THIRTY EIGHT
For a second my heart stops, and time completely slows down. Everything around me is happening in slow motion and my eyes fill with tears. I’m not sure if I’m dreaming or if everybody else sees what I’m witnessing, so I turn around to check. My father has his arm wrapped around my mom as she cradles Andrew in her arms, while Rachel gives me a thumbs up as she points her camera in my face.
The room has gone silent and suddenly all eyes are on me. Jordan coughs a couple of times as I whip my head around to face him.
“This journey with you has been an exciting one since the first day we met. We’ve shared so many wonderful moments together, and I want to keep sharing moments with you by my side as my wife. You’ve been everything I could hope for — a generous and loving partner, a wonderful mother to our son, and an ambitious and beautiful woman on your own. I don’t deserve you, Aliyah, I never have. But I’ve always loved and adored you and I never want that to change. Aliyah Delos Santos, will you marry me?”
He pops open the box to reveal a diamond so large I’ll need to do finger exercises just to wear it.
“Yes,” I say, my voice laced with emotion.
Jordan smiles and slips the ring on my finger, and I all but tackle him to the ground, smothering him with kisses. I’m overwhelmed by the wave of emotions taking over my body, and it takes me a few seconds to remember we are in a room full of people. We get to our feet and smile at our onlookers before I reach for Andrew.
“Well, that’s definitely one way to end a graduation and it’s the first proposal to take place in our formal dining area. This moment couldn’t have happened to a better woman. Aliyah, you’re phenomenal and I wish you and Jordan the very best. Let’s raise our glasses in honor of the happy couple. Congratulations, you two!” Ray raises his glass excitedly.
I wipe the tears from my eyes, careful not to get any mascara on my crisp white jacket. “You have made me the happiest woman in the world,” I softly whisper to Jordan.
He gently grabs my chin as we share a passionate, yet sensual kiss. “The pleasure is all mine. I’m the one getting the better bargain in this deal. Like Ray said, you are absolutely phenomenal, and I can’t wait to make you my wife. That is, if you can get used to being called Mrs. Delgado.”
I marvel at my ring and then look up into my new fiancé’s eyes. “I most certainly can.”
BONUS BOOK
Attracted to the bad boy of the neighborhood
ONE
“What brings you back here, Eliza?” Mary, the manager of the local market, asked me as she tapped her pen against my application. “I thought you moved to the big city.”
“I’m taking care of my dad,” I responded. “He’s not doing well.”
“Oh, I see. How long are you staying?”
“Indefinitely.”
“Great! You’re hired! Do you remember how to do everything?”
“I think so.”
“They say it’s like driving a clutch - you never forget.”
“Right.”
“Well, we’ll see you tomorrow then. That work for you?”
I nodded, though I had no interest in being there the next day or any other days. But someone had to provide for us if Dad can’t. Mom hasn’t worked in years, and her disability checks don’t do much. Especially with all the wine she buys during the day.
Mary led me out, chattering to me about how her son, Jarod, had just gotten a new girlfriend. She mentioned how he hadn’t dated very much since the last one and how she broke his heart and blah blah blah. I just nodded, pretending to be listening.
“I think they’ll get married,” she said as we got to the door. I almost laughed out loud, but pretended to cough instead. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow,” I replied, readjusting my shoulder bag before heading out.
I stood in the “mud room” area where people could post ads on the community bulletin board, as well as wipe off their feet after a snowfall and took a deep, desperate to be cleansing, breath. I looked back to make sure Mary wasn’t watching me, and thankfully she’d gone. I took another deep breath and turned to walk out the door while readjusting my bag again.
Suddenly, a man pulled the door open I had been preparing to exit out of. He wore sunglasses and a shirt for one of the contractors in the area. He had a well-kept beard and a GQ haircut, which he revealed as he took off a hat to rub his head. I froze, unsure of where to go. He nodded at me with a smile and stopped.
“Eliza?” a frighteningly familiar male voice came from his mouth.
I would know that voice anywhere, but it can’t be. “Yeah. Do I… know you?”
He took off his sunglasses, “It’s me, Zach. Remember, the boy you grew up with and dated in high school?”
My heart ran cold. “I… thought you died. That you overdosed.”
He smiled, “I died for a few minutes, but I’m alive now. When did you get back?”
“Last weekend. I got my job back here.”
“That’s great! I heard about your dad. I’m really sorry.”
“We are too.”
“I always thought it’d be your mom first. She really liked the booze.”
“I’m sure she’s not far behind. You know this place - full of addicts.”
“I guess we all have to die sometime.”
He smiled. I kept my poker face, not sure what else to do.
“Are you clean now?” I said, breaking the silence.
He gave a slight smile, “Yeah. I have a job with LaMerde Builders now, and they drug test. I was definitely on a road to destruction though. Especially after you left.”
I didn’t bite on his bait, “Looks like you got more tattoos. More stick and pokes?”
He laughed, “Nope. You were the only one I trusted for that. Actually, I still treasure that tattoo that you did. I work at a tattoo shop now part time.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Didn’t you want to tattoo?”
“For a while I did.”
“Well, we all like your ‘stick and poke.’”
I took a deep, lingering breath. “I have to go.”
“If you ever want to apprentice at the shop, just let me know. Or like... sell your art.”
“I mostly sling sandos now.”
“Well, I mean, if you want to bring us some coffee or sandos, we’d love that too,” he shrugged.
“Yeah, like I’m your sando maid.”
He smiled only slightly now. “I was just kidding. But uh… it was nice to see you.”
I gave him a slight smile in return. His smile softened, and he waved barely before stalking into the market. I watched him go, rubbing the back of my neck.
I ghost-walked out the door. I broke up with Zach before I left because he was a drug addict. As I walked home, I thought of us when we were together. We grew up next door to each other, and we were best friends for a long time. And then he started getting into drugs when we were pre-teens after his dad left. I acted like I didn’t know, like it didn’t matter. My mom warned me not to stick around with a guy like that.
When we got to be teenagers (and when our hormones were raging), we started to date. We dated from sophomore to senior year, though we tried to keep it secret since my mom didn’t like it. Dad didn’t seem to care - he would say, “I used to be that rambunctious and handsome.” Zach convinced me to go to art school. He said he’d apply to school too, and we’d go together. But he never applied anywhere.
I looked up at the clock, and I was off work. I’d glided through. I grabbed my belongings and hurried out so no one would talk to me. Instead of returning home, I walked along the road until I got to a path I knew like the back of my hand up through the woods to a special place, a little stone house with a bench outside the door. I sat down at the bench and watched the peacefulness of the woods.
When Zach and I were sixteen, we stole the bench from one of the second-owner’s lawn. We thought we were so funny. That night, he kissed me for the first time, and I thought I’d never want to kiss anybody else again. I think I thought I loved him then. But I don’t know if I actually did, or if I actually know what love is now.
I guess at least I got a job.
TWO
I stood at the deli counter, staring out into the empty store. I’d been scheduled incredibly early to train to bake the bread. It’s not going great so far - my coworker, Jeanette, is too busy rushing around trying to get everything done to teach me anything. Thankfully I did this before when I was a teenager, so I think I’ll be able to do it again.
“We’re about to open. Do we have enough sandwiches?” Jeanette asked fearfully.
“Yep. We are full up there,” I answered. “I even had time to make coffee.”
“Oh. Well, were you paying attention to my training?”
“Yep.”
“Oh. Okay. I’m going to take my break then. Can you keep an eye on the last round of bread.”
“Yep.”
“Great, thanks.”
I didn’t turn to watch her go. I think I have a good five or ten minutes until I have to go back to the old sandwich grind. People usually don’t start coming in for a little bit. I sipped my coffee, just watching as a few customers came in, and Mary walked across the store hurriedly. She got here late again. Zach walked by through the center aisle, his head visible over them.
“Hey Zach,” I said without thinking, reverting back to my teenager days.
He looked over at me, surprised to hear his name. “Oh hey, Eliza. How are you doing this morning?”
“I’m okay. It’s early.”
He picked up a small package of cookies and then walked toward me. “It is early. What do you say you make me one of your special breakfast sandos?”
“I could do that, yeah. I’m kind of waiting until the ones up front sell a bit more. What do you want?”
“Surprise me.”
I shrugged, “Okay.” I moved to the skillet and started another round. Might as well.
“You’re being awfully amiable this morning compared to the last time I saw you,” he said, leaning over the counter a little to look at me.
“I guess I’m too tired to be mean right now.”
“I don’t remember you to be a morning person. Has that changed?”
“No. Not at all. I just prefer the early shifts because my dad usually wakes up more in the afternoons, and then is up most of the night. So it works better with my schedule.”
“But you’re taking care of him into the night?”
“Yeah, but it’s okay. I have coffee. I take naps.”
“Right. When do you have an afternoon off?”
“Sundays and Mondays. Dad has chemo on Mondays, and then I need a weekend day off.”
“I see. Do you ever have evenings open?”
“Maybe for a few hours after dinner. Dad usually takes a nap.” I looked up at him. “Why are you asking?”
He shrugged, “I was just seeing what you were doing tonight, is all. Maybe we can catch up a little.”
Before I could answer, James Green walked by. I could tell by the way he walked who it was. He looks more tweeked out than he did before, but I guess that happens after being a drug addict since you were fifteen. He greeted Zach, and they talked a little, making plans to hang out tomorrow. I finished the sandwiches and started to wrap them up.
“So, what do you say? We could go grab some food or something at West Shore,” Zach said after James had walked off, probably to steal something. “Their pizzas have gotten a lot better since the change in ownership. They do karaoke on Saturdays now.”
I put the sandwiches in the little container we use to carry them up front and handed him his. “I don’t think so.”
“Ah, so you’re back to being mean then.”
“If you were sober, you wouldn’t be talking to James Green anymore.”
“James and I have been friends since we were in diapers.”
“So were you and I.”
“We more became friends when I noticed you had a bike.”
I gave him a look as I rounded the counter to take the next set of sandwiches up.
He chuckled, “Okay, so you don’t like that I’m talking to James?”
“Come on, look at him. He still uses, doesn’t he?”
“I don’t ask.”
“It troubles me you still hang out with those people.”
“Most of us are a loyal bunch here.”
I set the sandwiches under the heat lamp where we display them. “Right.”
“We can just go for a walk too. You used to like to go for walks.”
“I don’t know, Zach.” I sighed. “I don’t think I really want to get back into this.”
“It’s just to catch up,” he smiled, almost making me concede instantly. Almost. “Plus, I’ll bring candy.”
“Well okay. I expect Zours though.”
“Of course.”
“I’ll pick you up at six?”
“I think seven would be better.”
“Cool. See you then.”
I thought for a moment he might lean in to kiss me out of habit. Even though we argued a bit, we fell back in step with each other easily. We used to be so close once upon a time. But I am not going to let myself just fall back into that thing we had. Even if he is just as handsome as he always was, and now that he’s filled out from being the skinny, sickly looking boy he used to be, he’s even more attractive.
I need to stop. I’m not doing this again to myself.
I went back to the deli and thought about how I could play this whole thing very cavalier. We used to be friends, so I think we can associate with each other like friends do. I will be perfectly fine. I got off a little late with a busier lunch rush than usual, and rushed home. Dad wasn’t feeling well, and Mom was watching her soaps in the living room.
“I’m going to go out at seven,” I told her.
“Where are you going?” she asked, gulping from her glass.
“I’m just going to go for a walk.”
“You scheduled a walk for yourself? Who are you going with?”
“An old friend.”
“Zach Smoldin, huh?”
“You know, I’m twenty-six now so you don’t really need to know who I’m going out with. It doesn’t matter if you disapprove.”
“I just thought you’d be smarter than to go off and roll into bed with him.”
“I’m not going to sleep with him. I’m just going for a walk.”
“Well, if you’re going to go, can you get me…”
“No.”
“Eliza!”
“I’m not getting you more booze. Just watch Dad for a little bit, okay?”
She shrugged. I nodded and went to take a shower. I’m just the babysitter of the house, I guess. I’m so happy I came home. After I showered, Mom actually made dinner and helped Dad back into bed to nap so I could get ready. She seemed to want to prove she was sober enough to get some things done so I would get her more vodka. But I’m not going to do it. No way.
I put on light makeup and an easy t-shirt with skinny jeans and ankle boots. Zach used to make fun of me for being such a “perfect blonde and blue-eyed California chick” like it was a bad thing. I started dying my hair platinum blonde when I lived in the city because I wanted to look more like an artist. I don’t think it really fits in here.
I decided to wait outside for him so Mom didn’t say anything too untoward. She always had her little zings she’d throw at him once he got a bit older. I guess she always knew he was trouble.
“Hey Blondie,” Zach called as he walked up, carrying his favorite “man purse” over his arm. “You really look very Debbie Harry with that hair.”
“Thanks,” I said, getting up to meet him in the street. Our town doesn’t really have sidewalks. “I was aiming to look like a popular 80’s singer.”
He smiled, “If I looked that cool with bleached hair, I’d do that too.”
“It’s called ‘platinum.’”
“I’m sorry. Platinum.” He nodded up at the house. “Still can’t come up to the door, huh?”
“My mom still thinks you’re a menace to society.”
“She does glare at me when we happen upon each other in the market. She told me my tattoos were stupid.”
“Sounds like her all right. I really can’t be out long. I don’t really trust her.”
“That’s okay. I have some stuff to do over at the shop anyway.”
“The tattoo place you work at?”
“Yeah.”
“Where is it? South Shore?”
“It’s right by West Shore, actually. They have had a huge amount of empty space there for a while, so we rented out the whole place that’s not the restaurant or Post Office.”
“Wow. Is it busy at all? You getting all the locals in there?”
“We do have a local discount, but we actually have tourists who come by too. We’re making a name for ourselves.”
“That’s great.”
“I’m hoping soon I can just work part-time with LaMerde instead of part-time at the shop.”
“I never imagined you to do construction. I’m pretty surprised. You were so skinny before!”
He laughed, “I was! But he was the only guy who would hire me after I got clean, so that’s what I did.”
“I guess that works. So, did you bring the promised candy?”
“Of course! Candy is my new drug of choice,” he took a bag of Zours out of his bag and tossed it to me. He then pulled out an art book. “I also have this little surprise for you.”
“What is it?” I asked, before looking at it. “How did you get my old art notebook? I thought I lost it in the move.”
“I saw your mom throwing it away one day,” he shrugged. “So I got it out of the trash.”
“Man, I asked her if she’d seen this!” I opened to look at all the things I’d drawn in high school. “A lot of portraits of you.”
“I noticed that. It made me feel pretty good. And skinny.”
“You were skinny. Aw, here’s the picture of our neighbor’s cat getting torn apart by coyotes.”
“I really wanted to frame that one and put it up in the shop.”
“I bet you did.”
“I thought you were going to make it in the city. I thought you’d come back and buy some huge summer house with some Silicon Valley guy. I imagined duelling him for your hand.”
I laughed, “You’d slap him with a glove and everything.”
“I bought a glove just for that purpose.”
“Yeah, that’s definitely not what happened. I was starting to get more work. Writers wanted me to do artwork for their comics and books for kids. But I had to take care of Dad. I wanted to paint murals around the city.”
“Let’s go down to the lake. They made it more of a park,” he said, touching my arm only briefly to guide me as I kept looking through the notebook. “You can paint murals around here. There’s an empty wall on the side by the shop that you could probably paint.”
“Yeah, I’m sure the owners would love that.”
“I have some clout with them. I’ll hook you up. I’d love to hang your art in the shop too.”
“You keep saying ‘the shop’ like you’re so cool!”
“I am cool. Everyone thinks so.”
“I think most people still think you’re a bad boy.”
“I have to keep my reputation up.”
We walked down a driveway that led to the lake. It used to be crowded by condos, but now there was a nice park with pretty benches and trees.
“What happened to the condos that were here?” I asked.
“A few of them burned down,” he answered. “So the homeowners association pooled money together to build this.”
“That’s cool. I like it. It’s a better place to draw now.”
“Yeah, it is. Over here is my favorite bench. I helped put it in.”
He put his hand on my back to lead me and a shiver shot through my spine. In that moment, I wanted us to still be together, to not have had anything happen to us. But I guess if nothing had happened, we wouldn’t still be together anyway. He’d probably be dead, and I probably would be long gone, never to return.
We sat down and watched as the sun crept down toward the mountains. It all felt serene and perfect.
“Remember on our first official date when we came down here and smoked those fruity cigarettes my sister bought us?” he asked. “They were so bad.”
“I liked them,” I answered. “I used to smoke them when I first moved to the city. The date itself though wasn’t great.”
“No. For some reason we couldn’t make conversation when we actually set out to date each other.”
“It got better though.”
“Yeah?” he turned to me, his hazel-green eyes shining.
“Yeah. For a while.”
“I was pretty heartbroken when you left, I’m not gonna lie.”
“I figured you didn’t feel anything at that point since you were high all the time.”
“No, I felt that. I actually set my alarm so that I could stop you from going, but I couldn’t wake up. By the time I did, you were long gone. I couldn’t even dramatically chase after you,”
“You weren’t very fast anyway.”
“No. I do run now though. I’ve done a few marathons.”
“No!”
“Yes! I did one of those where they throw color on you or something.”
I laughed out loud, my head rocking back to let it out.
“It’s not that funny!”
“I can’t believe you of all people would do marathons. You hated exercise when we were younger.”
“I liked riding bikes. I do bike races too.”
I kept laughing. “That’s crazy.”
“It’s something that gets my adrenaline up and is exciting, which is kind of why I did drugs.”
“You were doing heroin though. Doesn’t that calm you down?”
“I did a lot of things.”
“That’s good to know.”
He smiled close-mouthed and looked down at his hands. I examined his full lips and the sorrow in his eyes. It’s strange to see such emotion in them since the last time I saw him - his eyes looked so dead before because he was messed up all the time. He looked up at me, our eyes meeting. I felt like a teenager again, in love with him.
He scooted closer to me, as if to see how I would react. I let him move closer, hoping he’d move even closer. I felt hypnotized by his eyes, now so expressive and beautiful. He leaned in, his eyes asking permission. I closed mine, waiting for him to kiss me, waiting to see if it would be as good as it used to be.
Ring ring ring. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled away and pulled it out. “It’s my parents.”
“Right, you should answer that.”
“Right, I should.” I gave a wry smile and then answered. “Hello?”
“Hey, where are you? Your dad wants you,” Mom said, stumbling over her words.
“I’m coming back.”
“Can you stop by the market for me?”
“Bye Mom.” I looked up at Zach, who now was staring out at the lake. “I have to go.”
“Let’s just watch the sunset. It will only take a minute.”
“Fine,” I responded, thinking Mom probably just wanted me to get more liquor instead of that Dad really needed me.
We sat there quietly, watching the sun sink down beneath the mountains, the sky purple, red and gold as it vanished. Our fingers touched on the bench. He slowly crept his forward to rest on mine. We shared a look and a smile before staring back at the sun going down.
