Apologies
76. Apologies
🖤🖤🖤 West 🖤🖤🖤
When I enter my house, a pungent smell hits my nose and makes me want to puke. As if a tiring day at school and that session with that counselor wasn’t enough to piss me off. I glance at the stinking piles of dishes and garbage lying around in the kitchen and my blood boils.
“Clean up the house for God’s sake, Alfred!” I yell at my father.
“And what are you supposed to do? Lazy Ass!” He howls.
It’s no new sight. Especially when I am not making an effort to keep this place clean. I go to the living room and show him my wrist wrapped in warm bandages. He goes quiet. He probably forgot, just like he forgets everything these days.
My hand is way better, but I plan to leverage it for at least one more week. I need to catch up with some schoolwork instead of cleaning this filthy house.
After hours of studying, my stomach growls, and I wonder if it’s worth going downstairs to get some food. But there wouldn’t be anything. I know. Because I didn’t have any money last week. Got into that fucking fight instead.
I grab a protein bar from my bag, and I lay in bed after eating it. I want to take a bath but it will make me even more hungry so there is no point.
I cover my eyes with my arm and try to fall asleep. I have to get some money tonight. I cannot survive on stupid protein or granola bars. Alfred will probably die too. He is usually too drunk to realize he hasn’t eaten anything for the whole day.
I am usually fine. As long as I don’t let the emotions get to me. I am fine. But then it gets exhausting and I snap for no reason. Just like I snapped at Riley today.
I sigh, thinking about my conversation with Natalie. Her disdain, before I distracted her with my threat.
‘You are changing, West. I hope you can feel it. You are changing for the worse... Talk to someone.’ She had suggested today.
As if talking to someone will solve everything.
I don’t need to talk. I just need her back. Her support... Her love.. I want to hold her. Probably Kiss her.
Why would she ask me to talk to someone though?
Does she still care?
“WEST!” Door pounds. I glance at the wall clock. It’s 9 pm. I barely rested for an hour.
“Give me some money... I will bring some food.”
He is hungry too.
“Why didn’t you buy food when you went out to bring your beer?”
“I didn’t have enough money.”
Liar.
I walk into my closet and change my clothes while Alfred pounds the door a few more times. I grab a pack of cheap ramen I hid a few days ago. I open door and hand it to him.
“Don’t you have money?”
He probably checked my room and knows I don’t. I pass by him without saying anything.
“Didn’t you receive anything in your account?”
“No.”
I say and go to the kitchen to grab some water.
“Clean the house tonight. Then maybe I will give you some money.”
I order him before walking out of the house. It’s difficult to believe he is the adult here.
Things have changed, though. Alfred has changed. Grown weak and more irresponsible. His anger has mellowed down too. He doesn’t dare to touch me now. Maybe he is even afraid of me.
The first thing I did after creating distance with Natalie was, put Alfred in his place. So he wouldn’t dare to harm my friends. Fucker had passed her information on some wrong people at my work.
I wonder if Natalie will think it’s for better or worse. Does she even think about me? Now that she has gotten herself a new perfect boyfriend in her fucking perfect life. My blood boils at the unfairness I have faced since childhood. It’s difficult to keep up my facade many times.
A car pulls over by my side and a thick voice says, “Hop on. Time to work!”
and I do.
“Is your head at place today or do you want some more punches in your gut?” Caleb, my drug supplier, asks. It’s my job to sell. He says I am easy to approach at parties and he is scary to look at. He is probably 10-12 years older than me.
I shrug. “I could use a few more punches.”
He chuckles. Caleb isn’t the one to mess around. He is joking but I know he still has a grudge against me. I am the first one to give him a blue eye and a broken nose after all. It’s just a matter of time for him to figure out how he will screw me over.
He takes out a bag from his side and hands it to me.
“It’s 200 pills this time. My cut is $12 each pill. You have a month.”
I swallow.
“It’s way too much in such a little time,” I object.” and if you will take $12 how will I sell this shit? “
He shrugs. “Maybe start selling at school.”
Great! This is just the start of him getting back at me. As if beating me black and blue wasn’t enough for him. He knows I don’t want to do that.
I sometimes wonder if I will survive this school session or not. I am burning energy and hope way faster than ever. Sometimes I feel it’s not worth it. What if nothing changes even in college?
“Or maybe we could hit a party with some cougars. Some old women love young pretty boys like you.”
“Let’s go.”
He chuckles and speeds up the car. As long as he doesn’t ask me to stick my dick in them, I am fine.
....
Going to that private party with Caleb turns out to be a wise decision. I have enough money to last me more than a week. But I still need to sell all of those pills.
I glance at my watch. It’s 4 am. I take a cab to Riley’s place and call her. She cuts my call and texts.
Riley: ‘What?’
Me: ‘Your window... Open it.’
Riley:‘WHAT!’
I chuckle to imagine her getting out of bed and checking her window at this hour.
Me: ‘I will be there in a minute.’
Soon the cab pulls over and I see Riley waiting by her window with her arms crossed across her chest.
She is probably pissed. I pay for the cab and hop out. My phone rings in my hand.
“You are not coming up.” She says as soon as I pick up her call.
What the fuck?
She could have told me this before the cab left.
Anyway. I am here to redeem myself.
“Riley… Listen…” I swallow I take a breath.
I can do this…
“I am sorry.”
She goes quiet. I raise my head to look at her. It’s difficult to make out her face in the dark.
“Would you say something? Or should I say sorry again?” How do these apology things work?
I don’t have much experience. I usually get away with anything I want.
“For what are you apologizing, exactly?”
I sigh. For the whole week, I guess.
“I don’t know... For today.. and every other day when I was an ass to you... I know I am difficult to deal with...”
I am surprised at the words coming out of my mouth. I am in a pleasant mood after getting money and some food at the party.
But it feels right, though. I know she had to bear the brunt last week.
“What happened this morning… It won’t happen again.” I tell her sincerely.
She slides open her window and I climb into her room. I remove my shoes and shirt and join her in bed.
“You will have to leave by 6.” she says. I kiss her while removing her nighty.
She pulls away and frowns.
I look at her and ask, “What?”
“Were you with someone else tonight?”
I realize I have strong women’s perfume lingering on my whole body. I thought those didn’t last long.
“I didn’t fuck anyone or even kiss… if that’s what you are asking.”
They were teasing me, though. Touching me inappropriately, like a toy. This is why I am eager to fuck right now. To take the edge off.
She nods and pulls down her shorts while kissing me again. I remove my jeans too.
Then I take her… and life doesn’t seem shit anymore.
I pound her from behind with her face buried in her pillow. When she shrieks, I pull her by the hair and put my hand on her mouth. I fuck her like a piston on full rage in a gorgeous car. I want to spank and slap her. Make her scream. But we have no choice but to be quiet in this room.
“Come to my place tonight. I will fuck you even better.” I growl in her ear when she shudders in my arms.
I pull out and we lay in bed for a while. Riley gasps, “Oh God! Your injuries! Didn’t it hurt?”
I chuckle. I took one of the pills to make this night bearable. I guess I am still a little high.
“I took painkillers. “I lie to her.
She hugs me and says, “I will come to your place. But no sex. You are taking too many painkillers. Stop taking those.”
She falls asleep in my arms. As I slumber, questions about Natalie whirl in my mind. The one that bothers me most is:
Do I want to choose between her and Riley?
Is it sordid to want them both?
