Chapter 6

Xavier

Saturday 9.12pm

I keep my voice low as I ask for the operator to connect me to the Oasis restaurant.

After being transferred from the receptionist, I end up being put through to the kitchen.

I shoot a look through the curtain and catch a glimpse of Carrie dressing. When a voice comes on, I step back a little. “This is Aleki.”

Aleki. The Sous Chef. At least I can confirm that.

“I’m looking for the head chef?”

He pauses and there’s an amount of hostility in his reply. “She’s not here. She’s out of town.”

I glance out the curtain to make sure Carrie isn’t within earshot before I ask another question. “Is there any way I can reach her? It’s important?”

Venom trickles down the line. “Listen dick wad; you’ve got a lot of nerve calling here after the stunt you pulled.”

Since I’m fairly certain he’s confusing me with someone else, I play along. “I just wanted to apologize—”

He cuts me off with a scoff. “You always were a douche. And Carrie’s at the reunion so leave her alone. She’s got enough shit to deal with without you adding to it.”

Without a goodbye, he hangs up, leaving me feeling marginally more confident I didn’t just make a grievous error.

Since it’s difficult to believe her Sous Chef would be so pissed at me if she wasn’t genuine, I’m less cautious as I step back out into the apartment.

She’s dressed and looking extremely annoyed as I hand back her knives. Her voice is terse as she snatches them from my outstretched hand. “So? Did I pass?”

I take a seat on the sofa and blow out a breath. “I’m sorry. I had to make sure I hadn’t made a mistake helping you.”

She just shakes her head. “Well, one of us made a mistake. And I’m not sure it was you.”

She rises to her feet and gestures to the phone in my hand. “Since the phones are working could you please call me a tow truck?”

I nod slowly. It’s a fair question. One I should have expected. But I want to at least try to explain why I was acting the way I was before she leaves.

I dial the local towing company and am almost disappointed when the phone is answered.

“Josh? It’s Xavier over in Frasier’s Gully. I need a tow.”

He coughs down the line. “You and half the county. I’ve got jobs backed up the wazoo.”

With my eyes on an expectant Carrie, I force a smile to my face. “I’d appreciate it if you’d prioritize this one. A woman was in a minor accident, I’ve patched up her car, but she needs to get out of here.”

He releases a heavy sigh and I hear paper being shuffled in the background. “I’ve got a slot around seven am. Sorry, it’s the best I can do. Where am I towing it to?”

I rattle off a garage in the closest town. A town she can easily pick up a rental.

I thank him, spend a few minutes asking after his kids, all with Carrie’s narrowed eyes watching my every move.

When I finally get Josh off the line, I know I have to say something to smooth things over.

“I can’t explain. But it’s nothing personal. I’m just doing my job.”

She doesn’t look at me. “Could you drop me off at the motel, please.”

I flinch and shake my head. “It’s a dump. Worse than here. And the owner is a sleazebag.”

She swallows and this time she does meet my gaze. “I can’t stay here with you.”

Even though I know I just messed this up big time, I try for what should be a reasonable solution. “The tow truck won’t be able to here until tomorrow morning. There’s no sense going out this late at night. I’ll sleep on the couch. You take my bed.”

When she doesn’t protest, just picks up her bag and walks toward my bedroom, I know there isn’t any way to resolve this.

I can’t tell her why I’m here.

But the idea of her walking away, thinking I’m a complete asshole isn’t the greatest option either.

With no choice but to admit defeat, I don’t bother to get the generator running, just start to blow out the candles.

As the last candle sends smoke into the dark room, I realize why Julie was so adamant I didn’t mingle with the locals too much.

Forming attachments when you’re part of an operation like this is never going to end well.

No matter how much it burns at me. I can’t tell Carrie anything even resembling the truth.

Since the dishes are now the last thing on my mind, I wait till Carrie has used the bathroom, and get ready for an uncomfortable night sleeping on the sofa.

In the morning, she’ll be gone. And I’ll go back to my boring routine, of eating alone, training and waiting for Julie’s intermittent contact.

Maybe if there wasn’t a gnawing feeling growing in my chest, letting me know I’m going to be missing out when she leaves, I’d be perfectly okay with that.

As I find some blankets and lie down on the worn sofa, I can’t help but think about a future I don’t normally allow myself to.

My folks make their marriage work. But I’ve seen too many military families suffer under the strain of foreign postings, and the uncertainty service can bring.

I never ever considered I’d ever find a woman I’d like to see on a regular basis in and out of the bedroom.

As my eyes close and I listen to the rain falling softly overhead, instead of thinking about the leaks I need to plug, my thoughts are spinning wildly in directions I never allow them to.

This assignment isn’t permanent. But what if Carrie could be?

***

Carrie

Sunday 6.47am

I wake to the smell of gasoline, Xavier’s shower gel, and the sound of birds chirping.

Still groggy, I rub my eyes, annoyed at myself for getting so worked up over this.

After a fitful night’s sleep, my entire body is aching, and I can’t wait to take a long hot bath.

I toss the covers aside and pull my jeans on. Since I slept in Xavier’s shirt, I strip it off, eyes darting to the sheet I drew back, and fasten my bra.

I shrug on a turtleneck and sit on the bed so I can brush my hair back into a ponytail.

When I’m as ready as I can be, and there’s no noise coming from the living area, I zip up my bag and leave it on the bed.

I ease through the curtain, use the bathroom, all while watching the back of the sofa for any sign Xavier is awake.

With no movement or sound coming from the sofa, I walk across the room, and peer through the window and find myself looking at a backdrop of mountains, complete with a breath-taking sunrise.

It’s so stunning, so unlike the grey I arrived in, I’m struck mute as I watch the golden hues across the sky.

“Pretty much the only good thing about living here.”

I spin around, heart thumping in my chest as I see a fully dressed Xavier looking at me.

I swallow and back up. “I didn’t hear you.”

A smile plucks at his lips. “Sorry. Force of habit.”

I’m about to ask what habit when he cocks his head. “Sounds like the tow truck.”

I nod, my stomach starting to flip about. “I’ll get my bag.”

He shifts forward, the smile sliding from his face. “Look. This isn’t how I wanted things to play out."

Instead of the lengthy explanation and apology I’d hoped for all he does is back away and jam his hands in his pockets like he’s afraid of touching me.

I swallow, heat blazing through my body as the seconds tick past. “How did you think this would play out?”

His gaze shifts to the floor. “I wasn’t thinking. I was acting on impulse.”

I’m not sure what that means so I stay silent and watch his face tighten. “I’ll go see if your tank is dry. You should be able to fill it—”

I choke out a laugh. “So that’s it then? I just walk out the door and we never see each other again?”

He stares so intently I stop breathing. My heart is pounding in my chest, my palms are starting to sweat and I’m unable to look away from him.

He stares unblinking and looks as torn as a man can look. “I can’t—"

The sound of a man calling downstairs breaks the moment and he seems to shake himself. “That’s Josh. I’ll go meet him.”

I release a breath and manage to keep my voice level as I find a smile I don’t feel like wearing. “Don’t forget my bill. You can send it to me.”

His brow furrows, his head cocking as he slowly shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

My lips part and I’m ready to protest when I suddenly realize he probably doesn’t want to know my address.

To confirm it, his expression stays cool as he jerks his head towards the door. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

And with that terse goodbye, he turns on his heel and leaves me blinking back hot tears, I refuse to let fall.

I back away, hiding the raft of emotions I’m trying not to feel.

At least I know I can pretend everything is okay.

I have years of practice doing that.

***

Xavier

If I could feel any shittier, I really don’t see how. Josh is yawning, complaining about roadblocks and the flood damage to his property.

Instead of placating him, and commiserating, I’m thinking about the hot blonde upstairs about to walk out of my life.

I’m not sure which is worse, knowing she hates my guts or wanting to spill them.

This job doesn’t lend itself to relationships. I knew that when I got into it. I saw it as a kid, and I made the call to never fall into the same trap I saw countless guys fall into.

But when she appears at the top of the stairs, Josh’s voice fades into the background and it’s like someone switched a light on in the dark.

I knew she was beautiful, but in the contrast of the dirty garage, she’s positively radiant.

Her face is set hard as she steps down the stairs, her bag in her hand, reminding me she’s all set to leave.

I never should have allowed her to stay with me. I absolutely shouldn’t have slept with her.

I broke the rules, and for what? To watch her slip out of my life, and maybe never speak to me again?

Even if I could go find her after she leaves, I still won’t be able to tell her what I’m doing.

It’ll always be a gaping hole between us, and no amount of words I say can bridge that.

She’ll never understand how much this is ripping at me to let her leave without kissing her.

But I can’t promise her anything. I already know too much about her. Too much that could make me weaken further.

I scrawl a note on Gerald’s invoice stationery to the next mechanic to look at her car and use the opportunity to come up with an appropriate goodbye.

With my back turned, I hear Josh ask the obvious question. “Got into a spot of bother did you?”

Carrie’s laugh seems forced. “You could say that. I took a wrong turn and wound up here.”

He snorts a laugh. “Well, looks like Reid has you all patched up.”

Carrie’s voice is strained when she replies. “Yup. I’m all ready to go.”

I’ve run out of reasons to keep my back turned, so I hand Josh the invoice.

He stuffs it in his pocket and walks toward the truck parked just outside.

With a few seconds alone, I start concocting all kinds of things I can do and say.

Her lips are pressed tightly together, and her fingers are gripping her bag so tightly the tips are blanched.

There doesn’t seem to be anything I can say that will either explain or undo my behavior, so, when she opens her mouth, looking at me like I can provide something she needs, I ignore all my instincts and dismiss her as coolly as I can.

“Drive safe.”

Her lip quivers slightly but she pulls her shoulders back. “I will. And thanks. For helping me. I know it was inconvenient.”

Inconvenient? It was. Very. It was also incredible. And I don’t fucking want it to end.

I want to drag her back upstairs and rip off her clothes and do whatever it takes to make things right.

Instead of acting on the impulse that got me into this mess, I show her outside.

She barely acknowledges me as she climbs into the passenger side of Josh’s tow truck.

I wave them off, and watch Josh hook up her car, all with her looking straight ahead like she’s trying not to look at me.

Without a backward glance, I head up the steps, and do what I should have done the second I laid eyes on Carrie.

I call Julie.

***

Carrie

From out the streaky window, I see water everywhere. Paddocks are swamped, the road is covered in an inch of water and gutters are overflowing.

Josh, the middle-aged and extremely overweight driver wearing overalls, shakes his head. “This isn’t the worst of it. The bridge washed out, traffic is backed up for miles.”

I adjust my hand on the handgrip and try for a conversation I don’t feel like having. “Do you know if the airport is open again?”

He scratches the greying bristles on his chin. “Opened late last night. Phone lines still down in places and a few folks lost power.”

I nod and ask questions if only to keep my mind occupied. I’ve never considered myself an overly emotional person, but there’s a ridiculous ache in my chest that shouldn’t be there.

I only knew Xavier for a day. I shouldn’t be feeling so listless. I keep Josh talking so I can avoid thinking about him.

By all rights I should be more upset at Myles ending things. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad sign I’m no longer thinking about him.

Rather than spend the drive wallowing in my angsty drama, I focus on what I’m going to say to my parents when I see them.

My stomach clenches as I imagine mom’s reaction. Her disapproving look. Her silence. And then the release of a sigh as though she’d expected nothing less from me.

Dad won’t help, he’ll just sit back, drink his scotch and watch the fireworks explode all around him, as mom criticizes my every move.

Tina doesn’t have it much better. But at least she’s married and she wants to have kids soon so she’s out of the firing line.

Danny is so utterly charming, and so secretive about his life, mom has absolutely no ammunition.

Even if she did, her disapproval runs off him. I’ve lost count of the times I watched him deflect every inquiry, every question, until mom loses patience and moves on to me and Tina.

He’s so closed off, he’s as good as bulletproof.

A frown grows as I consider how many traits he shares with Xavier. For all we know about his life, Danny could be in the army too.

We hardly ever see him, this reunion is the first time since my birthday last year.

I exhale slowly as I see the signage announcing a town. “I’ll tow the car to the garage then drop you at the rental place.”

I smile at him and open my purse ready to pay him. “I’m a little short sorry.”

He pulls up at the garage and shakes his head. “Reid took care of it. Including a hefty tip.”

He did?

My eyebrows rise as I stuff the notes back in my purse. “Oh, well. Thank you. I didn’t expect him to do that.”

He smiles and switches off the engine. “He’s a good man. Keeps to himself. May not make a big deal about it, but he’s one of the best mechanics I know.”

My surprise only grows. “You seem to know a lot about him?”

He chuckles. “Not really. Just what I’ve seen and what Gerald told me.”

I’m not sure I should be heading down this path, and asking questions about a man I’ll probably always fantasize about.

Despite my interest in picking Josh’s brain about why a Special Forces man is living above a workshop garage, I thank him again, and let him lead me into the garage.

The second I step through the door, I pick up the phone and get the operator to connect to my insurance company.

As I wait for an estimate of how long it will take to order the airbag, my thoughts spin-off in directions I wish they wouldn’t.

Whatever happened this weekend, from Myles ending things to the hot sex with Xavier, it still won’t be anything close to the drama seeing my mother will bring.