EMMA DAMIAN 23

E M M A

I rolled over with my hands clenched over my tummy, using what little strength I had. A new wave of nausea washed over me, and I closed my eyes to ride it out before it turned into full-fledged puke.

I took out my phone and looked at the time — it was almost eleven o'clock. I flopped onto my side and let out a frustrated moan, irritated that this dumb nausea was taking up my valuable work hours. I figured the first time I became sick in years would be when the most important job of my life was only a few days away.

My phone rang, and it was a text from Hannah informing me that she was just a few minutes away. I needed to get up. If I felt nauseous, so be it. If I had to, I'd work through it.

I didn't have time for a shower, so I hastily changed, pulled on some respectable clothing, cleaned my teeth, and tossed my hair up in a sloppy bun. After that came coffee, and Hannah knocked on the door just as the pot was completed brewing.

"You look like garbage," she said as soon as I opened my mouth.

"Nice to see you as well."

Hannah smirked at me as I stepped aside to let her in.

"You know, most managers probably don't enjoy it when their staff talk to them like that."

"That's correct, but you're not like other bosses. And don't tell me you want me to lie to you about things like this."

The coffee maker gurgled, and I closed my eyes as I battled another round of nausea. "I can't handle it," I admitted. "I've got enough to worry about without adding some dumb illness to the mix."

"Are you still certain that this is nothing more than a virus or something?" Have you even considered—"

"Not at all, and I'm not going to."

She burst out laughing. "Ah, so you're going with the if I don't find out, it's not real angle?" That's a daring action."

"I can't bear thinking about it."

"Speaking of thinking about it, have you discussed it with your hot doctor pal?"

”

In perplexity, I cocked my head to the side. "What about?" ”

"What about the possibility that you're carrying his child?"

”

"There's no way — not a chance." He's still finished in my opinion."

"However, what if—"

"He's done," I said flatly, and there was no dispute.

She moved over to the coffeemaker after looking over my shoulder.

"There is one nice thing," I said.

Clanging was heard, followed by the faucet being turned on. "What is it?" ”

"Whenever I throw up, I think about him." I'm hoping it turns out like one of Pablo's dogs, where I begin to link him with being unwell."

“That’s certainly one way to handle it.”

“No cream in my coffee,” I said. “I still can’t even think about milk without wanting to void the contents of my stomach.”

“Sure, sure.”

I grabbed my laptop and heaved it onto my legs, the process seeming to take twice as much effort as it needed. I opened it and went to my inbox, my eyes glazing as I read through the responses from the various clients I’d contacted to handle the various odds and ends of the charity event.

I could barely focus. The nausea came and went in waves, and all I could do was wince and power through it. Hannah was busy in the kitchen, and I couldn’t even muster the energy to glance over and see what was taking her so long. Eventually, she set a hot mug in front of me of something that most definitely was not coffee.

“What is this?” I leaned forward, setting my computer aside, sniffing the herbal smell coming from the mug.

“It’s tea,” she announced, dropping into the seat near me, her own mug of coffee in her hands.

“Why did you make me tea? I brewed a whole pot of coffee.”

“Well, I was doing a little research online and found out that if you’re pregnant, it’s not a good idea to drink coffee – something about all the caffeine,” she said, waving a hand. “I mean, it said that one cup here and there is fine, but that’s at the most. So, I figured it’d be a good idea to switch to tea. And I saw you have some rooibos in there, which the websites I looked at said was perfect.”

The nausea faded for a moment, replaced by frustrated anger. “Are you serious?” I asked, annoyance in my voice. “Hannah, I’ve got a million things on my mind, I feel sick, and all I’ve been looking forward to since I got up is some damn coffee. And not even because of the taste – I just want to throw it back so I can focus on the biggest client of my career. The last thing I want to deal with right now is drinking fucking tea!”

My words came out sharp, and stern enough that Hannah’s eyes widened as she stared at me after my outburst. Tense silence hung in the air. I realized that I’d overstepped my bounds, gone too far.

“I just thought…” She trailed off, her voice soft.

I’d screwed up. I sighed, frustrated with myself. “Sorry. That was rude of me. It’s just…I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed right now, and the idea of being pregnant from some guy I don’t ever want to see again is enough to make me want to scream.”

“You might not be pregnant,” she said. “Aren’t you on birth control?”

“Technically, yes. But when you’re busy with work and your love life is practically non-existent, you get a little…lax when it comes to taking the pill.”

“Oh boy,” she replied. “I mean, I don’t want you to worry about it. I was thinking that it doesn’t hurt to be on the safe side, right?”

There was nothing I could say to that. I reached over and gave Hannah’s knee a squeeze. “I’m sorry. That was really nice of you, and I snapped.”

“No worries!” Her voice was chipper and cheerful, as if nothing in the slightest was wrong. “But try the tea. It’s supposed to be good for stress, too.”

Taking the mug into my hands, I sipped. It was mellow and herbal and pretty darn good. “Love it.”

Another smile from Hannah.

“Now, let’s get this thing knocked out of the park.”

Before I knew it, Christmas had come. Light flurries of snow fell from the slate gray sky above, the wind kicking them up into lazy swirls. I was dressed in a thick, gray Donegal sweater and comfy joggers, a pair of slippers on my feet. And throughout my morning of work, I was never without a mug of rooibos tea within reach.

Part of me considered taking the day off, relaxing with some TV, maybe even getting some reading done. But I had too much on my mind, and too much to take care of for the charity event getting closer with each passing day. And it sure as hell didn’t help matters that Damian came to mind whenever I went over planning for the casino stuff.

Truth be told, it bummed me out a little that I didn’t have family to spend the day with. Dad was still in prison, and as far as I knew he wasn’t interested in talking to me. And Mom…no doubt she was off with this month’s new boyfriend.

I sighed and went back to work, doing my best to put it out of my head that it was even a holiday. However, as if thinking of her had affected the nature of reality, a call from Mom lit up my phone. I watched the phone buzz on the table, shifting position with each ring. Part of me wanted to ignore her, but God, it was the holidays.

“Hey, Mom!” I did my best to sound happy to hear from her.

“Hey there, kid!” she trilled. A foghorn blasted in the background. I could hear all kinds of commotion, noses that sounded like a party happening.

I was already exhausted, and the conversation hadn’t even begun. A long pause followed, a sign that neither Mom nor I really knew how to talk to each other. I hadn’t seen her in years, and she never seemed to be all that interested in coming to visit me. I was used to it. Normal parental relationships weren’t exactly a part of who I was.

“So…it’s Christmas!”

“Sure is.” I wrapped my hand around my tea mug, curling up in my chair and looking out the window. The clouds seemed to have darkened over the last few minutes – a hard snow seemed ready to fall any moment.

“Wouldn’t really know it where I am,” she said. “It’s eighty degrees and sunny as hell!”

Mom had always been full of energy, a real life-of-the-party kind of woman. With me, it was different. She always seemed distant, like I was nothing more than an imposition on her otherwise carefree life.

“That’s great. Glad to hear it.”

My words were empty. Sometimes I wondered why Mom and I even bothered to pretend we had any kind of normal relationship. Maybe it’d be easier for her just to cut ties with me so she could spend her life jet skiing and swimming with the dolphins or whatever she really wanted out of life. Because it sure as hell wasn’t a relationship with her only child.

“What about you?” she asked. “Got some big plans for today?”

“Not really. Just working. Maybe drinks with a friend later.” That wasn’t entirely the truth, but I’d spent enough effort trying to keep Mom in the loop to know she didn’t care all that much.

“That’s too bad! Young girl like you should be having fun, even if you’re single. Hey, you want my advice? Go hit up a bar tonight. Christmas is one of the best bar days! There’s always tons of people like you who don’t have family or boyfriends or whatever.”

Her saying that only brought to mind the little fact that I couldn’t drink. If I actually were pregnant.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You should! And what else is going on with you? I swear, it always feels like more and more time passes between when we finally get on the phone.”

Part of me wanted to say nothing was going on, to do whatever I needed to end the conversation as fast as possible. But another part of me wanted to give it a shot, to see if maybe, just maybe, she and I could bond over the crazy stuff happening with me.

“It’s…hard to explain,” I began. “I’ve got this insanely important event coming up, one that might make or break my career. And on top of that, this guy came back into my life who I never thought I’d see again. You remember Damian from high school?” She hummed an affirmative noise. “Well, he’s Dr. Aquino now and he’s all kinds of into me despite breaking my heart into a million pieces a million years ago. And I want to scream at him every time I see him, to tell him how much it fucking hurt, what he did to me. Then…I don’t know, I’ve been feeling weird and my assistant Hannah thinks I might be pregnant. I just feel lost, like I’ve got no idea what to do with myself.”

The confession exhausted me. It was strange to talk to Mom, to be honest with her. I had no idea how she would respond, what she might say to me after such an emotional outburst.

She laughed. She really laughed.

Irked, I asked, “What’s so damn funny?”

A deep voice spoke in the background on Mom’s end. “Get your gorgeous ass off the phone and back into the water, baby.”

Mom let out another shriek of a laugh. “Get your hands off me, bud!”

“You know you love it.”

“That’s not the point.” She laughed again, followed by a sigh. “Sorry, kid. That was Rick, an insanely handsome scuba instructor I, ahem, met the other day. He’s actually around your age – maybe I’ll send him your way when I’m all done with him.” She laughed again.

“Mom, what do you think about what I just said?”

“Could you say it again? As soon as you started talking, Rick decided that was the right time to reapply the sunscreen.”

I sighed. She hadn’t heard a single word. “It’s nothing. Just venting about work.”

“Well, whatever it is I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’re a sharp one – always have been. By the way, you talk to your dad recently?”

“Not a word.”

“Good. Stupid asshole. You know, you’re the only good thing that came out of that mess.”

“Thanks.”

Mom let out another shriek. “Rick! I swear, if you don’t stop…Anyway, I’ll let you go. Don’t forget to get out there and have some fun, alright? You never were good at cutting loose, even when you were a kid. It’ll do you some good!”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

“You should! Alright, time to get back in the water. Talk to you later, kiddo! Love you lots!”

Before I could even say goodbye, the line went dead. I tossed the phone onto the table, frustrated. But I wasn’t frustrated with Mom. I was frustrated with myself for thinking she’d be any different.

A knock sounded at the door. I scrunched my face, not sure who it could’ve been. Hannah told me she wanted to come by to drop off a present, but she was always good about texting when she was a few minutes away.

I got up and hurried over to the door, peeking through the peephole and saw a man on the other side carrying a big bouquet of flowers, along with a package.

Frowning, I opened the door and greeted him with a forced smile. He wished me a Merry Christmas before handing me the package and flowers. I signed and he was gone, leaving me alone in the hall with presents I hadn’t been expecting.

Hurriedly, I stepped to the worktable and set everything out. I placed the roses into an empty water glass, holding them in place for a moment to make sure they didn’t topple. Then I opened the package. Inside was a box of chocolates along with a card.

The candy and flowers were nice, but more than anything I wanted to know who the hell had sent me this stuff. My hands shaking with excitement, I opened the card.

Hey.

I know things are a little strange between us. They always have been, really. And I know you made it clear you wanted me out of your life. I’m planning on respecting that. But I couldn’t bear the idea of our last meeting being the final words I shared with someone who means so much to me.

So take care, Emma. You’re an amazing woman, and the world’s waiting for you to conquer it. And no matter what, I’ll never stop cheering you on.

Yours always,

Damian.

I sniffed, quickly wiping the tears from my eyes. “Damian,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re…you’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

“Whoa!”

I turned, nearly jumping out of my skin at the sight of Hannah. Her eyes were wide as she looked over my gift. A small bag stuffed with red tissue paper was under her arm.

“I’m guessing those are from your not-so-secret admirer.”

“How’d you guess?”

“Because I heard you say his name.” She grinned, stepping over and throwing her arms around me. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas!”

We hugged tight and then let go, Hannah taking a step back and looking over the flowers and chocolate. “He didn’t hold back with all this stuff.”

“Nope. Holding back isn’t his style. When Damian wants you, you know it.”

She opened the box of chocolates, unwrapped one, and popped it in her mouth.

“No, wait!” I said, shooting my arms out.

“Wait for what? You going to send it back?”

“It’s just…Yeah, go ahead.”

She handed me the box and I took one of the chocolates. I still felt a little queasy, but chocolate was chocolate.

Hannah handed me the gift she’d brought. “A little something.”

“And I’ve got something for you, too.” I looked around, trying to remember where I’d put her gift. Before I could even take a step, Hannah reached into her purse and pulled out a small, wrapped box, a tiny red bow on the front. “What’s that?”

“A present before the present. Something you need.” She wiggled it at me. “Open it.”

“Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to like this?”

“Because you’re not. But it’s necessary.”

Flicking my eyes skeptically at Hannah, I ripped open the packaging. When I saw the picture of a small display, two pink lines running through it, I knew exactly what it was.

“Come on,” I said disbelievingly. “Did you really get me a pregnancy test?”

“I told you, it’s not the main gift. But E, you need to find out one way or another.”

Shaking my head, I took the rest of the wrapping off the box.

“It’s one of those fancy ones, too – the electronic kind. At first I was like, won’t peeing on it fry the circuits or something? But nope. I asked and everything. Plus, you don’t even have to wait. It only takes thirty seconds.”

Just holding the thing, knowing that within a couple of minutes my life could change forever…it was incredibly overwhelming. “I can’t.” I tossed the box onto the table.

“Yes, you can.” Hannah picked it up and pressed it into my hands. “I know this is a huge effing deal, but you need to find out one way or another. And hey, look at it like this – if it’s good news, we can celebrate with chocolate. If it’s bad news, we can cope with chocolate. Either way, we’re eating good.”

She popped another piece of candy into her mouth. “Now get in there!” she said, her words muffled with chocolate as she waved her hands toward the bathroom.

“Fine, fine.” I sighed and snatched the box off the table. I turned and stared in the direction of the bathroom as if I were walking to door of a class where I had to take the most important exam that I was least prepared for.

“And hurry up – you don’t get back here soon and I might eat all this.” She grinned, chocolate on her teeth.

Nothing to do but do it. I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. The directions were straight-forward – pee on the stick and wait thirty seconds. Couldn’t be easier. So I peed on the stick. Then I waited the longest thirty seconds of my life, my eyes locked on the digital screen.

Thirty seconds passed. Two bars.

I was pregnant.

I stepped out of the bathroom in a daze. Hannah read my expression. Without a word, she shoved the box of chocolate in my face.

“Help yourself,” she said with another chocolatey grin. “Because you’re eating for two.