstinate, but I know I'm to blame. She was obedient, calm, responsible, compassionate, and attentive in addition to being industrious, but I took all of that away with my conduct, which caused her to err even more on the side of her behavior that I didn't like.

I hope she will pardon me since I regret all I did.

Although the idea in my brain is to blame, it's not totally my responsibility. It is believed that my commitment to Helena is true, and I may live a happy life while keeping to their promise.

"Can you do it quickly? She stands with her arms crossed, saying, "I'm already running late for my evening stroll.

I beg with my eyes, "Let's sit down, please." She gives me a long look before submitting it.

It's amazing how quickly things can change, and now I find myself becoming reluctant to express my thoughts to Lisa because of the way she used to be.

always afraid of me. When you're with me, you tremble.

I take a seat on the couch a little apart from her, and stillness follows. I'm considering where to start.

Have you received my letter? I ask gently, avoiding her gaze. I detest the anger I see in her eyes and would like not to observe it once again.

"No!" She speaks sternly, and something in me tells me that she is lying. She isn't at all skilled at lying.

I still nod. I'm sorry if I offended you; trust me, that wasn't my aim.

She's going to interrupt me and yell at me, I fear. She is, nevertheless, silent while she rages.

"I believed I was doing morally. Although I was preoccupied with the contract, it was only because I believed it to be the proper course of action. I've been missing the pure joy I had while we were together for about two years. It took me six months to discover how foolish I was, and I had to lose a significant deal before I understood that being diligently hard-working isn't what makes me happy, but you.

If you can believe it, I was pleased. I pause while I consider what more to say. What else should I say?

"I apologize if I offended you. I apologize for not locating you sooner. I'm sorry you had to share that apartment with my infant alone.

"Hey!" She halts me, turning her head in my direction as her eyes are filled with rage and sadness. "Did you just say that your baby?" She chuckles loudly and recoils her head, but I know better than to interpret this as a hearty chuckle.

It is overflowing with rage.

"Get out of here now before I do something rash; this baby is mine alone, not yours."

"Lisa…"

"You're done talking, aren't you?" She looks up at me. If you hadn't brought up my kid, I would have let you blather on until you were bored of it. I'm raising this kid all by myself.

Avoid saying that.

Have you already forgotten? She starts yelling. "You forgot how you would make a disgusted look every time saw your own first cousins so quickly? You despised them, and you want me to think that you won't treat my kid in the same way? What about sexual activity? Didn't you say that was an error? What does it mean for the pregnancy that was the consequence of that intercourse, then? an error as well.

"That's bullshit!" I said. I suddenly found myself shouting and getting up.

"You are the c****. The marriage was a waste of time. Meeting you was a total joke. You are nonsense in every way!" She responds immediately as if anticipating my explosion.

Once again falling to the couch with my face buried between my hands, I understand what I've done.

Why am I unable to just master my emotions? It's too demanding of me.

"Get out, we're done talking."

"Lisa, I begged your pardon. I won't seek your pardon if I'm not sorry for my errors. While I am aware that I am not perfect, you shouldn't have left in that direction before even learning what I thought of your pregnancy. Do you even know whether I was hoping for a child in secret too?

She doesn't respond; instead, she just looks away.

"I was afraid of losing you. I did not want to let you go. I didn't want the baby to be lost as well. I didn't want to experience the horrible cycle of having a child and then losing him once again. Do you even understand what it's like to lose two people you love in the course of a single day? There are a lot of things, Lisa, that are unusual. There are many methods to determine whether what is stated is genuinely intended, so just because I said all those things doesn't imply I meant them.

There is a growing hush.

I finally get up. I'm done with this. I must give her some room. I should have realized that today wouldn't be the end of the problem. She needs time to process everything and find room in her heart to forgive me.

I'm not trying to make you do anything, I promise. I come here to beg for your pardon and to let you know how much I want and am looking forward to having this kid. I love this baby more than everything. You are very important to me as well.

She gently turns her back on me as her chest heaves up and down.

I suppose I better go before she starts crying. I'm done talking for tonight.

I go to the door quietly.

I recall her lying to me about not getting a letter before I could go.

I say to her, keeping my back to her. "You need to read the note I put on your Paris door. There is everything that occurred to me. The truth behind my actions and statements is that I hate children, everything I can't say because it hurts too much, and everything else. I don't despise them. Please read that letter.

I leave after saying that and close the door behind me.

She won't have to worry about me seeing her mourn for me, so she may cry by herself.

based on what we had.