THIRTY SIX

Do I hold on to the past, or let go and forge on into the future with the man who has my heart? My brain is in an emotional fog and internally I’m at war with myself. Jordan’s kiss is tender, but I can tell that he is taking his cue from me. He is waiting for me to make the first move. The last first move as I know that our relationship has crossed over into another stage.

I lay back on the bed and pull Jordan to me to try to start the healing process. No man has ever made me feel the way he makes me feel, and I believe him when he says there was nothing between him and Romina.

Knowing he is Andrew’s father is both shocking and a relief. It was heartbreaking to think I’d never see the boy I’d grown to love so much again. Knowing I’ll have the opportunity to continue my relationship with Andrew is only an added bonus to Jordan’s argument, whether he knows it or not.

Right now, my body craves a very primal but necessary release. I reach for Jordan’s shirt and slowly unbutton it. My hands rake down the front of his chest until I reach his waistband.

“I missed you,” I say.

Jordan looks at me and understands everything. He plants kisses along my neck and shoulder. “I’m going to make sure you never have to miss me again. My heart ached for you every moment we spent apart.”

Our lips collide again as Jordan reaches for my shirt to return the favor of undressing me.

He runs his tongue along the side of my throat, and down to the top half of my breasts. His hands reach around my back before unhooking my bra. My breasts bounce free as Jordan pulls me from my sleeves and bra in one fell swoop. He pushes me back on the bed and unzips my pants and I knowingly lift my hips to give him room to slip them from my legs.

“Not only have I missed you, but I missed the feel of your skin against mine,” he says, running his hands down the length of my thighs.

I sit up to reach for his pants, but he puts his hand on top of mine and shakes his head.

“No,” he says. “This is about you and only you. Just relax, baby. Let me do all the work.”

I obediently lie back on the bed and lift my hips again as Jordan slips off my lace panties. He kisses me on the lips as he begins to layer kisses down my body.

“You deserve the world, and I’m going to do my damnedest to give it to you,” he says softly.

I squirm in response to his fingers gliding over my skin. He knows the move is ticklish, but he does it repeatedly. His mouth reaches my thighs and he plants tiny kisses all over them.

I run my fingers through his hair and guide his mouth right where I want him. The warmth of his breath reaches my sensitive spots before his mouth does, and I shudder at the feeling of the gentle caress. His mouth closes around my clit and my back automatically arches.

His tongue makes tiny circles as his mouth gently suctions my clit. Blood rushes to that one area and for a moment I’m lightheaded.

I moan and thrust my hips up to meet his mouth and match his rhythm, silently begging him to take me, all of me. My toes tingle first as the promise of an explosive orgasm threatens to take over my body.

Not yet, I’m not ready yet. I reluctantly push his head back and he looks up at me, eyes wide with anticipation.

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I say followed by a heavy sigh. “I want us to come together. I need to feel you close to me.”

“Whatever you want, baby,” Jordan says before kissing my inner thigh. He reaches into his pocket and retrieves the condom before slipping out of his pants.

He positions himself over me and I wrap my arms around him. I plant my face in his neck and inhale the rugged earthy fragrance of his skin. His hips thrust forward, and my breath catches in my throat.

I release the stolen breath with a hiss as I dig my nails into his back. Nothing can top this moment, and I wish it would last forever. They say make-up sex is the best sex, and I think they’re right. Every nerve ending in my body is on fire, and each one is sending a pleasurable electric shock to the other.

My hands slide down Jordan’s body and ultimately rest on his hips as I help direct his rhythm and speed, thrusting my hips to meet him.

“Right there,” I moan. “Don’t stop.”

There’s a knock at the door, but I’m too close to the edge to care right now.

“Room service!”

I completely forgot about the food I ordered when I first came in, and I certainly don’t want it right now. The knock on the door continues for a few more seconds.

“Just leave it!” yells Jordan, his back curving to dig into me.

I’m glad he answered, because my brain is on a one-way street right now. I grab a fistful of his hair with one hand and hold on tighter to his hips with the other.

The wave of the orgasm sends my body into spasms, and for a split second I’m sure I know what an out-of-body experience feels like. After a few more thrusts, Jordan joins me on the pleasure wave, groaning loudly in my ear as he grips my thigh hard enough to bruise.

“Shit,” he grunts. “It’s never been that intense before.”

I nod my head in agreement. Jordan is right about that, it has never been that intense. Maybe our eclectic mix of emotions brought the whole experience to new heights.

Jordan rolls over, wrapping his arms around me.

“I know I keep saying it, but I’m so sorry for making you feel used, and I swear I will never make you feel that way again. You mean everything to me and I’m going tell you that every single day. I love you, Aliyah.”

I lay there, wrapped in Jordan’s arms, recalling the question I asked myself earlier.

Do I hold on to the past or do I let it go and forge on into the future with the man who has my heart?

I don’t always make the best decisions, and this could be a major mistake on my part, but as of right now, in this moment, I’m choosing my heart. I turn to face Jordan and close the distance between us and seal it with a kiss.

“I love you too,” I say.