The end?

CHAPTER 72

TRYING TO FORGET

“Am I looking good in my dress?” I asked while showing him my newly-bought dress.

He smiled widely, which makes me feel like I'm getting softer. It's funny to think that it's like he's so in love with me.

“Of course. You are always beautiful, my wife,” he said which made me even softer. I think I'm falling even more.

“Really,” I said while looking down at my dress. I can't help but smile so sweetly.

“You don't have to ask me if you are beautiful or not. You are always beautiful in my eyes.”

I am even more smiling because of what he said. He's so sweet and it makes me soft. I am being soft when it comes to him.

Maybe I just really love him.

“I am asking about my dress. I know I am beautiful,” I said, which made him chuckle.

I also chuckle a bit.

Later on, he came closer to me and it made my heart beat so fast. I'm feeling hot. I think my cheeks are getting red now.

He looked me directly in my eyes and I couldn't help but look at him the same way.

“You know what?”

I suddenly frown while trying to guess it.

“I'm so in love with you,” he said, which made me feel something strange. It just feels good but it's like a knife that stabbed my heart.

I didn't expect tears to fall suddenly and I don't know why. He said….he said he's so in love with me….but why does it hurt?

All of a sudden, I suddenly woke up from dreaming. I just now realized that everything was just a dream, only a dream, and will remain a dream.

I realized that I cried not just in dreams but in reality.

Why I dreamed of that. That dream seems real. I couldn't believe that kind of dream.

I let out a deep sigh before wiping my tear-soaked cheeks, and bitterly smiled before I got up.

There is one word that is stuck in my mind and that is 'Why'.

Why did it happen so fast? Why did I chose to cut the rope that connects the two of us? I know I will have a lot of trouble but why did I choose to end everything? Why didn't I give him another chance? Maybe this time...he will choose the right path. Maybe this time...he will love me purely.

Why did I let him go when I knew it would be so hard to forget and unlove him? Why did I choose to be alone when I knew that I needed him? I needed him the most, especially in this situation. We must overcome all trials together, especially now that we lost our baby.

But why? Why?!

Fuck. Why do I have to question myself? It's the right thing to do and it's the best for me. But why?

I felt it. I felt he loved me. I can't deny it. I felt it.

But why?

Why can't he love me purely? Why can't he forget her? I am his wife. He was married to me. Why can't he love me the way I love him?

It's so unfair! I am the one who is suffering. I am always suffering. I am so tired of everything. What's the meaning of my life now that I lost everything? I lost my marriage! I lost my child! I lost everything. I have nothing. What is the point of my life? I am alone now!

It would be better if I end everything. I want to rest. I want to be with my child if I can't be with him. I am so depressed. I don't know what else to do.

It seems that I prefer to go with the strong waves of the sea. It will be the same. I can't take it anymore. I don't know the meaning of life now that I have nothing. I have nothing to hold on to.

I want to rest. All I want is to rest. I am so tired of crying. I am so tired of drowning in my own tears. I am so tired of unbearable pain. I am so tired of everything.

I don't know what to do in my life. I want to rest forever.

Is this my destiny? Do I really deserve this? Did I do something wrong to experience all this?

Why me? There are many bad people in the world, why me? I am……

..tired.

Maybe this sea is too deep. There is something deeper than what I feel. It's funny to think that it's much deeper.

God, if I ever have a reincarnation, please….please don't make me feel this way again. I swear, it will repeat again. Please, forgive me if I want to rest now. You know how tired your child is. I can't take it anymore.

I know I can't swim, that's why I chose this way to end everything. I won't feel the pain anymore. It would be better to be with my baby than living alone.

I don't feel nervous. I am confident of doing this.

I am so tired.

"Forgive me," I finally said before I went down into the sea. I do not know. All I want is my peace. I will find my peace in heaven. It's better to end this way.

As I slowly sank, I did not close my eyes, and all the memories came back to my mind.

Little by little I was losing oxygen, until I didn't know what happened.

-END of her POINT OF VIEW-

While a young man was boating, he noticed Ariella going down into the sea. At first he wondered why she was descending into the deep until he saw that she had already sunk.

He immediately approached because he was quite far away when he saw Ariella, so he quickly started the marine motor but it was too late. She was submerged in the water before he could even get close, so he didn't hesitate to jump into the sea.

He dived into the sea until he found Ariella. He immediately went up with her.

He carried Ariella and laid her down on the sand. He checked the pulse, even her heart, if she's still alive.

"She's still breathing," he said but suddenly he remembered something. She seemed familiar to him until he remembered that she was the woman at the bar. But he quickly dismissed that thought because he had to save her. He did not hesitate to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. "Come on, wake up," he said while doing so.

He did that for several minutes, he didn't stop until she suddenly threw up. She vomited the water she drank.

Coughing…

He managed to save her life.

"Are you feeling well?" he asked.

She still coughed.

"Why... why did you do that?" she asked. She thought she was really going to die but she was wrong.

He got confused. He did not know if she was referring to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

"What?" he asked.

"Why...why-" she coughed again. "Why did you save me?!" she looked at her angrily, which he didn't expect.

"What? Why are you mad at me? I-i...I save your life. You should be grateful.”

She got irritated mixed with sadness. She stood up.

“I wish you would just let me drown until I die! Why did you save me!? You have no idea about my life! Why did you save me?! I want to die! I want to rest! Why did you save me?!” she cried.

He didn't say anything, but he felt pity for Ariella. He didn't even expect this. He just did the right thing.

"I want to die. Why did you save me?”

“I'm….I'm sorry. I just helped you.”

"I don't need your help! I don't need your help! I really want to rest now! I'm so tired. You don't know how tired I am. Why did you save me?!”

He couldn't even speak. He doesn't know how to explain a simple thing to her. Obviously, he just helped her.

She walked away, so he followed her.

“Wait! Miss! Wait! Where are you going?!”

"You don't care! Stop following me!”

He ran over to stop Ariella.

She stopped when he grabbed her hand.

"What the f*ck!" she shouted angrily at him.

“Miss, whatever your problem is, I know you can overcome it. Suicide is not the solution to your problems. Please, don't end your life."