His first kiss
47. His first kiss
🤍🖤💜 Jacob 💜🖤🤍
“Soo... Who is she?” Hanna asks me once the team leaves us alone.
“uhmmm... Someone who’s probably not gonna happen...” I sigh and take a gulp of my drink.
Hanna scoffs, “Thank God! Humanity’s procreation is not on your shoulders, Jacob... We would have gone extinct in no time.”
I look at her with my eyebrows squinted. Where does she find those insults?
“Seriously, are you interested in her? Is she your first crush or something?”
I nod, “But I am not in the mood to talk about her...”
Her mouth goes slack.
“Noooo you don’t get to say that. Fuck! you didn’t tell me, Jacob...” She smacks my arm.
“Not now!”
She shrugs and pulls her phone out. “I am staying for the night at your place.”
“I am not gonna gossip about her with you!”
“I know I know. There are things I need to tell you.”
Okay... Works fine by me.
We dance for a while and head home once I am feeling sober enough to drive.
“Guess who I met last month?” She asks once I start driving home.
“How would I know?”
“Make an effort!”
“I don’t know... Somebody who gave you some spicy news?”
She rolls her eyes so hard that I can see it despite my eyes being on the road.
“Your first kiss...”
I chuckle, “Okay...” I am not interested.
“He was asking about you. Very keen to get in touch with you...”
That gets my attention.
“What!! Why?”
“He came out of the closet.”
I stay quiet at that statement.
“I thought he would probably wait until college or something,” I say after a while.
My first kiss, aka I don’t even want to say his name right now, was a certified homophobic. I always felt wistful and romantic around him. He was a good friend who hated me after our first kiss. My memories of that summer camp turned sour real quick afterward.
“When you told me about him... I knew it was internalized homophobia or something...” she says, and I shrug carelessly.
Truth is, it still stings like a bee.
We were barely 14. Young and didn’t know any better. So I guess I cannot exactly blame him for being weirded out. I know his family wouldn’t have accepted him and students at my old school often bullied queers. Still, the way he treated me afterward leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Good for him,” I say.
Once we reach home, we grab some snacks from kitchen because I barely ate anything at the party and Hanna is insistent we won’t sleep anytime soon.
God, I am tired.
June’s door is closed. She is probably asleep, so I give her my clothes to change into.
Once she is snuggled up in my bed. I stand by the window for a while glancing towards Natalie’s room, wondering if we will meet this weekend. I missed her the whole week. She did visit us with a few dishes Mrs. Relish cooked, but she didn’t stay longer. With Coco, at least we had an excuse to go for a walk together.
“Is she your neighbor or something?”
Hanna rushes out of bed to see where I am looking.
“No…“ I lie in embarrassment and close the blinds before she can reach me.
We get in bed with all the snacks up in our laps and Netflix is ready to stream on my iPad. As we are browsing and mulling over what to watch, I say, “You said you wanted to tell me something.”
She nods. “But can I ask you something first?”
“Yeah...”
“How different are your feelings this time... with this girl?”
It’s Romantic & Sexual altogether.
When I first stumbled upon Ace Spectrum. I frantically tried to figure out where I fit in. It was a relief to figure out I was not alone. For a long time, I was sure I was asexual-romantic. But Natalie changed that.
“Very different,” I tell her.
I tell her I might be a demisexual but it’s odd that I felt drawn toward her despite no emotional connection. That’s unusual for a Demi.
“Ohh, I know what it is...”
My eyes turn bright, hoping to find some new information.
“It’s like those ‘Mate’ things we read in werewolf fantasy..” she says with enthusiasm.
I grimace immediately. “Don’t you dare compare my life to that cringe!”
“Hey! Don’t call it that. I love to read that cheesy cringe.” She adds with caution. “If it’s well written...”
I chuckle. “It wouldn’t stop me from judging you, Hanna.”
She rolls her eyes, “Anyway, what I wanted to tell you tonight.... is something you already know... But maybe reading this can help you out.” She hands me her phone to show me some saved Reddit posts. Posts about Demisexuality.
She wears headphones to watch some Netflix show she chose. I spend the next hour browsing experiences shared by people.
So many things make sense now.
There is a difference between reading a definition and reading someone’s experience. Some stories feel like my own life is playing out in front of me.
r/demisexuality
Posted by u/RomilaG-d - 8 days ago
‘Is it possible for a demi to fall in love very quickly and develop attraction quickly as well?’
Comment by sparkletemp0-8 days ago
‘I would say yes. I experienced this too but it is rare. Listen, sexuality is a spectrum and just because you don’t fit the box perfectly doesn’t mean you are not in the pool...’
As I read this particular post, I grin like a fool. By the time I put the phone down, Hanna is already asleep. I kiss her on the head and mumble, “Thank you.”
She is half asleep but says in a drowsy voice. “Now go pursue her... Don’t let school drama slow you down...”
Yes, I will.
With this new wave of motivation, I don’t think anything can slow me down.
—-Wiki —- Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, and may have any gender identity.
The Ace spectrum refers to sexual orientations that are asexual or are closely related to asexuality.
