I'm So Sorry

Veronica

The night Noah returned from helping out Gio and his uncle, they came to one compromise. Their friendship would remain just that, a friendship, except Noah negotiated a kiss goodnight—every night.

Veronica hadn't argued much, and though she stipulated it would be strictly a friendly kiss, she knew it would be anything but. What started as a quick peck goodnight had escalated into a kiss that nearly had her panting and in a quick need of a change of panties. The following nights it got even longer.

Her first few days back at work she'd barely managed to stay awake. Between her sleepless nights after Noah's amazing use of his tongue and the two years' worth of painfully boring work compliance trainings and videos she had to sit through, it was hard to keep her eyes open.

Her boss, Leslie, had yet to tell her where she'd end up once she was done training but seemed pretty optimistic that she still had plenty of time to figure it out since it would probably be weeks before Veronica was all caught up with her trainings. Really? This is what she'd looked forward to and spent hundreds of dollars on a new wardrobe for?

Derek had texted her twice that week and called her once, leaving a voicemail saying he was looking forward to getting together with her again soon. The way things were going with Noah, who now, despite the fact that he agreed they'd remain friends, acted every bit the possessive boyfriend around other guys, she didn't see how that would ever happen.

And the fact was after a week of being completely incapable of fighting her desires for Noah, Veronica had now started to consider the possibilities. She was going to dinner tonight with Nellie and was hoping her best friend could help her figure this out. Nellie had called a few days ago, admitting she'd been feeling incredibly guilty about how much she'd neglected their friendship in the last couple of months.

Veronica told her she didn't have to but was secretly happy to hear Nellie say she was going to make it a point to get together with Veronica more often from here on. Deep inside, she didn't like the fact that she'd become so dependent on Noah to keep her company—be her only friend. She needed to feel there was more going on in her life than just him.

A couple of her friends from work had also made mention of having to get together and catch up. But for now, it was just mentioned. No one had actually planned anything.

Just a little over a week after New Year's, Veronica had easily convinced herself that maybe Noah was mature enough for her to get involved with. He took his boxing and training career very seriously. Even though his career choice was a bit unconventional, he had many goals and aspirations, but most admirable was his discipline. He could easily slack off and take a day off from training or veer off the special diet he'd put himself on when training for a fight, but he never did.

She had to admit she knew men much older than him that hadn't the faintest idea what they wanted out of life. Even though she still had her doubts about Noah being willing and able to commit to a serious relationship at such a young age, he was the one who seemed most adamant that something like that could work.

Veronica sent Noah a text reminding him that she'd be skipping her workout tonight and that she'd be home a little later because she was having dinner with Nellie. It didn't seem weird that she'd be checking in with him. He'd started to do the same with her as well. Ever since the morning after their little argument that ended with her in tears and she left that note for him to let him know where she was, he thanked her for that and she knew he genuinely worried about her. She didn't see it as having to check in, more as extending courtesy so her friend wouldn't worry.

Nellie had agreed to meet her at a local Cuban restaurant—one of their favorites. She seemed excited about catching up, and Veronica quickly brought her up to speed about everything. She purposely gave her more details of her holidays with Noah, leaving nothing out until she got to New Year's Eve.

Nellie's jaw dropped when Veronica told her about making out with him. "I don't know. It was just something that had been building for weeks, and I let myself go with it." She smiled, feeling like she was back in high school again. "Nellie, he's incredible, and it wasn't just kissing. It got pretty heavy. I mean," she brought her hands to her neck, "the hickeys just finally faded completely a few days ago."

She'd barely gotten the sentence out when Nellie spit up her drink and grabbed for her napkin. Veronica laughed. She knew how ridiculous it sounded, but she was so relieved to be telling someone about it she didn't care.

"Hickeys? What are you thirteen?"

Veronica laughed even more now. God, she'd missed Nellie. When they were both done with their giggle fest, Veronica bit her bottom lip and said the words she hadn't allowed herself to even think about seriously. "He said he's in love with me. Told me so New Year's Eve."

Veronica didn't think Nellie could look any more stunned than she had just a few minutes earlier. "I know, right?" Veronica asked, not sure if she should laugh again or puke. "We've only known each other a few months, and at his age, he probably doesn't even know what love is."

"He's not a little boy, Roni." Nellie had that tone she always had when she was being very serious. "Okay, so he's younger than you, but a twenty-year-old man is capable of knowing the difference between lust and love. If he says he's in love, I believe him."

"Really?" Veronica leaned in closer, whispering as if the people at the next table might hear and think her as ridiculous as she felt.

"What is so crazy about his being in love with you? You're a wonderful person, and he's obviously picked up on that, not to mention you're stunning. Look at you."

As usual, Nellie did what she always did best—chased all the self-doubt away that Roni so easily harbored, but there was more to it than just that. "So am I crazy for even considering this?"

Nellie stirred her drink and looked at Veronica very seriously. "What is it you're considering exactly?"

Veronica shrugged, suddenly feeling completely unsure of what she'd so successfully convinced herself earlier. "At first, I was completely against the idea of anything between me and him ever happening, but now, I don't know. It doesn't seem so out of the question."

"What do you have in mind? I mean if he's saying he's in love with you, you really have to be careful what you decide to do here. Are you looking for a relationship with him, or are we talking just giving in to your carnal desires?"

Veronica laughed nervously. Saying this aloud made it sound as unrealistic as she originally thought. "He's a lot more mature than I gave him credit for in the beginning." She took a sip of her soda, contemplating whether she should bring up her real fears. "He's really sweet, and his loyalty is so admirable. His friends mean everything to him." She really did admire his loyalty. She'd never met anyone quite like him and his friends. Abel looked ready to kill the guy that blindsided Noah. He might've too if they hadn't pulled him off. "Loyal equals trustworthy, right?"

"Is that what you're worried about? If you can trust him?"

Veronica nodded but quickly added. "It's not like he's given me any reason to think that he couldn't be trusted. And this whole time he's been living with me, all he does is go to work and come straight home, except for the times he's gone over to his friends . . ." She stopped short of telling her about his ride with Rita, but of course, Nellie was a step ahead of her as usual.

"And what does he do when he goes there?"

"Nothing, he just hangs out." She met Nellie's eyes for a second then decided she may as well tell her. She'd already gushed about how wonderful Thanksgiving had been. "Okay, the day after Thanksgiving, he went over to his friend Gio's. He said he was just going to hang out. Even now, I don't expect explanations from him about anything. And things have progressed significantly since, so back then he owed me even less." She frowned, the emotion she'd felt the night she found out about Rita coming back to her, but she held it back. "I found out later he'd slept with Gio's cousin that day."

Nellie stared at her but said nothing. She could feel Nellie waiting for her to go on, but her voice had caught. She didn't want Nellie to see how something Noah did over a month ago when they were no more than roommates still hurt.

Finally, Nellie sat up a bit straighter. Veronica expected her to go into some kind of lecture about how that's what was to be expected from a guy Noah's age. She was almost hoping for it. If anyone could talk some sense into her, it would be Nellie, but instead she reached across the table and touched her hand.

"Honey, I am so sorry that I haven't been here for you. Obviously, so much has been going on with you, and you've had no one to share this with."