Long-distance
65. Long-distance
🤍🖤🤍 Natalie 🤍🖤🤍
‘I was barely ten when I had figured out… I wasn’t his son… He is my stepfather… and June is my half-sister.’
If Jacob hadn’t confessed this to me. I never could have imagined he has been carrying such heavy emotional weight around. His problems make my school troubles seem shallow. I cannot even imagine how I would feel if my dad ever acted with such indifference to me.
‘It fucks you up, you know.’
It will indeed fuck me up. I know someone with a somewhat similar situation. He is fucked up and bitter. Jacob, on the other hand, is kind and considerate.
I look at his face and see a slight wetness in his eyes. He blinks it away. His expression is painful but resigned. He has accepted it as his reality. Sometimes we cannot do anything but make peace with it. I am still trying to find peace with my troubles. I know how hard it can be.
New admiration for Jacob fills my heart. I simply lean in for a hug and rub his back.
“I wish I could do something… to make you feel better…” I say after a while.
He chuckles and I feel his torso vibrate against mine.
“hmmm…” He rumbles in a deep voice, ”I am feeling much better now.”
The hug suddenly feels too intimate and I blush, thinking he is probably teasing me.
I pull away, refusing to meet his eyes. I ask, “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“You tease me! Why do you tease me?”
He frowns.
“Don’t act innocent! That day you sent those messages and last week you acted like you were asking me out. Don’t do that, Jacob! or I will hit your head on the wall,” I say playfully, pushing him in the chest.
He smiles ruefully, “I wasn’t…” Then adds quickly, “Can I get back my hug now?”
“You are doing it again!” I exclaim.
“No, I am not!”
I grumble and Jacob chuckles. “It’s too late. I think we should sleep.”
I suddenly comprehend something…
“What do you mean ‘I wasn’t’?
He goes quiet. I see a flicker of indecision in his eyes like flickering candlelight in the room. It has burned to the end again.
“It’s been a bad day, Natalie… I don’t think I can stomach a rejection tonight.”
He wasn’t teasing.
He never was...
My cheek burns in realization, and a strange warmth takes over my body.
I never considered myself good enough for someone like Jacob. Could someone absolutely perfect like him, be interested in me?
I look into his eyes to observe some vulnerability and hope altogether. As the last candle flame dies, we stay still, trying to read each other in darkness. Dim moonlight in his room from the window seems like a sign. So I lean in again. Not for a hug, but something else this time.
As I plant my lips on him, a deep sense of contentment washes over me. I never realized this before, but I have been longing for it.
…………………
🤍🖤💜 Jacob 💜🖤🤍
…………………
Natalie has the power to stupefy me. I am taken aback at first, but pull her closer to me while returning the kiss. It’s been ages since I kissed someone.
Did it always feel this fulfilling, or is she really special?
Her soft lips taste way better than what I imagined. Her warm, plush skin under my palms is way softer than what I envision. Her scent this close is way more intoxicating than what I anticipated.
As I deepened the kiss, a moan escapes her mouth. My hands involuntarily wander around her waist, trying to trace her when she pulls away.
I can barely see her face in the light coming in from the window, let alone read her expression. I don’t have to second guess myself for long. I know something is wrong when she gets down from the bed and rushes out of the room.
Was I wrong to feel her?
I give her a few minutes of solitude to process what happened. I look for her and find her standing in June’s old room by the window. She is looking outside, her face flushed and more beautiful than I have ever seen. I walk in and lean into the window frame facing her.
“Was I over the line?” I ask her honestly.
She looks at me, perplexed at first, then chuckles and shakes her head. “I kissed you first. How could you be over the line?”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know… I… I don’t think I can stomach another heartbreak or failed relationship.” She admits softly.
I do not know her heartbreak history. Personally, I have only a vague guess of how these things feel. When my relationship with Saide ended, I hated her. Still, it wasn’t easy. Probably her stalking created such great disdain in me that it became way easier for me to get over her. Every breakup brings its own pain and baggage with it. I don’t have tons of experience, so I cannot say.
“Don’t you think we are too young to worry about these things?”
Maybe I am selfish in suggesting this, but I want to be with her. I want to explore her. I want a chance.
“Jacob… I am not the type who enters into a relationship bound to fail. It’s not my thing… I don’t know what you heard about me at school…”
Her voice trembles but she continues, “It’s true, I am not some innocent good girl. But I am not the type to do hookups every other week, either. I know you want a relationship, so I cannot ignore that fact and sleep with you.”
I want to say rumors don’t affect me, but I hesitate. Today I presumed something degrading when I saw West coming out of the supply closet. I don’t get to lie to her just to win her. So I say something honest instead.
“Sleeping with someone even after commitment can be daunting for me. So don’t worry about that. I am not trying to get in your pants if that’s bothering you.”
She looks at me, confused, and asks before I can explain. “What do you mean ‘even after commitment’? Are you… Are you Demi or something?”
It makes me laugh. But I nod. Hanna knew about demisexuality. It seems Natalie knows about it, too. How come I was the one left behind despite being the one? It took me way longer to realize it.
Natalie is amazed and asks me tons of questions. Some of her opinions are misguided, so I fix them for her. But it lightens our mood. I answer everything truthfully.
By the millionth question, I am tired, and she is yawning too. So we walk towards my room. But the question still lingers in the air. Will she still consider dating me? Now I know long-distance is her concern.
When we lay in bed, she clarifies it for me.
“Give me a week Jacob. I need some time to think.”
“Sure…”
We fall asleep next to each other. I am content. I know she will at least consider the possibility of us dating. Maybe I could apply for a sports scholarship in the same city as hers. If I get lucky, I could be accepted into the same college. I know she is a sports scholar herself.
It’s a long shot. But it doesn’t hurt to try.
