Getting Her Life Back

Roni

The next morning, Veronica made it a point to be up earlier than the norm. Noah was usually up before her even now that she'd gone back to work, because of his early morning runs. But today, Veronica wanted to spend as little time with him as possible before she left.

She was just filling her commuter mug with coffee when he walked in the back door. He wore the usual dark gray hooded sweatshirt he wore every morning. He stopped quickly at the sight of her, taking his earpiece out of his ear and pulling his hood back. "Hey." His smile was so sincere her insides warmed. "You're up. How you feeling?"

She returned the smile, attempting to do what she'd decided after a long night of soul-searching and arguing with that little voice of reason, which so often won, but hadn't been winning lately. Noah was one of the best things that had happened to her. Her mother often spoke of people being brought into your life for a reason. He'd been there when she needed him most, but she'd confused things. The feelings she finally admitted to having for Noah had allowed her to ignore the impracticality of it all. Just because Noah said he loved her, didn't mean things would automatically work, even though she got the distinct feeling that Noah thought it did.

Veronica now knew better than ever that relationships were a struggle. Noah hadn't the faintest idea, and she shouldn't expect him to. As far as she knew, he'd never even been in a serious relationship, and for his age that was normal. Like her, he had other things he was obviously working on first.

She wasn't even mad anymore that he'd had Rita's body wrapped around him the day after he'd professed to love her. How long did she really think he'd wait around for her to make her grown-up decision? This young guy had the sex drive of a stallion—she'd been witness to it every single time she'd tortured him with her goodnight kisses—it was a living thing. She almost felt guilty now for having put him through what she had and then feeling upset because he was unable to repress it when someone else offered herself up to him so easily.

She was madder at herself for yet again not doing what she said she was going to work on. She kept talking about needing to get a life—feel independent—and yet she'd made little to no effort to do something about it. Instead, once again, there she lay last night, feeling completely lost and alone because even after going back to work, all she'd done so far was look forward to her workouts with Noah and spent every free moment she had with him.

So the decision she'd come to? Slow things the hell down with Noah, beginning with the goodnight kisses—and get her life back, damn it, starting today.

As quickly as she could, she filled Noah in on how she was feeling much better and how, but not why, she had to be at work earlier for the next few days, but that she'd be at the gym at the same time as always. Just as she walked by him to get to the back door, he took her hand in his. "I missed you last night. I know you weren't feeling well, and I understand why you went to bed early, but I wanted you to know anyway."

Even though he'd just gotten back from his run and his sweatshirt and hair were wet with perspiration, he smelled fresh, like the early morning residue of last night's rain showers. But he also smelled like Noah, that masculine scent that she could only describe as the enchanting fragrance of his hot skin with a hint of the deodorant that he kept in the bathroom, the deodorant she'd actually inhaled a few times, loving how it reminded her so much of him.

Unable to do what she knew she should and say something completely safe and neutral, she simply told him the truth. "I missed you too."

But she broke free from his hand and continued walking out the door. If she stood there for even another second, she knew what would happen next. He'd try to kiss her and she'd let him. Even with all her careful strategizing, her plan already felt doomed and day one hadn't even started. "I'll see you tonight," she said quickly as she walked out the door.

To her surprise, Nellie answered her phone when Roni tried calling her in the car. Since she was running early anyway, she pulled over and parked the moment she got a chance so she could concentrate on their conversation.

Nellie sounded a bit groggy, and Veronica felt a little bad about waking her, but she was so relieved to hear Nellie say she wasn't upset with her.

"I promise I'll keep my nose out of your and Rick's business from here on. It's just—"

"No, I need to hear the truth even if it hurts, Roni." She paused, but Veronica could tell she had more to say about that. "He's gone again on a business trip—said it was a last-minute change in his schedule, but I checked the bank statements. His room and his plane ticket were paid weeks ago." Veronica held her breath, silently cursing Rick and waited for Nellie to continue. "As usual, he said I should try and make it out for at least a day. The trip is during the week, and he thought I wouldn't take the time off work, but I did. I'm flying out to Denver tomorrow."

They spoke a few minutes longer with Nellie admitting that Veronica had hit it right on the nose. Nellie was afraid of what she might find if she ever surprised Rick, but she was done fooling herself. She had a very bad feeling about this, and Veronica couldn't blame her. Why else would the bastard lie about it being last minute?

After assuring her she was doing the right thing and making her promise to keep her updated, Veronica hung up and continued on to work. An enormous weight had been lifted, and she was suddenly feeling so much better and even more determined to get on with her plan.

By that afternoon, she had to force herself to stop obsessing about that picture of Noah and Rita. She wondered how long it would be before he put the text and her suddenly feeling sick together. Obviously he hadn't yet, because she was sure he would've mentioned it. She didn't even want to hear the explanation at this point. It didn't matter anymore. Noah was free to do what he wanted just like she was. If Rita was what he wanted, then so be it. The girl had temptation written all over her anyway.

As usual, Derek texted her near the end of her workday to ask if she wanted to get together for an early dinner after work, and as usual, she almost didn't reply. All this talk of getting her life back and needing more friends and she was doing it again. Although she knew for a fact now that she'd never survive doing the "just friends" thing with Noah, she was fairly certain she could with Derek. Of course, she'd have to make that very clear to him from the beginning.

What she wanted more than anything was to start rebuilding her circle of friends. She had Nellie back now, and Derek would make a good addition. He'd always been great at listening to her and helping her sort out any issues that were troubling her. She had no intentions of talking to him about Noah, her biggest issue at the moment. But she needed to start feeling less dependent on Noah. If what she anticipated would eventually happen, then she'd have no choice but to distance herself from Noah. It would be so much less devastating if she didn't feel so alone. At least, that's what she reasoned with herself.