Chapter 67

“He totally loves you,” Tracy put in.

“Mm,” Cam mumbled, putting down the shaker and starting to hand glasses around.

“You got a man with commitment troubles, girl?” Elvira asked, plopping the wedge of pâté in the middle of some fanned out crackers.

“Five years together, four in the same house,” Camille answered.

“Oh boy,” Elvira muttered, using the breadknife to attack the wrap on the brie.

“I see good things, I see them soon, I feel it in my bones,” I quickly announced, taking my cosmo. “He’s close, Cam, I know it.”

“I know it too!” Trace added but Elvira was looking at me.

Then she looked at Cam. “I read people,” she stated, lifting the breadknife to her face and circling the blade an inch away from her skin as I held my breath. “Faces. They tell no lies. Like that TV show. I got the gift. And your girl here, she tells no lies. I ain’t one to blow sunshine, seein’ as I’ve known my share of commitment-phobes, so many I could write the Denver Directory of Commitment-Phobes, but she sees good things, she feels it in her bones, she’s your girl, she’s tellin’ no lies which means,” she stuck the breadknife in Cam’s face, “you give this boy some time.”

After Elvira laid down the law and Cam was staring at the knifepoint two inches from her face, I reached out, wrapped my hand around Elvira’s wrist and pulled her hand and the knife down.

When I did, her eyes swung to me.

“Hawk has a rule about proper usage of knives in his house,” I muttered.

“I bet he does,” Elvira replied. “He got a rule about the proper usage of ninja stars?”

“Probably,” I muttered because this was actually probably true.

“Can I have a cosmo?” Trace asked and Cam finished handing them out.

“Boards’re done,” Elvira announced, plonking the brie next to the grapes. “Let’s retire to the sittin’ room.”

“Well?” Elvira asked. “What you all waitin’ for? Dig in.”

We all fell on the food like vultures.

I was shoving a slice of French baton smothered in red onion marmalade, pâté and topped with gherkin slices into my mouth when Elvira observed, “I shoulda bought some of those little spreaders. With the fancy handles. Crate and Barrel had some good ones. You got brie and pâté and kickass stoneware, you need fancy-handled spreaders.”

Hawk’s cement, iron and brick warehouse lair could handle slim-stemmed, sleek martini glasses but I figured it would expel fancy-handled spreaders.

I didn’t tell Elvira this.

Instead, I asked the room (which meant Tracy and Camille since Elvira didn’t really know me), “Do you think I live in my head?”

Tracy and Cam instantly looked across the coffee table at each other.

“That means yes,” Elvira translated through a mouth full of brie and apple wedge.

I looked at Trace then I looked at Cam. “You do?”

“Girl –” Cam started.

“It’s okay,” Tracy said quickly. “We all do what we need to do to protect ourselves and you need to live in your dream world.”

“I don’t live in a dream world,” I said but this wasn’t true. A lot of the time I did. It just wasn’t all of the time. “I live my life. I go out. I have fun. I put myself out there.”

“Leo calls you Queen Crash and Burn,” Cam announced and my eyes went to her.

“What?”

“Queen Crash and Burn. You get all dressed up, go out, smile, chat, flirt… then it’s all, ‘Hey! Great talking to you! Later!’ No number. No nothin’. They think you’re into them and they’re gonna get them some and off you trot and you don’t look back. Queen Crash and Burn.”

Uh… wow.

“I do that?” I asked but I knew I did. I didn’t know I did until just then, having it pointed out to me, but when it was, I knew I did it.

“Totally,” Tracy confirmed on a whisper.

“Did Delgado say you lived in your head?” Cam asked and I nodded. “Why?”

“We were having a… discussion. I told him I needed to think about what he’d said and then he said I didn’t need to think, I live in my head, I shut things out. He says I haven’t given him me. He says I have a hand held up, fending him off,” I answered.

Tracy and Camille’s eyes went back to each other.

“See you do that too,” Elvira noted.

“I’m open and friendly!” I declared.

Cam sighed, sat back and took a sip of cosmo.

Preparing me.

Oh shit.

Then she stated, “Babe, I know you’ve had a lot goin’ on the last week but have you had a chance to think about what’s gone down with you and Delgado?”

“Yes,” I replied instantly. “I think about it all the time.”

“And what you come up with, hon?” Elvira asked.

“I don’t know, I have to think about it more,” I answered, Elvira rolled her big eyes and she did this at Tracy. Tracy giggled.

Crap! I was living in my head again.

“Okay,” I asked Cam, knowing I was living dangerously, “tell me what you think about it.”

“I will,” Cam replied.

Great.

Welp! I’d asked for it and in pure Cam style, she was going to give it to me.

“Has it occurred to you that, after all that time doin’ nothin’ but the nasty, you spoke to this guy once, once, and he was all up in your business?” Cam asked.

No. No, that hadn’t occurred to me.

“No,” I whispered.

“So, say you opened your mouth for more than just to do a little somethin’-somethin’ when he visited you at night, where do you think you’d be right about now?” Cam continued.

Oh my God.

I didn’t reply but Camille answered for me. “I’d say right where you are, babe.”

Oh. My. God.

“I –” I started.

“You’ve had that hand held up for a year and a half, Sammie,” Trace said quietly.

“Mm hmm,” Elvira mumbled into her cosmo.

God! I hated it when Hawk was right!

“Do you… do you…,” I stammered, “think I should take down that hand?”

“Yes,” Tracy said instantly.

“Absolutely,” Elvira added her vote.

“Jury’s still out on that one,” Cam replied, got up and declared the discussion was over, it was time for me to sort myself out and she did this by announcing, “I’m making more cosmos.” Then she glided into the kitchen on her four inch heels.

I leaned forward and grabbed a bunch of grapes and a bigger bunch of assorted chocolates. I needed to think about all this.

Or maybe, I didn’t.

Shit.