Twenty five

Katherine Thorne:

“My parents are constantly fighting and it’s hard living in such an environment where all they do is constantly get at each other’s throat.” Alexander further explained. “These are the two people you’re supposed to love with all your heart and love the fact that they love each other dearly, but with them, it’s the exact opposite. They fight all the time and when they’re not fighting, they pretend they’re the most loving couple in the whole world.”

He seemed like he had a lot to get off his chest so I kept shut, waiting for him to spill the content of his heart out before I say anything.

“I mean, it’s so sickening. This moment they’re fighting and cussing out at each other, the very next one, they’re holding hands and putting up a dumb act of ignorance to show their marriage is working, which is a blatant and obvious lie.” He expressed it so vehemently, you could almost taste the raw emotion.

“They’ve refused to get a divorce and I don’t know why. There’s nothing left to try and salvage, it’s all gone and they should stop deceiving and lying to themselves and end it. But no, they keep up with their actions.” He stated. “And whenever they see me around, they pretend like they’re the most loving couple in the entire universe.”

He paused and heaved a sigh, “I just want out Kathrine. I want it to end, they should just both go their separate lives and focus on anything else.”

So that’s the reason for this? His parents fighting is the reason making him sad, wow. I know that feeling best, as a little girl of just four years, I had watched my parents fight so much all through my life before they ultimately decided to get a divorce.

Those four years of my life when their screams and shouts woke me up from bed.

Those four years of my life when my mother was in years and I had to go console my mother after their fights.

Those four years of my life when I had to cry myself to sleep because I wondered why life had to be this way for me. Why couldn’t our home be as perfect as the ones I saw on TV?

And then they finally got a divorce, and it seemed like everything had finally been resolved but the next battle to face was growing up raised my mother alone and a deadbeat, non–existent parents. Especially when you’re up late at night, remembering the few times when things were good and sweet. Those few nights at the dinner table where we all laughed and smiled. Those few nights when my father carried me on his lap and told me stories.

Those few good nights. But they were gone, and you’re stuck with that hollow feeling in your heart forever.

And that was the exact hollow feeling Alexander was experiencing right now. And I related to it so much. They were similar. I knew he came to her for comfort, but sadly I had no words to comfort him with.

If I knew any words that would serve as comfort for the hollowness, then I would’ve used them on myself all these years. The hollowness never closes, you have to live with it. No words can soothe it to the point of non–existence, and if those were what he had come here for, then I can’t help him. I wasn’t able to help myself.

So I knew nothing to say to him because no one ever said the right words to me.

-:-

Alexander Walters

“Alex, it’s a pity that you have to go through this and I know it’s tough for you but there are some things that you just have to be strong to live with,” Katherine said and I arched my brows at her. Did she just say that to me?

Ordinarily, the few people I’ve told the story of my parents too immediately start to bombard me with pity speeches, apologizing on their behalf and assuring me that everything would be better someday, or whatever cliché replies that they know damn well wouldn’t happen. But Katherine didn’t go with the popular and overused “I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through” line and then proceed to tell me that everything would be better.

She said that I have to learn to live with it, which is the most ideal thing anyone had said regarding this. I was sick and tired of the cliché, but she said the exact words I wanted to hear. Thank God I came to her.

“Why do you say so?” I asked her, I wanted to know her reason for saying such.

“Well, my parents used to fight a lot before they got a divorce. So I understand what you’re talking about first–hand. And trust me when I say it doesn’t get better, you just have to learn to live with it until it’s finally over.” She said and I listened keenly, first to the wordings that came out of her mouth and how they were so perfect and all I needed to hear. Secondly, to her voice itself. It sounded like a million angels came together and harmonized their melodies. It was addictive and I had memorized it, playing it over and over in my head again.

Katherine always knew the right things to say and I always loved listening to her speak. Plus, those pretty lips of hers were captivating to look at when she spoke. The things I wanted to do to those lips, the things I wanted those lips to do to me, and the sounds I wanted to make them make. Apart from that, Katherine made me smile and she made me feel happy, just like now.

Ever since the first day, I ran into her at school, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every single day, I think about Katherine and I crave and want her. Desperately. I wouldn’t call it love, no. I’m incapable of loving someone. But I did feel something for Katherine, I was drawn to her and wanted to be close to her. I found myself doing it even when I don’t want to. I find myself thinking about her even when I don’t want to.

I was getting addicted to her presence, addicted to her and I wanted more of her. More of everything that had to do with her. I wanted her so much.

“Why aren’t you saying anything, Alexander?” She questioned and I was jolted out of my admiration and stared at the blue eyes that questioned me.

“Nothing, Katherine. Can you please, tutor me?” I asked. Yes, I wanted to boost my grades for her but the greater reason why I wanted the tutoring was so that I would have an excuse to be close to her and I really hope she agrees, her stubbornness can be annoying sometimes.

I saw hesitation play on her features for a moment before she spoke, “Sure, umm. Yes. I would tutor you.” She finally agreed and I felt as though I had won a lotto. I grinned at her and she smiled back at me, her smile was on the list of my favorite things in the world and I don’t know why I can’t get enough of her. Good thing it’s not love.

But if it’s not love, then what is it?

Katherine Thorne, what are you doing to me?