Chapter 4

Cynthia

Saturday 7.12am

I wake, groggy, and swimming in guilt so thick, I’m sure I must be drowning in it.

I groan as I check the time, and see the sunlight coming through the undressed window.

But while I’m feeling terrible, Becker looks far too pleased with himself as he lies on his back, arms behind his head as he grins. “Want pancakes?”

I place my head in my hands. “I don’t deserve pancakes.”

He pulls my hands away from my face. “Because you think what we did was wrong?”

I can’t even begin to answer that. “It’s complicated.”

He shakes his head. “If you’re set on feeling guilty for having hot sex, I’m not going to join you. But if you feel guilty for enjoying yourself, nothing I can say will make you feel any better.”

I’m not about to get into an argument with him, so I reach for my dress. “You didn’t grow up in the church. You had a mom who was open and honest about sex. It’s harder for people like me. We have to fight not to feel guilty when we mess up.”

I manage to shrug my dress over my head before he climbs out of bed, buck naked with a hard-on and completely unashamed. “So, last night was just another mistake you’ve made?”

I don’t have time to deal with him, and I can’t think straight with him if he’s going to be naked.

It’s a reminder of why I wound up in this mess in the first place. “Would you please get dressed and cover that,” I say.

When I spy my boots on the floor, I move to grab them, but he blocks my path. “You didn’t have a problem with me being naked last night.”

I frown at him. “Don’t make this harder than it is,” I say.

His lip curls as a wicked smile flickers at his lips as he looks down at his cock. “You didn’t have a problem with me making it harder last night either,” he says.

I groan and back up so I can climb over the bed rather than keep staring at his gorgeous body.

To avoid looking at him, I yank on my boots and zip them up. “This never happened. I didn’t come to this class and I didn’t spend the night with you.”

I get to my feet so rapidly my blood pressure drops, and I groan as I wait for it to equalize again. “I’m not going to blow your cover, Cynthia,” he says.

I can’t answer that, so I just hurry out of his room, looking for my jacket and purse.

I make it as far as the sofa when he grabs me and kisses me with so much tongue, I whimper in his mouth and I can feel my body responding to him.

I grab the back of his neck so I can tear his mouth from mine. “You’re a complete bastard,” I whisper.

“Tell me something I don’t know, darlin,” he says as he slides his hand up my dress.

I drop my purse and crush my mouth against his as his fingers find their way inside me.

I groan as he fingers my clit until all I can think about is how good his tongue felt on me last night.

Sex with Aaron was good, sometimes, but it was never this good, and it was never dirty even when I wanted it to be.

Aaron might have called himself a lapsed Christian, but in most ways, in the ways it counts, he was just as conservative as I thought I was.

Until last night, I thought all orgasms were created equal, but as Becker kisses me, I’m beginning to see even his kisses outrank any previous kisses I’ve had.

When he tugs me toward the balcony. “What are you doing?”

He grins. “You’ll see.”

I let him pull me through the open doors onto the deck. Since I never got a chance to see his view, I look at the other warehouses turned into apartments as he stands behind me.

He slides his hands over my ass and tugs at the hem of my skirt as I peer at his closest neighbor.

A neighbor who’ll have a full view of us. As his fingers creep towards my pussy, I grab his wrist. “Cut it out,” I say.

He just presses his back, and what I know is his hard cock into me as his other hand slides inside the top of my dress. “Relax. No one can see us. My neighbors’ are all asleep.”

His hand slides up my thigh and he pulls up my dress and his fingers are caressing my bush.

I keep my eyes ahead just in case I see movement across the street as he starts to rub my clit from behind.

He shifts back and pushes my back gently and slides the dress up to my hips so my bare ass is sticking out. “Fucking gorgeous,” he murmurs.

As his fingers probe deeper, I lean over the railing and let him stimulate me until I’m gripping the railing and I’m starting to climax.

I open my mouth, and whimper as a rush of pleasure shudders through me.

Becker spins me around and crushes his mouth to mine, his tongue seeking mine as he grabs me around the waist.

He lifts me up, and carries me inside, kissing me roughly as he places me down on his worn leather couch.

With a final kiss, he drops to his knees and presses kisses to my thighs, making me writhe in anticipation as he moves into position.

I lean my head back as he grips me around the thighs and pulls me closer to his mouth.

I moan as his tongue makes contact with my clitoris as he French kisses my pussy.

Ripples of delicious pleasure travel through me, making me forget why I wanted to leave in the first place.

I moan as his tongue explores the deepest part of me until I’m grabbing his head and holding him in place. “I have to go home,” I whisper.

He doesn’t stop licking me, just grips me a little tighter. I stare down at him and smile at how much he’s enjoying eating me out.

I thought I’d had good oral sex before with Aaron, but Becker seems to know instinctively when to speed up, and when to apply just the right amount of pressure.

When he does look at me, there’s something in the way he holds my gaze that lets me know he has no intention of letting me leave.

I should stop this, I should push him away, but before I can reason why this is wrong, a wave of pleasure sweeps through me, carrying away with it all sense of wrongness.

I erupt into his mouth, screaming in pleasure and simultaneously issuing commands for him to fuck me and begging him to keep going.

He does neither, he reaches forward and unties my dress as he kisses me again.

My nipples pucker as he starts to kiss and lick them until I can’t stand it anymore. “Fuck me,” I whisper.

He shakes his head. “No, you fuck me,” he growls.

I near launch myself onto his lap, fumbling with his jeans until his cock is free. With a grunt I slide onto him, groaning in pleasure as he grabs my hips.

I rock back and forth, moaning as he caresses my breasts and tonguing me until a climax starts to build.

I can feel his eyes on me as I grow closer and closer to another orgasm. I shift my body weight, tensing all my muscles and grip his shoulders as pleasure shudders through me.

When I’ve stilled, he flips me on my back and starts to pump me hard. “Say you’re my dirty girl,” he says.

I dig my fingernails into his ass cheeks. “I’m your dirty girl,” I repeat.

He gives me a wicked smile and pounds me harder. “Say you love being fucked,” he grunts.

I’m so into this, I don’t even hesitate. “I love being fucked, I love being fucked,” I pant.

He growls and grips my chin so he can hold me in place as he pumps me faster. “Promise me you’ll stay for breakfast,” he says.

I start to tell him I can’t, but I can’t move, and when he kisses me again, and another orgasm starts to build, it’s all I can do to give him a nod.

“Say it, say you’ll stay,” he says.

As a climax overtakes me I know he’s gotten me in exactly the position he wants me. “I’ll stay, I’ll stay,” I cry.

Pleasure explodes through my body as his mouth opens wide and his face contorts in pleasure. “Fuck, fuck,” he pants.

His orgasm intensifying mine, I come so hard, my ears start to ring, and I’m convinced I’m going to pass out from pleasure.

He pulls out, breathing hard, and slumps back on the sofa.

I release a shaky breath and smooth my dress back down as he grins at me. “Want those pancakes now?” he says.

I groan and look in the direction of the bathroom. “I need to take a shower. Alone.”

***

Becker

Since she’s scurried off to take a shower, I make some coffee and grab the ingredients to make blueberry pancakes.

I’m about ready to cook them when she appears, wearing my shirt again and looking incredibly guilty.

She takes a seat on the stool and leans her head in her hands. “I’m beginning to think the devil sent you to lure me back in my old life.”

I smile as I pour her a cup of coffee. “Or maybe God sent me to enlighten you as to what you’ve been missing?”

She sighs. “There will be consequences to this. It’s inevitable.”

I pull a face at her as she takes a sip of her coffee. “You think God’s going to punish you?”

She shrugs as she stares into her coffee. “I know it sounds stupid,” she says.

I can’t say I don’t think it’s stupid, but I’m not about to ridicule them for something they believe, even if it’s wrong.

“What it sounds like is wonky doctrine. People die, people get hurt, doesn’t matter whether they deserve it or not. That’s not God punishing you, that’s just life.”

She reaches for the creamer on the counter and adds a little to her coffee. “You can’t possibly understand.”

“I read the Bible. Just like I read all the major religious texts. “

Her eyes widen a little. “Really?”

A smile twitches at my lips at how surprised she seems. “Mom wanted us to make an informed choice on everything from religion to politics.”

Her interest is evident. “And what was your conclusion after reading them all?”

I whisk the batter and wink at her. “Religion is a lot like money,” I say.

She reaches for a blueberry and rolls it around in her fingers before popping it in her mouth. “How so?”

“You can manipulate people with both.”

I think she’s going to argue but she looks thoughtful as she nods. “I feel like a traitor for agreeing with you. And it’s not that I don’t have the same beliefs as my father does, it’s just I seem to struggle with things so much more than other people do, you know?”

“People aren’t exactly honest though are they? They don’t rock up to church on Sunday morning hungover and telling people they spent last night cheating on their wives. They hide it, they pretend they’re good people, nice people. Just the way everyone does regardless of their beliefs.”

She takes another sip before wrinkling her nose. “You didn’t pretend.”

I chuckle and pour the batter into the pan. “I wanted you, you wanted me, we weren’t hurting anyone, so I went for it.”

“That’s your motto in life, is it? If it’s not hurting anyone go ahead and do it?”

I pop a blueberry into my mouth. “Pretty much.”

“Except, I told you I just had my heart broken. I was vulnerable and you took advantage of me.”

My heart jumps in my chest as I start to wonder if I made a mistake. “Are you serious?” I say.

She lets me sweat it out for a few seconds before I see she’s struggling to keep a straight face. “No. I knew what I was doing. But this is now just another thing I have to hide from my family.”

I flip the pancake and flick a glance at her. “You make it sound like they’re watching your every move.”

Her shoulders lift slightly, making the t-shirt slip down. “Sometimes it feels that way. Watching and waiting for me to fail.”

I leave the final cakes cooking on the stove so I can grab the can of whipped cream from the fridge. “If it’s so bad, why don’t you move away?”

She opens the maple syrup and pours a sizable amount on her food before replying. “That’s what Lacey keeps saying,” she says between bites.

Since I’m done cooking, I switch the stove off and slide around the counter so I can sit beside her. “So why don’t you?”

Her mouth tugs down as she cuts another bite off and squirts whipped cream on her plate. “You mean other than having nowhere to go? I’m a troublemaker who had a few run-ins with the police as a teenager. I dropped out of art school. My prospects are severely limited.”

I eye her as I demolish my own plate. “You could finish your degree though. Go see old friends?”

She swallows and frowns at me as she picks up her coffee cup. “I’m sure you’ve heard all about my life. People love to gossip.”

“The only person I’ve spoken to is your dad. He’s pretty protective. Why? What did you do? Aside from petty crime.”

A wry smile crinkles her lips. “He thinks I have lousy choice in men. And go for bad boys. Not that Aaron was that. Not like you anyway.”

I quit eating and look up at her. “Is that what you think I am? Bad?”

She sighs and glances at the open balcony doors. “If by bad you mean you seem to know my weakness and how to exploit them, then yes, I do think you’re bad.”

When I cock my eyebrow she slowly shakes her head. “Don’t look at me like that. You know you’re corrupting me, but you’re enjoying it, and that makes it even worse.”

Her eyes land on her empty plate, and when I catch her looking at where she left her purse, I know I’m running out of time.

She’s getting ready to leave, she’s stayed for breakfast but she’s looking for a reason to stay longer.

If I don’t find a way to convince her, she’ll walk out the door, and the next time I see her she’ll be back to the dutiful pastor’s daughter.

And that level of fake is not something I want to see from her ever again.

***

Cynthia

“I’m going to be straight with you,” he says.

It’s such a weird statement that I’m a little concerned. “I thought we were being straight?”

He leans closer and slides his hand to my thigh. “I’d like to keep seeing you outside of my apartment.”

My heart skitters in my chest. “I’m not sure that can happen. Even if I wanted it to.”

His eyebrow lifts and for a minute I think he’s offended but he just shakes it off. “Why? Because you think I’m bad for you or because you think your father won’t allow it?

My lips curl. “He’s not my warden. It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it about? This would be a wasted opportunity.”

It’s such an outlandishly arrogant thing to say I just shake my head. “And by opportunity, you mean carrying on having casual sex with you? What did you think was going to happen? We’d sneak off every now and then behind my father’s back?”

When I move to get off the stool, he grips my knee. “I haven’t planned that far ahead. I was living in the moment.”

I push his hand off my knee. “Well, I have to plan ahead. I can’t afford to live in the moment and get involved with the wrong sort of guy again, especially not here. You might be happy with that kind of arrangement but I’m not. If and when I want a commitment, it’ll be with my father’s blessing.”

I jump to my feet, feeling strangely vulnerable wearing nothing but his shirt. I’m about to tell him to call me a cab when his phone starts to vibrate on the counter.

His eyes slide to it, and he picks it up and hands it to me. “It’s for you.”

I glance at the screen and see Lacey’s number. I look up at Becker but he’s busy stacking the dirty dishes in the sink, his back already turned to me.

I sigh and press the phone to my ear. “Hi, Lacey,” I say.

She doesn’t even say hello back, almost whispers the words like she thinks my father can hear her. “Your dad just called me. He wants to know why you aren’t answering your phone.”

I head back into the bathroom to pick up my dress. “What did you tell him?”

She sounds annoyed as she replies. “I didn’t say anything. I was too chicken shit to answer. You need to call him, Cyn, he said in his message you’re supposed to be on door duty Sunday morning?”

I cringe and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My lips look bee-stung and I look decidedly seedy wearing Becker’s old t-shirt. “Damn it, I forgot.”

“Yeah. I figured. Becker’s making you forget about everything else, which would be fine if your dad wasn’t freaking out. One of us needs to let him know you’re okay.”

I walk out of the bathroom and sit on Becker’s bed. “I know. I’ll call him soon and tell him I’ll be at church.”

“But will you? I mean, I get it, I really do, but now you’re involving me in this little sex fest of yours. Your dad scares the shit out of me, I’m worried I’m going to wind up dropping you in and he’s going to start hassling me about not going to church anymore.”

“You don’t need to call him, I’ll do it. Soonish.”

She mutters down the line. “I still think you should tell him the truth. Maybe he’ll surprise you?”

I blow out a breath as I think of the disappointment on his face when he found a joint in my room. “It’s not that simple. I wanted to show him I’m responsible now.”

Lacey chokes out a laugh. “Cyn, your dad isn’t a moron, for all you know he may have gone to your apartment. He’ll know you didn’t come home last night. Why not just be truthful?”

I stare at the hem of Becker’s t-shirt resting on my thighs. “I can’t tell him I slept with Becker. It’s too…sordid.”

“Of course it’s sordid. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t still be there. Becker is crazy hot, he’s exactly the type you go for, and your father wouldn’t approve. No wonder you’re at it like rabbits, knowing it’s forbidden is like an aphrodisiac!”

Heat tracks over my cheeks as I think about just how many times Becker has made me climax. “It’s not just that. I’ve never had sex like this. I feel like I’ve had a sexual awakening.”

She snorts. “Sure you aren’t just ovulating? God knows I get horny as hell when I am.”

My brow crinkles as I try to remember when my period finished. “Um, I might be…”

When she mutters down the line I know she’s probably right. “Did you stay on the pill after things ended with Aaron?”

I glance at a calendar on Becker’s wall as I scramble to think. “I was on the injection, but I think it should still be good?”

“Shit, Cyn, I don’t know? When did you have it? It’s only good for like, three months.”

My stomach backflips as I look at the tangled bedsheets. “I can’t remember, I made a note on my phone, but it’s broken.”

Lacey curses and my panic only increases with the next words from her mouth. “You need to get out of his apartment and go get the morning-after pill. Now,” she says.

***

Becker

Whatever Lacey said to Cynthia, it’s enough to make her tear out of the bedroom, wearing her dress, and searching for her boots again.

I catch her arm as she flies past me. “Slow down.”

She sucks in a breath and looks like she’s in danger of passing out. “I need to check my calendar.”

I can’t resist a smirk. “Why? You have something better to do?”

She wriggles out of my grasp. “It’s not that. I need to check the date of something important.”

She looks so serious, I quit messing around and gesture to my desk and my laptop. “Can’t you log on and check the Apple Cloud online or something?”

Her eyes widen before a brief smile appears. “I’d forgotten about that. Can I borrow your laptop for a second?”

She doesn’t wait for an answer, just drops her boots and hurries over to the desk when my Asus is sitting collecting dust. “Go for it. I’m going to dry the dishes.”

She doesn’t reply, just leans forward, tapping away as she logs into her account.

I finish drying, still trying to think about ways to keep her here when she lets out a whoop.

“All okay?”

Her relief is visible as she smiles. “I think so.”

Since I have no idea what she’s talking about I give her a crooked smile. “Care to elaborate?”

Her mouth twists into a scowl. “No. But let’s just say this is more evidence I’m not thinking clearly.”

When she bends at the waist to pick up her boots, I know she’s about to walk. “I think it’s time I left.”

I toss the dishtowel on the counter. “You’ve been saying that since last night. I’m beginning to think you don’t mean it.”

She gives me such a loaded smile I know I’m out of luck. “I do mean it. My dad’s been trying to get hold of me. I need to go home and let him know I’m okay.”

I frown at her, puzzled as to why her father has such a hold over her and why she’s so desperate to keep up the act. “Call him from here. You don’t need to give him the details.”

She half snorts a laugh. “Lie to him you mean? I just told Lacey I couldn’t do that. And I’m not going to.”

I shift to block her as I hammer my point home. “Then tell him the truth. Tell him you spent the night with me.”

She pulls a face at me. “What is it with you and Lacey thinking he’ll be okay with that? And aren’t you worried? You work for him, he told you to stay away from me, but you did the opposite.”

I raise my hands. “You said you don’t want to lie to him, but your entire life is one.”

She sucks in a breath and for a second I think I’m in for a slap but she presses her lips together and looks ten kinds of angry. “Call me a cab, please. And forget this weekend ever happened,” she hisses.

I’m not about to have an argument, so I try another tactic. “I’ll call you a cab, but I’ll never forget anything about this weekend. You’re the most intriguing woman I’ve met in a long time.”

Her brow knits. “Now who’s lying? You really expect me to believe I’m intriguing?”

I lean my hip on the counter and slide my hands in my pockets. “You can believe what you want. But you are and I didn’t want you to go home to your fake life before you heard me say that.”

She swallows and it’s impossible not to notice her chest rising a little quicker. “What am I supposed to do with that?”

I shrug a shoulder. “Do whatever you want with it. It’s the truth. You’re an incredible woman, and if I had my choice I’d keep seeing you as often as you’d let me.”

She closes her eyes and growls the words. “You’re making it impossible to leave!”

I chuckle and take my hands from my pockets. “That’s the plan, darlin, hold you hostage and keep fucking you senseless.”

When she doesn’t move, just glares at me, I take a gamble and slide my hands around her waist. “Or we could talk,” I add.

I know I’ve got her for another few hours at least when she leans into me, and her voice comes hot and breathy in my ear. “I have Lacey to talk to,” she says.

I don’t hesitate, I grab her around the waist, and spin her around so she’s on the countertop.

Her legs wrap around my waist as I slip my tongue inside her mouth. She moans as I work my fingers up her thigh towards her pussy.

When I connect with her bush, she opens her legs a little and lets me finger her clit.

I keep rubbing until she’s slippery and my cock is telling me we need to move this to the bedroom.

I pull her onto me and support her with my hands around her ass as I walk her back into the bedroom.

Any plans I had to take my time with her disappear as she pulls me on top of her. Her fingers grab at my jeans, and with her tongue flicking in my mouth, I let her unzip me and stroke my shaft.

I groan as her slender fingers run over my tip. She starts to pull me into her, but I brace myself and look her in the eye. “Not yet, I want to make you come.”

As I slide between her thighs, she doesn’t stop me, just lets me explore her with my tongue until she’s writhing on the bed.

I give her a few climaxes before she gets impatient and I decide to give her what we both need.

I slide up her body, kissing licking every inch of her skin until my mouth is on hers and she’s begging me to get in her.

With a grunt, I slide inside her wet pussy and start to thrust slowly. She grabs my shoulders and digs her nails in. “Hard. I want it hard,” she pants.

Since this is her game, I pump her harder until I can feel all her muscles tighten and she’s coming underneath me.

I thrust harder and faster, enjoying her sex noises until I’m erupting inside her again.

I come shuddering and give her a final pump as the climax overtakes my body.

I slide out of her and flop on my back as I try to catch my breath. I glance at her as she rolls on her side and narrows her eyes. “You’re going to get me in so much trouble,” she says.

I lean over and kiss her soft lips as my hand slides to her waist. “Maybe trouble is what you need right now,” I say with a grin.

***

Cynthia

Saturday 8.57am

I grumble at how glib Becker’s continuing to be about the situation I’m in. I may be okay contraception-wise, but still don’t know what to do about my father.

And there’s only so long I can avoid calling him. I look sidelong. “I need to call my father back to confirm I’ll be at church in the morning,” I say.

He runs a finger over my stomach. “How’re you going to do that without lying?”

I blow out a breath. “I haven’t figured that out yet.”

He props himself up on his shoulder and looks down at me. “There’s a very real possibility you can talk to him without telling him any lies. Just tell him you were with Lacey Friday night at a drawing class, there was a fire alarm and you dropped your phone.”

I frown at him. “What if he knows I didn’t go home last night?”

He shrugs. “Then you’re fucked. But until you know that for sure, you can confirm without lying. That’s what you wanted, right?”

I nod slowly and sit up, so I can wrap my arms around my knees. “That might work.”

He jerks his head towards the door. “So go call him. Get it over with then come back to bed.”

“Won’t he recognize your number?”

He shakes his head. “I use another cell for work.”

I groan at the look in his eye like this morning was just a warm-up. “I can’t stay in bed with you.”

He sits up and mimics my position. “Go make the call, then we’ll see if I can change your mind, again.”

I pull a face at him but relent I will feel better once I let my father know I’ve not been kidnapped.

With a sigh, I climb off his bed and pull the borrowed t-shirt back on. I can’t look at him, so I ignore his admiring gaze and head back to the kitchen.

His phone is where I left it, so after a few calming breaths I pick it up and try to think rationally.

Becker was right. If I choose my words carefully and just stick to the truth I might be able to get away with this.

I clear my throat and tap in his number, hands shaking so much it takes me several tries before I get it right.

Rather than let Becker hear me, I walk towards the balcony and step outside into the sunlight.

He picks up almost instantly and sounds as cautious as Lacey did when answering an unknown number. “This is Matthew Wyatt,” he says.

I force my voice to stay even as a lump of guilt starts to grow. “Dad? It’s me, Cynthia,” I say.

His voice brightens immediately making me feel even worse. “Did you get a new phone? I’ve been calling you.”

I swallow and look across at the apartment opposite and know I’m going to have to bend the truth a little. “No, I didn’t get a new phone. I dropped my phone last night. The screen cracked, and, um it’s not working anymore.”

He sounds puzzled and after a nanosecond, I realize I didn’t think that through. “Oh, you got a new SIM? Or is this someone else’s phone?”

I flinch and mentally slap myself. “Um, yes, anyway, I just wanted to let you know I’ll be at church tomorrow.”

He pauses, and my heart rate starts to increase as the seconds tick by. “Is everything okay? You don’t sound like yourself?”

The answer comes too easily. “I’m fine. I just wanted to check in with you.”

“Well, okay then. We’ll swing by to pick you up around eight am. Don’t worry about eating, your sister and I will bring donuts,” he says.

Guilt now swirling freely in my midsection, I near choke out the words. “Sounds great. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

I’m about to end the call when he speaks again. “You know I think I have an old phone somewhere. Nothing fancy, but I can drop it off to you, so you aren’t without a phone. I’m dropping in on a parishioner at ten, I can come by before?”

I swallow and glance down at the street and try to figure out how long it’ll take me to get home. “It’s fine. I’m sure I can get it working again,” I say.

“Nonsense. I know you don’t have the money to buy a new one.”

I can’t exactly argue with him. I am flat broke. Working at the art store pays peanuts, and if it weren’t for the ridiculously low rent at the apartment he gave me, I’d be on the bones of my ass.

“Um, sure. That would be great, thank you. I’ll see you around ten,” I say.

I end the call, slump in the chair, and try to figure out how to tell Becker I’m not staying.

Even though I want to.