Chapter 8

It was getting dark when Baron returned home from his ranch. He looked so tired but he managed to prepare dinner for his daughter. He didn't eat himself but he watched Juana eat. Juana was in her parents' room when he arrived. She was hugging her mom's things, her cream, her jewelries, her pillow, her dresses, and she had fallen asleep in that position. It was Baron who woke her up and took her to the dining room while he began preparing dinner.

"Did you have anything to eat?"

"Yes I fried chicken" but she was lying. She had only eaten some cookies she found in the kitchen and she was famished now. At the table, she smelt the soup and tasted it. It was delicious. Baron had taken pain to make his mind alive while preparing it. He was deeply repentant for ruining his daughter's breakfast on her birthday and for not coming to make lunch as he promised

"I called you but you didn't take it" he said

"I was not aware" Juana said.

The house was boring and dull without Dawn. No one had even cleaned anywhere. The chairs were dusty, the plates were in the kitchen sink, unwashed. The laundry was beside the washing machine, unwashed. One dining chair was empty. Mom's seat was empty. Her laughter that reverberated around the house was gone. Dinner was Vine-Ripe Pink Tomato soup and Toast. There was a plate of roast beef too. It tasted exactly the way Dawn's cooking tasted and that gave Juana a sick feeling, like someone-wants-to-replace-my-mom feeling. 'He must have looked up her recipes somewhere' she thought. She was really hungry but she stopped eating after four spoonfuls. She had lost her appetite.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Juana was quiet. She dropped her spoon on the tray and looked towards the hallway, expecting her mom to mysteriously appear from there and shout:"Hey y'all don't wanna call me to dinner?" with her loud giggles and laughter.

"I wasn't absentminded, I swear. I even used my wife's recipes. I checked her cooking methods somewhere. Really. I don't know it would come out bad still" he wiped his brow and stood up.

"Why do I keep doing this? I did check the quantity of salt she used, the curry, oil, everything! I swear darling" He sounded angry with himself and he kept hitting his head. Juana was quiet all through. Her mind was not in the dining room. She was still staring at the hallway. Now she could see her mom coming. She was walking slowly and smiling a big smile. Walking towards the dining room. Juana smiled and waited for her, but when she was few seconds away from her chair, she vanished.

"Juana, I'm sorry. Please look at me. I could have spotted the error in the meal but I didn't taste it" he touched her shoulder and rubbed it lightly.

That jerked her out of her reverie. "You haven't had any meal yet?" She spoke for the first time. There was concern in her voice.

"No I'm not hungry" he said coldly

The meal was too delicious to be thrown away. She wanted to let her dad know that the food was okay, and it wasn't his fault that she was not eating it, and that if mom was here, she would have consumed everything and even ask for more. She ate three more spoonfuls but the whole food came out of her mouth with force and fell on the floor.

"Okay darling, you don't have to force yourself to eat this. I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow" he said putting the glass of water to her lips. But after sipping a little, she went back to eating, forcing the food down her throat. She ate voraciously and violently.

"Is mom ever coming back?" She asked still swallowing the soup and the toast. She barely chewed the beef even and she choked on it several times. Yet she didn't stop. She was determined not to waste her dad's efforts that night. She saw through the corner of her eyes that her father's eyes were teary. Oh no! This isn't happening, is it?

"Is she ever coming back, dad?" She asked again stopping to catch her breath.

"She will come back" he whispered "She'll return" he said again.

"Are you sure dad?" She asked.Her plates were empty now. And she was calmer.

"I'm not sure" he replied honestly.

Juana left the table because the tears were coming to her eyes. Backing the dining room and her dad and facing the hallway, she whispered 'Goodnight Dad' and then took two steps forward before adding 'The food was delicious' 'Mom must come back' she said and walked to her room, leaving Baron speechless

One week passed before news came about the airplane that was hijacked. The one Juana's mother and her boss were in. Baron had been busy, like families of other victims anxiously attending meetings and waiting for news on the search. Juana had gotten very introverted and she listened to the radio and watched the TV often now, and most of all kept sending emails to mom without receiving any back. The news that came said the plane was attacked by some terrorists who were on suicide mission. Of all the 154 people aboard, 23 were stabbed and were receiving treatment in an Australian hospital nearby. As soon as they were stabbed, they were taken away and rushed to the hospital. The pilots were among those stabbed when they didn't want to cooperate with the terrorists' instructions. The airplane hit the Sydney tower and crashed with the people in it. A total of 1,350 people died. The names of those who were stabbed but still alive receiving treatment were not mentioned. Juana was angry and scared.

"Only 23 people are alive but their names were not mentioned. How do I know if mom is among those 23 or she's probably dead with the crash" she told her class teacher in school one Monday.

"I know how you feel dear. Please be calm, they'll surely reveal those people's names soon" she said rubbing her shoulder. It was recess and she was the only one in class(as usual) with Aunt Ann.

"What if mom is not one of them?" She said

"I know how you feel" Aunt Ann said again

"No you don't! How can you know how I feel? Have you lost a loved one before? Have you ever feared seeing your mother dead?" She yelled and it took Ann by surprise because she had been calm since their conversation began.

"Juana" she called softly. Juana shook her head and looked out the door. Recess would be over in five minutes.

"I want you to understand that sometimes unfortunate incidents do happen, even to good people. We have to learn to cope with reality and be rest assured that God is with us in it all and he'll help us overcome it" she waited to see Juana's reaction before continuing.

"Your mother is a good woman. She's prayerful and devoted. I'm kind of sure nothing unfortunate has happened to her or to you" she said again. Juana looked at her

"How do you mean nothing unfortunate has happened to me? Have you lost your mother before huh?" Her eyes were red.

"No my mother is alive, and there is a chance your mother is still alive too" Ann said. She didn't mind Juana being rude to her. She understood that she was grieving.

"Yes. I've never believed mom could die. She looked so immortal, so full of life. She can't die, can she?" She asked her teacher thoughtfully. Ann sighed.

"Whatever happens, I don't want you to lose yourself, okay?" As soon as she said this, the bell went off for biology practical time.

"I beg to go home now because I can't focus in the class" Juana said and left the class with her bag. She left hurriedly without waiting for approval from her teacher. Nothing was the same again in her house. Juana was worried, she spent most of her time in her room alone. She mostly stared blankly at her computer screen and wrote letters to her mom in her big diary. One of such letters read:

Hello mom, your daughter is thirteen already. Where's the gift you promised her? You never promised to gift her your dead body, so why are you not here? Why are you silent? Why's your phone number out of coverage? Why are you not replying your emails? Why are you not calling or texting her? Where are you? Are you in heaven? If yes, why so soon? You told your daughter you were going to Australia but why change your mind? You promised to come two weeks ago but you're still not here? Where are you? Are you even listening? Did you get stabbed by someone? Is your heart still beating in your chest or it's long stopped? If you won't come alive, then where is your corpse? I want to see you, whether dead or alive, I badly want to see you. Please reply me. I'm going crazy here, I can't eat or do anything right. Dad's running mad. Granny's talking to me only in bits. School is a mess. Everything is falling apart. Please come back now and set everything right again. I miss you so much."

If she wasn't typing emails and writing letters, she was watching TV and listening to the radio. If she wasn't doing any of those two, then she was staring at nothing. Baron was not always around. He spent most of his time at the ranch, and Juana knew he wasn't doing that because his mind was there, he was doing that to make his mind wander away from worrying about everything. It was what he did to stay sane. The first week after the news, he spent plenty of time with his daughter. He brought in her favourites- chocolates, vanilla flavored ice cream, maple syrup pancakes and homemade buttery cookies and she ate them all without complaining. But the second week was hell; she couldn't take it anymore. She threw those things at her father and smashed her phone on the floor. Baron had to get her a new phone but she rejected it.

"Give me what I want and that's mom!"

"But I don't know where she is" he said hurt

"Look for her, whatever! Bring her here quickly" she yelled. Baron couldn't handle his daughter whenever she was furious because she damaged gadgets and did a lot of irrational things. Maybe that was why he stayed at the farm most of the time after the second week. He sent food and money to her through one of his female ranch hands and spent some nights at the ranch with his other ranch hands.

Juana's concentration at school took a dip. She was still constantly bullied and she still had no friends. Even though she stopped studying, she didn't fail any of her class assessment tests. Something happened one day that pushed her to the wall.

One day in class, Adam and Lilian mixed urine with acid and put it in her locker. The urine had poured on her books and she was careful not to touch the mixture so it won't burn. She was mad at who did it, and she knew who. Adam and Lilian were dating and they were her chief bullies. Immediately she saw the uncovered bottle of urine spilling on the books she kept in her locker, her fury was multiplied. She ran madly to Adam's seat and hit him on the head. It was during chemistry practical and the teacher was backing the class when that happened. Adam hit her back but she didn't stop. She stabbed him on the face with her pen and kicked his groin. Everybody shouted. Their teacher, Mr Joe tried to stop the fight but he was hit with a blow to his shoulder. Some of the students ran out of the class to avoid bring mistakenly hit like their teacher. Mr Joe ran to fetch the school principal who came to settle the matter. When they were finally separated, Juana was bleeding on her lips and elbow but Adam was in pain; there was blood gushing out of the area around his eyelids and his whole body was aching from all the blows. The two of them were suspended from the school for fighting. Lilian was crying when she saw the state of her boyfriend

Juana was indifferent about the suspension. When she got home, her father was not around but she had a spare key. She was short of breath and couldn't find the inhaler in her bag. It must have been taken by one of her bullies. She tried to open the door to get the spare one in her drawer but her hands were shaking.

She fell on the short rows of staircase in front of the house and gasped for breath. She poured the contents of her bag on the floor and searched frantically for the inhaler but it was not there. Her chest was caught in her throat and she was hardly breathing. She took her phone and struggled to dial her father's number

"Hello darling. Do you need something?"

"Dad, c..l..I'm .. come h..home"

"What? Are you okay?"

Just then, Baron's car appeared on the road. He was coming towards the house. He was driving carelessly. He barely stopped the car before jumping out

"Juana! Juana!" He called, carrying her in his arms. He hurriedly opened the door and fetched the inhaler in her drawer. He had saved her. He heaved a sigh of relief when he saw that she looked better. He also wondered why she was home at the time. It was just 12pm. Not 3:30. But then he saw the suspension letter in her bag and sighed.