Please Talk To Me

Roni

A week after their Rita conversation, Veronica was feeling as indecisive as ever about moving things forward with Noah. His admission about how and why things had happened the day after Thanksgiving and the fact that he gave her the go-ahead to question him—that she was entitled to explanations about his personal life—should've have been a deciding factor. But ironically, something else about that conversation had made her more aware of how frightening it was to put herself out there like that.

The only times in her life that she could remember her heart feeling this incredibly vulnerable and ready to fall apart over a guy had unbelievably both been because of him: first, the night after his fight when she was forced to see him with a groupie and then later that same night when she found out about Rita. But hearing that he'd seen Rita the day after she'd finally given into her desire for him—the very day after he'd admitted to being in love with her—had such an instant crushing effect. It was something she'd never experienced before, and even though it turned out to be nothing, she was now terrified of having to feel that way ever again.

She'd been so thankful that she'd insisted on getting to the bottom of his relationship with Rita because she now had even more reason to keep moving slowly, but things had moved forward a bit. Nothing huge had happened, but there were small significant changes. Like after dinner now when they sat and watched television, she allowed for more snuggling.

And when he'd sneak in more nuzzling of her neck and ears as she cooked or even when they were in her darkroom when he claimed he wanted to learn how to develop photos, she wasn't so quick to put a stop to it. But it was always sweet and gentle. The only times things got heavy were their goodnight kisses, but she'd manage to fight the urge to just pull him in her room and do what she really wanted to do to him.

As much as her hunger to give in completely was getting harder to fight with every day that passed, there was something else that was quick to stop her in her tracks. She'd already seen it even before New Year's. She was becoming excessively dependent on him. While he had his boxing, his training, and his friends, she had little going on aside from him. If it hadn't been for Noah, she would've had the most pathetic and lonely holidays of her life.

Before her mother got sick, she'd never been like this. She had plenty of friends and colleagues. Her photography was a huge part of her life. She even had a blog specifically for her photos and which had even started to make some money. It'd been literally years since she last updated her blog and even longer since she'd uploaded any new photographs.

The fact that Derek had walked away when she'd become too engrossed in the care of her mother to focus on anyone or anything was a huge reminder of a bad habit she'd always had. When there was something big going on in her life, she tended to obsess about it to the point of neglecting everything and everyone else in her life in the process. Sure, her mother's illness should've been an understandable exception; it was still a perfect reminder of how she let one occurrence utterly control every other aspect of her life. She needed to learn how to balance everything now, before she made the same mistake again.

Of course, now everything was happening all at once. She'd gone back to work, she was reviving old friendships, old hobbies, and now Noah was a colossal distraction in the midst of all of it. She needed to get this right, so moving slow was her only option.

Even Nellie, who had disappeared on her for a few months, was back, and they had made a pact to get together at least once a week. She was determined to be able to not only handle but also enjoy even that small change in her life. Tonight was that night. They were getting together again for dinner.

Instead of going out, Nellie had made dinner for them. Rick was out of town on business, and they'd have the place to themselves. Since Veronica had hogged the conversation last week with her worries about Noah, she had every intention of letting Nellie do all the talking and spilling of her guts tonight.

It occurred to her halfway through dinner that maybe biting her tongue and holding back what she really wanted to say to her best friend was not such a good idea. Nellie always told her exactly what she thought. She never sugarcoated anything for fear of hurting Veronica's feelings, and that's how it should be. But this was different. Nellie was obviously hell bent on making her marriage work. How could Veronica tell her she hated Rick for doing what he'd done to her? That she'd never thought Rick deserved her even back when they first started dating? He'd always seemed a little too full of himself, as if deep inside, he knew quiet, unassuming Nellie should just understand that she was dating out of her league because he was a handsome, successful, and outgoing radio sportscaster, who obviously was never at a loss for words.

Nellie seemed to think it was funny and acted as if he was just being his witty self when Rick would openly flirt with Veronica and even Nellie's sister Courtney. To Veronica, it just felt creepy, but she didn't protest since Nellie seemed to be so okay with it.

By the time they'd finished dinner, Veronica had heard enough about how Rick was really making an effort to make the relationship work. He should be. He's the one that nearly screwed someone else, and Veronica couldn't understand how Nellie could just take his word that the one night he got caught was the only time he'd ever considered doing something like that. What an incredible coincidence, and Nellie had this "everything happens for reason" mentality about it. The night at the hospital when Nellie told her about how the whole thing had unfolded, Veronica had been so guilt ridden she hadn't given it much thought.

Since then, she'd had more time to think about it, and the more she did, the more she thought Nellie had just accepted Rick's excuses much too easily. She knew Nellie had always been in love with him to the point of obsession and that Veronica saying anything against Rick might not go over too well, but she couldn't help it. It was just a few months ago that this had all happened, and already he was away on a business trip that sounded a little too suspicious to Veronica.

Tonight's dinner had been more frustrating than enlightening, unlike their last dinner. Nellie walked Veronica out and they stood at the top of the stairway just outside the door of Nellie's town home. "Don't walk me down, Nellie. I'm fine." She turned to hug her friend. "I'll see you again next week?"

"For sure," Nellie squeezed her before pulling away. "Only we'll go out somewhere again. Rick will be home next week."

"Why is he in Tahoe again?"

"Celebrity golf championship."

Veronica nodded. "Is he broadcasting?"

"No," she said with that same smile she worn all through dinner when she spoke of all the progress he'd made these last few months. "It's just for pleasure. He goes every year."

"So, how come you didn't go with him?"

The smile lost some of its shine. "I have work."

"So you take a few days off. I mean, Nellie, aren't you the tiniest bit concerned about this?"

"Roni?" Just as Veronica suspected she would be, Nellie was put off by her questioning. "It's an annual trip he's been taking for years. And I have to trust him."

"Why?" Veronica didn't mean for it to come out so exasperated, but it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. The man had cheated on her just a few months ago.

"Because he's my husband, and at some point, I have to–"

"At some point, but it's only been a few months." Veronica knew she was pushing it now, but even when Nellie had told her about how Courtney caught Rick with that woman at the hotel, Nellie's version had been completely toned down compared to Courtney's. She hated to think her best friend was putting up with Rick's lies for the sake of losing this bastard who didn't even deserve her. "He has to understand that this year, things should be different. This year, maybe he should've taken you." Suddenly, all of the solo trips Rick had taken in the past and Nellie so happily stayed behind became suspect. "Nellie, how do you know this was the first and only time Rick has done this?"

Nellie stood up straight, and her puckered lips nearly twitched. Veronica knew she had done it now. "Because he said it was, and I believe him."

"But—"

"Veronica, I've made my decision to try and work this out with Rick. If you had any idea what I've been through these last few months, maybe then you'd understand why I have to at least try to incorporate some of the tools given to me in the counseling sessions and retreats we've taken. This is all part of regaining trust. I couldn't live with myself if I thought I had to be there next to him every breathing moment." She crossed her arms in front of her. "And for your information, he did ask me to come, even said I should look into catching a flight out there and meeting him."

Like a sudden flash, it hit Veronica. This wasn't the first time she'd heard this. Every time in the past when Veronica had asked Nellie about Rick's business trips, she'd unwittingly hit a nerve, and Nellie would somehow work it into the conversation that Rick had asked her to meet him on his trip, yet Nellie never had.

"Why don't you?" Nellie started back to her front door, and Veronica went after her. "Why, Nellie? Why haven't you ever gone and met him?"

Nellie stopped at the front door and glared at her, but there was more pain in her eyes than anger. "I told you. I have work."

"Always?" Veronica pushed, knowing she'd already pushed too far and hating Rick even more by the minute. How dare he do this to sweet Nellie? "Is it because you're afraid of who you'll find him with?"

Nellie walked in the door. The pained look in her flooded eyes killed Veronica. "You should leave."

"I'm sorry!" Veronica cried out. "Please don't be mad at me."

"Just go." Nellie closed the door just as the tears slid down her face.

Veronica leaned against the door and knocked softly. "Nellie, I'm sorry. Please talk to me." After minutes of no response, she knocked again as her own tears slid down her face. "Call me if you need anything, okay? I love you."

She wiped the tears away as she made her way slowly down the steps. Even this made her think of Noah. All this time she'd pegged him as undependable and not serious boyfriend material because of his age. Rick was almost thirty, had seemingly committed to marriage, yet he was turning out to be the biggest lying asshole she'd ever known. The guilt weighed even heavier now—this time for so unfairly lumping Noah in the same category as Rick based solely on his age.