Chapter 25: Where the Fire Rages

“Not in this state, Zarion!” I hissed, my glare as sharp as knives.

I pushed his body from mine but I ended up tumbling on the floor. Even in this situation, he was still smirking. “There’s nothing funny here!” He laughed even more but ended up coughing after that, making me more distressed. “Your face is so funny when you’re scared.”

“Really? You still have time to joke around while you’re—” I shut my eyes and just let him do whatever he wants. A tear escaped from my right eye, but I abruptly looked away to wipe it.

Too late. He had already seen it.

“Hey, hey, sorry about that. Werewolf heals faster than humans. This—what happened to me, is just nothing, Cassidy.”

“R-Really?” Sniffed, I wiped the tip of my nose. “Must be nice to be a werewolf, huh.”

Zarion shut his eyes in a heartbeat. “No, we’re not talking about this again.”

“I have already decided, Zarion. I want to be a werewolf. Why are you so against it?!”

“Because I don’t want you to regret it!” I heard him breathe and attempted to reach for my hand. “That is an impulsive decision, Cassidy. Being a werewolf is no fun. I want you to… I want you to enjoy your life because being a werewolf is like living for centuries of torment. You are going to be immortal. Do you want that for yourself? Do you want to live your life like that?!”

“If any human being would hear what you said, they will definitely be taking the chance to be immortal, Zarion. I mean—who wouldn’t want the gift of eternal life? To never die? To live forever in this world? It’s a paradise, Zarion. This—” I wave my hand to his body. “Being a werewolf is a paradise for us.”

“You don’t want to be like me,” he uttered to himself, his lips pressed into a thin line as he shifted his gaze away from my face. My jaw flexed as I whispered, “You’re wrong… because I want to be like you.”

After saying that, he decided not to talk to me anymore. I thought he was asleep, but he’s not. He was just staring at the blankness of the fireplace. The cold thickens and my patience thinned. My decision is final: I want to be like him. I want to be with him.

I got up from my seat and followed Elliot’s prescription about how to help his wounds. It’s been an hour. We need to change his bandages.

“What are you doing?” Zarion asked, trying to stop my hand from touching his skin. I glared at him. “Changing your bandage, I guess?”

“That’s Elliot’s job.”

“He told me to do it. What’s wrong with you?”

He looked away. Again. I let out a mirthless laugh and put down the scissor on the table. “Wow, you really don’t trust me, do you?”

“Guess I don’t have a choice.”

I let my scowl be visible. “Look, I’ve been doing this for about eighteen years of my life. Relax and I know what I’m doing.” It was an insult to me actually. Do I look like someone who doesn’t know what to do if someone’s hurt? I’ve been taking care of animals and giving them shelter the very moment they are near door’s death. And this is what he thinks of me?!

“Ah! Cass!” Zarion hissed. I must’ve pushed the needle a little too much because of the thought. “Oh, my mistake,” I mumbled sarcastically. “But you know…why do I like the sound of you whimpering in pain?”

“Fuck,” he cursed. “Are you crazy?”

I smiled because I felt like I’d won something. I tried opening a casual conversation while stitching Zarion’s remaining wounds. “How old are you?” I will not give up asking that question until he answers me, even if I ask that a thousand times.

“I've already told you before.”

“I want to hear it again.”  The water on the wooden pail turned red when I dipped the metallic operating scissor. “Please... tell me.”

“A century and a half.” His glare was sharper than the scissor I’m holding. “I've lived long enough to meet humans like you.” I slammed the scissor on the table. I was done doing my part. Blood flows from my arms, and I scrub my arms to wash them away with water. Elliot’s kitchen sink was covered with blood too and it took me a couple of minutes to clean the mess. I kind of regret helping the bastard who didn’t even know how to thank me. All he did was disappoint me and discourage me.

I went back to my chair and stared at Zarion. “And I’m young enough to be yours, is that what you’re trying to say?”

He did not say anything. And I let my anger take hold of my tongue. “What's the point of living if you don't want to find your mate anyway?” It’s a random question. Well, it wasn’t random at all. I’ve been meaning to ask him about that. He said he doesn’t want to find his mate. According to Delilah, he’s been finding her for long, long years, up until now to no avail.

What if I’m his mate? I brushed the thought, shoving it into the abyss in me. I am Alpha Brandon’s mate. I cannot be a mate to two Alphas, can I?

“Why are you still alive?” What’s the point of his life if he doesn’t have a partner to spend it with?

“Living is not just about mating,” he tilted his head. “I have more enemies to kill, that's why I haven’t yet stabbed my own heart. Or even threatened Elliot to do it.” Then Zarion fell silent. I swallowed a lump in my throat. My heart beat like crazy and I’m afraid it would burst out and run towards Zarion. All the hair on my skin stands to its tip when he starts talking again. “I don’t want my mate to live like me. That is if I have a mate.”

He keeps on telling me this, but I was so fucking in denial. Why did I think I could change his mind, huh? It took me a few seconds to reply. “What if I’m your mate? What if I’m a mate to both you and Brandon’s?!”

“Cassidy, you should sleep.”

“What if it is, Zarion?” Determination pulsed in every part of me. Though I waited for the answer I already knew. It’s not possible; I’m just assuming and suggesting things that will benefit me.

“No… no… no… Z-Zarion…” My mouth trembled as I spoke. “...you’re not t-telling me—”

Zarion’s jaw tensed. “I’m going to kill myself as soon as I found the witch. Ssince, uh, I couldn’t find her in this state,” he waved a hand to his wounds. “The witch has a potion of death, and I would rest in peace after that, Cassidy. That’s my plan.”

“No, no, no!” I couldn’t breathe, a shriek escaped my lungs. The world stilled and darkness descended, stars exploding in my vision. Why do I share his sentiment? I felt sad and hurt like him. Why am I like an extension of his essence?

My lungs are squeezing me out. Standing, I ran and went to my room overlooking the snow-capped mountains. Until night came, I remained isolated. I cried myself to sleep. I was so enraged at Zarion because of his decision. “There are so many people living in the world who are dying but want to live, whereas him…”

I slammed my heart’s door shut. I can’t do this anymore. Still…“I love him.” There, I said that. Felt that. I don’t care if this is an unrequited love or a one-way emotion as long as he remains alive, breathing. I can’t manage to see my first love dying for such a pitiful reason.

I don’t care if I die with him either. That was the last thing I thought before I welcomed sleep.