Chapter 34

She couldn't stop thinking of Mubarak, everything she ever do to him still linger around her, she never knew she was so selfish to force someone to love her. Can she ever forgive herself?" She question herself bitterly. She lost appetite and drop her cutlery and stood up to walk out of her parent from the dinning.

"Nusaiba" her dad called.

"Na'am."

"Why are you leaving suddenly not like you even touch your food?" He asked.

"I don't know dad, I just lost appetite. I can't really help the fact that Mubarak was jail because of me and to even worst it mum said he refused to follow her that day. He said he prefer to be homeless than to stay in his fathers house. What does that mean? Did he really hate me this much now to even reject his home? She asked as tears beamed out of her eyes.

Hajiya drop her cutlery and rest her face on the back of her hand, guilty and shame revolving her vision. She just wish she can undo the damage she has done. Her husband gave her that I told you look and she burst into another series of tears and before the dinning room.

Alhaji return his gaze back to his daughter's own and gave her that pity look too. "Nusaiba don't worry we shall look for Mubarak and seek for his forgiveness and also asked him to come back home by all means. Just keep praying we found him okay?"

Insha Allah dad I will. I just hope he can ever forgive me for__have done more than enough damage to his life, including his work I hope his not sacked. It been been solely three month and he hasn't return home dad."

Uhm! Let keep praying dear.

Please dad do something. It really suffocate me to the core " she said truthfully.

"I will. So how about your school? You ready to take the step?" He ask trying to just change the topic for he can't truly promise her but will try all his possible means.

"Yes dad I'm ready. Have confirm everything and it was just a semester differ so will just start afresh a new semester after this break." She stated happily.

"Insha Allah. I wish all the best. Just make sure you face your study and don't go dying for a guy rather let him do that okay."

"Dad" she called. She felt hurt by the word. "You took me so low. Dying or crushing on Mubarak doesn't make me beg all guys for love. It just happened that I love him and the feelings did not reciprocate.

I'm sorry" He apologized. "I was just trying to pull your leg a bit" He said honestly.

Is okay dad. I understand" with that she stood up and left him motionless. She was beyond hurt by his word.

* * *

She was busy doing some laundry and listening to a Hausa song when her phone started ringing she peep at the caller ID immediately she saw it was Fatima hamza shettima, She rinse her hand and pick the call. " Hello" Fatima answered.

"Fatima you hardly called, WhatsApp with you?" She asked surprisingly.

"Yeah I know I'm bad at that I'm sorry. We want to visit you hope you're free?" Fatima asked smoothly.

The question left her hanging with a lot of thought. Are they coming to mock her? Should she just tell them she's not around like other days or will they think she's has just distance herself? "Are you there?" Fatima asked again after a minute of silent.

"Oh sorry! Will send you my new home address, will be expecting you guys insha Allah. " She said and end the called before they do.

How will they react coming to this area? Seeing me like this? What will I offer them or how will I explain why we end up this way. Ya Allah guild me through and distance me from feeling any embarrassment, Ya Allah make me strong to accept whatever come out of them" She pray and wipe a string of tears off her cheeks.

sighing exasperatedly she drop her phone on top of the stone that was close to her and continue with her laundry.

~ ~ ~

She went to the backyard and saw her mother blowing fire wood with her mouth. She walk up to her and help her to fan it.

"Have been fanning it but it refuse to catch that why I'm blowing it this way. The water has not boiled for over an hour now, and you both must be hungry." Her mum explain.

"Mum you don't have to keep worrying about us please" She beseech. "We will be fine all. okay!" Just go I will do the rest.

"Khadijah you should be tired, you just finished washing our cloth and yet you want me to leave the cooking for you alone." Her mother said worriedly.

"Yes mum I will do it just go, and by the way I will be having visitors this afternoon. They should be on their way already.

"Will you be fine with their coming?" Her mother asked with concern evident on her face.

"Yes mum I will" she shrugged. And gave her lipped tie smile assuring her she's okay.

"Water is about to boil already let me get corn powder ready with calabash.

"Immediately her mum return with the powder she sat down ready to stir it " deejah can you do it? Her mum asked.

Of course mum I can, just watch and see for yourself. With that she collect the powder and stir it with a broom and then cover it for a minute before finally turning it.

~ ~ ~

Are you sure you check the address well?" Hafsat asked, as they drove into road.

The houses around look like they were about to crumble at any sight of gust wind. for they look so old.

"Of course I do, just check it yourself to be sure again. I'm also confused, what going on here?" Fatima remark worriedly.

Hafsat sigh exasperatedly. She was sitting at the other side of the car with her phone on her buried on her hand while Fatima hand were firmly on the steering wheel. Maybe we should just called her again." Hafsat mutter.

She dial deejah number and luckily she pick at first ring. " Babe, seem like you gave us a wrong address. I can't even start imagining the bad road we've been passing through fa. " That the address and if your car can't passes through the road. Then I'm sorry you can just go back I understand " With that been said she hung up the call on her.

"What!" Hafsat exclaimed loudly, "I can't believe this, she just hung the call.

"Something is seriously fishy here, we need to get there and know what wrong with her." Fatima reason and drove toward the house as described earlier on the text message. The road gradually became more crowded as they drove deeper into the area.

They alighted their car beside a shop and walk carefully toward the wooden door at the opposite side of the shop they park. So as not to be stain with dirt and urine all over the surrounding with trashcan that smell awful everywhere. They knock at the door just as stated from the address. It took some several minute before deejah came forward and open the door for them. At the sight of the house they were both left astounded with different questions playing on their mind each. They couldn't exactly read their friend mind at the moment for it look emotionless. But yet their heart broke into million pieces with just the sight of her__ she look sad!

"You're welcome, please come in" Deajah gesture for them to passed with a lipped tie smile. one of her hand place on the old door handle.

"My mum is at the backyard" she said avoiding their curiousity and direct them to where Hajiya Rukkayah was making dry okro soup.

"Mum" she called. " Na'am" she response. Her back facing them while her face was on fire with a hand fan on her right hand fanning the stubborn fire wood.

"Good afternoon, Aunty" they said.

"Afternoon dear, how are you both?" She asked facing them already while deejah redo the wood inside.

"Deejah please leave that, and take them inside" She said and continue with the stirring.

Sitting at the far edge of the bed quietly, not knowing how to even start a conversation with them again. She felt like she's not in the position to be in their mixed anymore just like Mina said to her face. Their already a part of her past which she as sought to bury. After Mina last statement to her, she has wanted nothing to do with any of them again. And yet here they are. How cruel!

"Deejah?" Fatima called

"uhm!" Was her only response

"Are you okay?" Fatima asked calmly. Her voice was full of worried, her eyes was already teary. She can't really believe everything she's seeing even though she has not pinpoint exactly what it is.

Yes I'm fine" she stated unconvincingly, sliding her hand on her knuckle. I'm just surprised to see you guys after Mina make it clear to me. I mean we ain't in same position again, everything have change can't you see how you even suffer your car coming to this area?" She Spite harshly.

"I know you will be surprised " Hafsat chirp in after some observation." surprised that even after pushing us away for several month after convocation we still didn't lose hope of visiting you, hanging the call on us still didn't stop us from coming. C'mon khadijah what really going on __ for me and Fatima are blind and deaf on what you just said. Mina said you should not join us again? Why? Position? Who really care about that, ain't we a true friend that deserved to share everything with each other? Are we just friend because our parent are all rich? Or to just showcase to the whole world? If Mina think she can't associate with you again due to the condition she find you then fine, she Can step back but believe me we will never be the same. We will surely make our bond stronger and lift you up. You can't just idle alone and cry your heart in a lonely place without anyone at least you need your friend to cry on. Believe me when I tell you we don't have a single idea of what going on. Not even from Mina do we heard anything.

For a second, her mouth was a lip close. She couldn't fathom any word out of it. She was so speechless to even make a right sentence. She never expected this from them the only person she expected this from was Mina. They never asked for why she's here, not because they knew but because they understand how life is threaten her. Tears cascaded down her cheeks __ indeed this were are true friends. Guilty mask all over her face as she thought theirs to be worst than Mina's own but they prove her wrong. " I'm sorry" was all that slip out of her lips.

Fatima approach her at the far edge of the bed she sat down and engulfed her into an emotional hug they couldn't stop crying both of them. They really felt bad for her. They released each other and wipe their tears.

"C'mon let cheer up and wipe those strains of tears away." Hafsat said out blue.

"Yeah we should" Fatima said.

"Oops forgive my manners please haven't brought you anything " she said and dash out of the room before they could even say a word.

She came back holding a tray and drop it on the floor and lay a mat beside the mattress were they all sat down. There was three bowl on top of the tray, tuwo Masara was on one while the soup was on the small bowl with water at other side.

After a lot of battle with her inner self she made up her mind" I'm sorry this all I have, I hope you can eat it?" She asked.

"Of course why not who dare joke with food" Hafsat grin. Making deejah feel good and safe of embarrassment.

"Let wash our hand please I'm hungry" Fatima said immediately she open the bowl.

"They all ate from the same bowl and compliment the cooking.

"Been long I ate something like this. Wish to do so some other days again" Fatima comment.

"I normally eat it at home almost once in a week, part of our time table. You know how dad love tuwo" Hafsat said. while deejah just kept smiling, she was choosing her word carefully though she was getting use to them again. Now calm and more reserved.

"Deejah I need your favour? Fatima said. starring at her while deejah furrow her eyesbrow in surprise, nodding her to go on.

"Can you come with us?" She asked.

"No" was her simple reply.

"Why? Hafsat chirp in.

"Just. I just don't feel it in me to even go out again. I felt like I'm incomplete, I'm stinking. I mean I'm just" She trail off. Not finding the right word to used.

"Just stop saying that please. Why will you feel you're incomplete or stinking. Just why will you think so? Hafsat asked now teary. Is it because you found yourself in this condition? Believe me is qadr and it all happen for a reason. You can't just make yourself unworthy because you leave here.

Hafsat you didn't it. Believe me when I said I'm contented here than when I was in mansion, there is this longing harmony and peace if mind I find here. It thought me a lot it really do. But there is a wound imprinted on me that can never be erased again. Ever since then I stop going out because I felt insecure, I felt like their following me just everywhere I go, and worst of it all I felt like I'm not a lady to take someone breath away again, I'm dirty, I'm not a virgin even before getting married. I'M RAPE" her last statement echoed above the room. Not able to hold her tears again, her kneels weakened and she felt down and cry harder. Could she ever find happiness? Could her life be ever better or worst?

"Innalillahi wa'ina ilahi rajiu'n! They both exclaim in bewildered.

"You were rape?" Hafsat asked

"She nodded sadly."

"We are sorry!" Was all they could muttered out. Could life be any worst than this? they thought deeply.