EMMA DAMIAN 31

E M M A

I did everything I could to appear normal.

There was no Damian, and no heartbreak. Aside from my baby book reading breaks, I was doing my best not to think about the baby - but this was more for fear of getting too happy.

It was the day before my appointment, which meant the day before the big New Year's Eve celebration. Hannah and I were at my apartment, her drinking coffee and me drinking tea after another fourteen-hour day.

"OK," Hannah responded, taking her gaze away from her computer. "We've got the caterer in place, and we've got the bartenders figured out. What else is there to say? ’

I raised my head, running my hand over my hair. "I still need to speak with the event hall and make sure they've contacted the casino staff." We've taken care of them individually, but I don't want to show there on New Year's Eve and discover that we've broken some archaic fire code or anything."

"Nice call. You look after them, and I'll finish reviewing the menu with Chef Joseph. I spoke with him this morning, and he mentioned that he was working on some sort of deconstructed finger foods thing."

"Well, when you speak with him, make sure he's preparing something that isn't so deconstructed that no one understands what it is." Tell him to make it simple, enjoyable, and tasty — that's what he's good at."

Hannah jotted down my suggestions before dropping the pen on the table and picking up her mug.

"God, you're already out. Do you want more tea? ”

"I think I'm all right. If I drink any more fluids, I'll be spending more time going to the restroom than working."

She looked at her phone to see what time it was. "It's almost dinnertime, too. What does Chinese sound like? ”

“Perfect.”

I looked over Hannah's shoulder at the mountains in the distance as she stood up with a smile and a nod. It was about five o'clock, which meant the sun had almost completely set for the night. Winter nights like these, when it was pitch black with just a few hours remaining in the day, made me pleased I had employment to keep me occupied. The last thing I needed was more free time to ponder about Damian.

"What's the deal with you and ol' baby daddy? ”

“What? " I was taken aback, as if she'd read my mind and asked the question.

You've been thinking about him all the time. If she asked, it was probably because you were thinking about him at the moment.

Hannah gave me a perplexed look, evidently puzzled by my jitteriness.

"Are you all right over there?"

”

“Fine. And Damian and I are on good terms. Fine. Everything is fine."

"I believe there's a rule that the more times a person defines a situation as 'fine,' the less 'fine' it actually is." She excitedly topped up her coffee and returned to the table.

"Can you tell me what happened between you two?

" Her face was filled with an eagerness to hear the latest gossip.

"Do we not have work to do?" That's a rhetorical question, I know - I know we have work to do."

She shook her hand in the air. "E, we've been working since nine o'clock in the morning. "I believe we're allowed to take a break now and again."

My gut churned.

"And there's your body telling you it's time to feed the kid you have growing inside you. Come on, I'll order the dinner while you explain what occurred. Because I'm aware that something occurred."

I sighed, knowing she'd pull it out of me eventually. It was strange that she hadn't asked about Damian for so long.

"You want beef lo mien, I want General's, and four egg rolls?"

I gave her a thumbs-up. Once the order was placed on the laptop, Hannah closed the computer shut with both hands and leaned forward.

“Now, let’s hear it.”

I told her the story, told her how Damian had shown up at my place, how he’d barged his way in – not only into my apartment, but into my bed.

Hannah hung on every word, of course, alternating between shock and excitement and sadness depending on where I was in the story. It took a while to get all the details out, the Chinese food arriving near the end of it all.

“And then what?” she asked when I reached the point where I told him to get the hell out of my life forever.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, did you call him later? Or did he come back?” She shoveled another piece of dark red General’s chicken into her mouth, her eyes on me as she chewed and waited for a response.

I was confused. “What are you talking about? I told him to fuck off, and that was that.”

Now she was the one who was confused. “Wait, let me get this straight – you told the father of your baby to fuck off without letting him know that you were pregnant with his kid?”

“Of course, I did! Why the hell would I want someone in my life who’d treat me like that?”

She set down her chopsticks, closing her eyes and shaking her head as if she wanted to make sure she’d heard me right.

“But that’s not all. First you had sex with him?”

“I wanted to make him feel like he’d made me feel so many times. And, well, because he’s really good in bed. That didn’t hurt matters.”

Hannah’s mouth opened wide.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

I was right back to being the one who was confused.

“Wait, you’re telling me I made the wrong call? Oh! I didn’t tell you the best part – I had the copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting just lying out. He almost saw it. That would’ve sucked.”

“I wish he would’ve seen it!”

I sat speechless for a long moment.

“You’re being serious?”

“Of course, I’m being serious! G, are you crazy?”

I was shocked. The whole time I’d spent telling the story I was sure that it’d result in total approval from Hannah, maybe even some laughs. I was not expecting this.

“What did I do wrong? Are you telling me I should’ve given him another chance?”

She glanced down and away, as if she wanted to take her time and really think of the right thing to say.

“I don’t know. I can’t tell you exactly what you should’ve done. I’m not you, I’m not Damian – I only know what you’ve told me. But shit – this is the father of your kid!”

I was taken aback. But I wasn’t ready to give in that easily.

“He’s the father of my kid, sure, but he’s also a fucking prick. I don’t need him in my life – I can do all of this on my own.”

“That’s not the issue. I’ve got no doubt you could do this on your own. If Damian were some asshole whole left you for another woman, or if he were a deadbeat dad, or if God forbid something had happened to him, then sure, I’d be right there at your side, ready to watch you be the most kick-ass single mom of all time.”

“But…”

“But that’s not the case. Listen, I know things are weird and tense between you guys. But you’re pregnant. That means you’ve got a brand-new person inside of you who’s going to need all the love he or she can get when she comes into this world.”

“And he or she’s going to get it – from me.”

She shook her head again, as if I just weren’t getting it.

“But Damian can love him or her too. And you’re not even giving him a chance. The thing about a baby is that it’s not about you anymore – it’s about them. I know you’re not married or anything, and maybe you never will be. But you’ve still got to at least let him try to be a good dad.”

“N-no, I don’t. I’ve given him plenty of shots to be a good guy, and he’s blown them all. He’s done and that’s that.”

“But –”

“And that’s that.” I cleared my throat and turned my attention back to the food. “Now, let’s eat and get back to work.”

My voice was sharp. She got the message.

Dr. Perez was a tiny, trim woman of around forty, with a friendly, open face and bubbly, energetic personality. And she wore a big smile on her face as she shared the news of the blood work.

“You’re pregnant,” she said. “It’s as official as it gets.”

With that final confirmation, I found myself beyond excited. “How are you feeling?” she asked, showing a bit of concern at my stunned silence.

“I’m feeling…good. Honestly, I had no idea it would feel this amazing to be a mom.”

She smiled. “That’s the kind of reaction we want. And you’ve got no reason to not feel good at this point. Bloodwork came back looking great, your vitals are excellent, you’re in top-notch health, and-“

“The father’s not in the picture,” I blurted out the words, cutting her off.

She tilted her head.

“That’s something you guys want to know, right? He’s not around. I’m going to be doing this on my own.”

Dr. Perez nodded in something like understanding. “Sure, it’s all important information. But are you mentioning it because you think you’ll be needing some assistance? There’re plenty of social services I can steer you toward.”

I shook my head. “No, not that. Just that…”

I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. Sierra nodded slowly, as if understanding something.

“I get it – it’s a tough situation. Even if you feel like you’re ready for it. But I’ve seen a lot of moms come and go here and let me tell you that you’ve got nothing to worry about. Best thing you can do is take things one day at a time. You’ve got this.”

Her words eased my anxiety. “Thank you.”

Another smile. “Of course!”

We went over more details, Dr. Perez laying out the finer points on diet and exercise and all the rest while pregnant. When we were done, she led me out to the reception desk.

“We’ll get you set up for another appointment in a month. But don’t hesitate for a second if you’ve got any question about anything – just call and ask for me. And congratulations!”

I thanked her again, the doctor leaving me with one last warm smile.

She was right about this all being strange. But I felt better. Slowly but surely, I was beginning to wrap my head around the idea of being a mom – and a single one at that.

“Hi!” I said, approaching the receptionist’s desk. “I want to make an appointment for a prenatal visit – can we do something in the late afternoon. That’s usually a better time for-“

When I looked up and saw a very familiar face, I stopped short, my eyes wide.

Carlos.

He was in the hallway I’d just come from, the window behind the reception desk giving us a full view of one another.

And there was no doubt he’d heard me.

“Late afternoon?” the receptionist asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

Carlos turned his attention back to whoever he was talking to. I felt out of my own body as I made the appointment. When I was done, card in my hand, he came around and into the waiting area.

“Emma!” he said, all smiles and congeniality.

Fuck. Fucking fuck. He knew. He had to know.

“It’s not his!”

He scrunched up his face. “Sorry?”

“I’m making a prenatal visit.”

“Right. I wanted to come over and say hi – and congratulations.”

I put all my mental energy into staying chill and calm, trying to ignore the little fact that Carlos finding out would mean Zea finding out and from then…

“Thanks,” I said. “It was unexpected, but I’m happy all the same.”

“Well, Dr. Perez is one of the best OBGYNs in the state. I was actually here trying one more time to offer her and her staff a position at Pitt Medical. But she’s all about the private practice life. Either way, you’re in great hands.”

But there was something else I had to say. Then again, maybe the damage had already been done.

“Don’t tell him.”

“Him?”

There was no way a guy as sharp as Carlos hadn’t realized what was really going on.

“I’m no good at lying. Just don’t tell Damian – please.”

“I’m just heading out. Want to walk out with me?”

“Sure.”

We left the office in silence, and moments later were in the elevator.

“Things are weird between us right now,” I said, picking up the conversation where we’d left off. “But I’m not telling him anything.”

Carlos nodded thoughtfully. “Listen, you’re the mother-to-be – whatever you want to do is your call. Not here to pass judgement or tell you what you need to do.”

“And I’m not expecting you to keep this from Zea.”

“I appreciate that. But don’t worry about any of that. If I can offer some medical advice, all you need to be focusing on is you and the baby. Stay calm and low-stress.”

“That’s what Dr. Perez said.”

He smiled. “Like I told you, you’re in good hands here.”

The doors opened and we made our way outside. The air was cold, the sky gray, a few flurries dancing here and there on the wind. A brief pause hung between us as we both tried to figure out what to say.

“Congratulations,” he repeated. “You’re not going to remember what life was like before him – or her.”

“Thanks. And I mean it, Carlos.”

With one more smile he was gone.

I didn’t even get halfway home before the text from Zea arrived, asking if we could meet.

An hour later we were at Rockies Roasters, one of the local coffee shops in town. It was between rushes, so no one but the two of us were there.

“What the hell is going on?” she asked as soon as we were seated in the far back corner, Fleetwood Mac playing on the stereo. “I talked to Carlos and-“

“I’m pregnant and it’s Damian’s kid.”

She sat up in her chair, regarding me with a searching expression that seemed to say, “how the hell did you get into this mess?”

“Congratulations,” she said. “I mean that.” She smiled, letting me know it wasn’t all serious. “Oh my God, you’re going to be a mom!”

Her warmth infected me, and I smiled back in spite of all that was going on.

“Thanks. I can’t wait – really.”

“Well, we’re going to have plenty of time to talk about all of this. And you know Carlos and I are there for you every step of the way.”

“I know you are. And I appreciate it like crazy.”

“But right now, we need to figure out this whole thing with Damian.”

“What’s to figure out?” I said the words with breezy confidence, as if it were the simplest matter in the world.

“’What’s to figure out?’ You’re not telling the father of your child that he’s going to be a dad!”

It was shaping up to be a repeat of the conversation with Hannah. Slowly but surely, it was dawning on me that I wasn’t going to be able to get out of this without telling Damian.

And the idea was overwhelming, enough so that tears formed in my eyes and trickled down my cheeks.

“I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “After what he did to me, after what he put me through. Not just now, but in high school.”

Zea regarded me with a strange expression.

“What?” I asked.

“You don’t know about high school? About Marian?”

“What’s to know?”

“Shit. Listen, it’s not my place to tell you this, but Carlos told me and…”

“And what?”

“It was a lie.”

“What? What was a lie?”

“Marian. Everything that happened with her.”

“You mean they didn’t really get married?”

“No, they got married. But the reason they got married was a lie. She was never pregnant.”

It was as if she’d started speaking in Chinese. I had no idea how to even begin processing it

“Wait, what?” I said dumbly.

Zea drummed her fingers on the table, trying to figure out where to begin.

“Marian’s a freaking psycho, but you know that. Back when you two were dating, she was insane with jealousy. She wanted Damian and didn’t care what she had to do to get him. But you were in the way.”

She shook her head.

“Damian was crazy about you. He loved you so damn much. And Marian knew this. So, she faked being pregnant, said it was from when she and Damian had been together before you two had started dating. And Damian, being the good dude he is, didn’t question it. He stepped up to the plate and married her, like he knew he ought to.”

I had no idea what to say, no idea where to even begin.

“But…why didn’t he tell me?”

“He started asking questions. The timeline didn’t make sense. Then he found out she was lying. I guess she’d been hoping she’d get pregnant for real and he wouldn’t figure out, but deep down she knew Damian was too smart for that. And that’s when she pulled out her ace in the hole – your dad.”

“My dad?”

She nodded her head. “I don’t know how she found out, but Marian heard about what your dad did. And when Damian threatened to expose her lies, she said that unless the whole city wanted to hear about Emma and her murdering father, he’d better shut the fuck up and go along with it. He did it for you.”

I was stunned. Totally and completely stunned.

“He did it…for me?”

“He did it for you. I don’t know what happened in that marriage, but I know he wasn’t happy. He suffered so you wouldn’t.”

More silence on my end.

“I have to talk to him.”

She smiled softly, as if it’d said the exact words she wanted to hear.

“Yes, you do. But here’s the thing – he’s gone.”

“He’s what?”

“He left town a few days ago, went to Batangas.”

“Batangas? What’s he doing there?”

“No clue.”

“He didn’t move for good, did he?”

“No – he told Carlos a couple of weeks. He said that he was going ‘off the grid’ for a while. Meaning no cell phone. You’re going to have to wait for him to get back. But that’ll give you time to mentally prepare.”

“I don’t know what to say about any of this.”

“Don’t say anything. Take the time to think about. And don’t forget you’ve got something more important to worry about.”

She glanced down at my belly, a big smile breaking out across her face as she got up to run over and hug me.

“Congrats! I know you’re going to be an amazing mom.”

I hugged her back, feeling so lucky I had friends like her.

But it wasn’t over yet. I’d be seeing Damian again soon.

I had to be ready.