Chapter 37: Erratic

My mouth fell open. Is that…what the hell did I smell delicious earlier?!

Was that… No. No, no, no. It can’t be Alpha Brandon, is it? If he is, then that means—

I glanced at Zarion who was leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen. He was intently looking at me, eyeing my every move like a hawk. Even at this state, I could still describe how hot he is.

“Yes, we spotted Brandon earlier when we were hunting,” Elliot muttered before sipping from his cup of aromatic coffee.

“I don’t know werewolves drink coffee, Elliot.” The healer chuckled with me, and he could really pass as my naughty little brother.

Zarion never took his eyes off at me.

I wanted to apologize to Zarion, but he already told me not to keep saying sorry.

Sighing, I told them I’m going to sleep.

Elliot has been busier finding ways to make the rejection faster—or another way to turn me into a werewolf safely. While Elliot has been busy with his own endeavor, Zarion got me a herbal plant. Jasmine, I presumed. He pushes the blanket on my bed and softly strokes my arms with intimacy I cannot distinguish. “Hey. Get up.”

“Hnmm?” I moaned and opened my eyes slowly.

“I found this herb.” Alpha Zarion summoned me to inhale that. I found out that he went out in all the frigidness of the weather just to get that herb at Elliot’s greenhouse. He said that we’re just going to try if it works. “It will help you calm down.”

“Thank you,” I whispered after drinking the tea he made using that herb. I didn’t know Zarion had this side of him. Caring and altruistic. He took care of me like a precious and expensive vase—easily to break anytime and anywhere.

The herb works when I have a nightmare when the fucking bastard is mating again with his wife. However, it doesn’t fully heal me. It’s just temporary—a painkiller to my already aching body.

Sometimes, I just want to disappear. The pain is immensely excruciating that I just prayed the earth would swallow me whole and never to spit me again.

It’s killing me.

The other night, I caught a cold. Not just a normal cold. It’s probably caused by Brandon, again. “Z-Zarion…” I called for him, my mouth freezing. I clenched my teeth so hard but the cold never went away.

“Cassidy!” The Alpha shrieked, mumbling curses under his breath when he saw my situation. “Come here…” his worried voice made me smile a little, grabbing the blanket on my bed. He sat beside me and draped his arms around my shoulders. I wrapped my legs around him and felt his heat instantly.

But still… it’s not enough. “Zarion, I’m still cold.” My voice is shaking and it almost feels as if it wasn’t my voice.

He muttered another set of curses in the wind. I watch him remove all his pieces of clothes, leaving his boxers alone for me to gape. Zarion shifted his position and took me to him closer. And closer. I know we’ve been close before, but never been this close. A smile crawled across my face, my lips blooming in joy. His forehead creased when he beheld me. “You’re smiling at this shitful situation?”

I chuckled, placing both of my palms on his hairy chest. “If I had known we’re going to be closer like this, I’m going to keep wishing to the Moon Goddess to always have a cold.”

His breathing became misty. “That’s not a good joke. Not a joke either.”

But I just let out another laugh and looked up at his ice-hard face. He was breathing heavily; his warmth absorbing all the coldness of my body.

“Damn, don’t you think it’s so unfair that my mate can have sex with a woman while I—”

“While you, what?” he challenged, raising an eyebrow. I laughed again and leaned to his presence, my head on his chest. My smile dropped when I heard the erratic beating of his heart.

Why is your heart beating so loud, Zarion?

I wanted to ask him that, but the other side of me doesn’t want to—warned not to. Maybe because I’m afraid that he might come up with an answer I’m afraid will surely hurt my feelings. My demons.

Emotions are our own demons, Elliot once said. Oh Goddess…how right he fucking is.

Zarion caressed my arms, his fingers grazing my skin. His hands started circling and descending to my back. I flinched at the touch. Yet he kept on wandering until he reached my nape, my collarbones, the tip of my breast to my belly button. Zarion’s hands rested on my stomach, and I could feel the butterflies erupting at his sudden presence there.

I started to feel heat in my body. No, I have long felt the heat on my body. It’s me who kept denying him as if I wasn’t hungry for his attention, for his warmth.

“Zarion, I’m still cold,” I whispered again, hiding the grin within my soul. He looked at me while he bit his lower lip. “Let’s remove your clothes.”

Without further ado, he grabbed the edge of my shirt and slowly hoisted it above my head, taking off my shirt first. His warm calloused hands ignited the fire inside me, and I gave in to those flames. I could feel the throbbing in between my thighs when he accidentally touched the tip of my peak.

I moaned, even if I should have groaned.

Zarion licked his lower lip and apologized, “Sorry.”

I didn’t reply to him. Instead, I gave him an eye—that look that says devour me, Alpha. I felt something hollow in my stomach when he returned my gaze with the same heat and intensity. And silent plea.

Zarion’s eyes sparked with lust and hunger. Not just any hunger, but a hunger that is only meant for me to see. My heart beats like crazy as if it’s about to explode against my chest.

Silence enveloped us. No one tried to break the ice.

It was I who did.

“Are you not seriously thinking about it, huh?” I breathed. No, I was begging. I couldn’t recognize my own voice as I have been a slave to my own body.

He shuts his eyes close, groaning. It’s only a matter of seconds before his long rope of patience will eventually break. “I want it, Zarion… “

Zarion seized my jaw and locked it with his hand. “What is it that you want, Cassidy?”

“I… want… you…” I beseech him like how a slave begged her master. My chest heaved up and down. I just ignored it. His eyes never leave mine, imprisoned within my erotic gaze. When I looked down, he tipped my chin up again.

And there it was, the fire shining bright in his eyes. Though both narrowed, one cannot be mistaken by the flames dancing in those masculine gaze.

“Tell me what you really want,” he commanded—demanded—using his Alpha voice.

“I want you to fuck me, Alpha Zarion.” Me. Not anyone else but me.

He chuckled mirthlessly. “Are you my mate?”

I glared at him. “Do I have to be?”

Why is he always trying to break the spell?

“ You are not…” he paused for emphasis, “...my mate.” Zarion is taunting me. Yet, it made me even lunatic for his dick. He made me crazy even more, my soul yearning for his soul.

“I don’t care,” I declared using that same Alpha-like voice even though I am just a mere human. Even though he was clearly trying to test me, the throbbing in the middle of my thighs did not yield. My clit vibrated against my thong more and more…and the unbearable need for Zarion is making me lose my sanity.

“You’re not my fucking mate, Cassidy.” Zarion repeated those words. “You don’t really know what you want.”

That you are just a child, a brat.

“No, I know what I want.” I said with a hint of finalization, my voice firm and whole. “ I want you, Alpha. Please… please… just give it to me!”

I don’t care if he thinks of me as a whore with the way I beg.

One smooth move and he freed my breast from my bra and curses. Zarion likes cursing and it’s immensely hot despite my Grandma used to tell me that it’s unethical and despicable. I opened my eyes and felt the heat that ran through my skin. A different kind of heat, the one I’ve been waiting for. The reason why I left my grandmother—

“Zarion…” He was freely massaging me as his kisses dropped on my neck. When he reached my nub, I moaned.

I felt his other hand behind me, stopping me from falling to bed even when I am already melting in his arms.

“Yes, Zarion. Fuck me. Fuck me as if I am your mate.” I could no longer contain my wildness. I don’t care if he slaps me or pricks my tongue, I said what I said.

Fuck me, Alpha Zarion. Even if I am not your mate. As if I am your mate.