07

## Full of doubts

Emily

Bewildered, lost, confused and... With no words to describe what happened inside that house, I needed to find strength from beyond to be able to firm my legs on the ground and leave there with my remaining dignity intact.

What the hell of a man is that? Damn, worst of all, I couldn't resist saying no. But probably nothing would help since we made a deal, I'll have to be his and let him do what he wants with me, in his words: give him pleasure. And as I've said myself, that's good at least, I don't want to remember my first time as something that happened without my consent.

For my brothers I'll do anything. I made that promise to Sophie and I'm willing to keep it.

"Look, here she comes!" Malvina screams and I see the three of them run towards me.

"Hi guys. I'm fine." I speak reassuring them.

"Thank God! Damn that bitch Jessica is going to see me." Roman exclaims irritably.

"Calm down, forget about it. It wasn't a big deal, I just heard some murmurs sounding like ghosts, I think we all better stay away from that house." I speak with the intention of putting fear in them, remembering Joe's last warning.

"Are you really okay?" Rocco asks.

"Yes, really. Rest assured, everyone." I give my best smile and with everyone's support we return to Malvina's house.

At the moment we pass Jessica who looks at me with deadly hatred, I roll my eyes at her and shrug, then she comes after us and joins her friends in the drunken circle that is happening on the porch.

"I have to go now, in a few hours I'll have to work, you know? Mr Stark is not soft." I marvel at my ability to fake dementia when my body is in chaos inside.

"Sure, we understand." Rocco says and gives me a hug. "Thanks for coming and I'm sorry about Jessica." he whispers in my ear.

"Okay, I told you." I speak and smile.

"Friend, I'm sorry the party sucked thanks to Jess bitch, and I thought it was for her and her brother's birthday, but I promise she won't be there next time. Shit, all this for a stupid crush on the Roman." Malvina says upset.

"I don't even worry about it anymore, I've made it clear many times that I have no intentions of staying with him, but it seems that she hates me for the simple fact that he doesn't stop hitting on me!" My anger is visible and some people look at me with curiosity.

"Badly eaten people are like that! Maybe if she had a hot dick to sit on, she wouldn't waste time bugging anyone's ass!" Malvina screams for Jessica to hear.

"But anyway, I really need to go. See you tomorrow everyone!" I speak to everyone nearby and my friend gives me a kiss on the cheek, I reciprocate and wave to Rocco.

"I'll walk you home." Roman says and takes my hand, I look for Valérie but she seems to have already left, but I still let go of our hands.

"I accept your ride, even though it's close I have to get home as soon as possible, at least thirty minutes I need to sleep." I accept and he smiles.

"Beauty." He exclaims and walks me to his bike, he gets on and with his help I get on too, after the departure.

With my hands weakly squeezing your shoulders, in less than five minutes we are in front of my gate. He turns the bike off and I quickly hop off.

"Thanks, Roman. See you tomorrow." I say and give him a brief hug.

"You are welcome." He says smiling. "Listen, Emilia." He speaks and pulls my arm crashing our lips in surprise.

"You are crazy?" I exclaim indignantly and turn away from him.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist, you know I always wanted you, I don't understand why you never gave me the ball." Sorry.

"You're like all Roman men, you only think about using women to satisfy yourself, I'm not like that!" I automatically feel like crying and walk into the house leaving him out there alone.

Minutes later I hear the noise of the motorcycle and I'm sure he's already gone. I enter the house and lock the door behind me, everything is silent, so I walk to my room and sit on the bed, I feel my cell phone vibrate, I pick it up and look at the display, scaring myself with what I read.

"Tell that boy if he touches you again he'll have no hands! Good night my sweet, sleep tight."

The number is unknown but I imagine very well who it is, suddenly doubt consumes me, how does he know that Roman brought me and stole a kiss? Heavens! Will he now watch every step I take? Scared, I lay down after taking a cold shower and embarrassed I get up the next day.

A week later, strangely, everything seems to be back to normal, at least for my brothers, my parents are back to being the same as before, which I find very strange. But if they were so smart, they would have noticed my change towards them, I can barely look at their faces without feeling angry or disgusted, I know forgiveness is essential for a Christian, but in this case it is extremely difficult. Damn, they used innocent people to deal weapons and drugs and intended to get their kids into their dirty business! I don't conform and never will.

I know that at any moment something will happen to them, jail I hope. I didn't say anything so as not to cause an uproar, I want them to fall into their own traps, I keep pretending that I'm just a teenager in her depressing period of living just holed up inside the room.

My routine has been the same, I never smile or feel happy, sadness and anguish are dominating my soul and I fear a lot for that. I work, I go to church to ask forgiveness for what I am going to do for my family, and sometimes I meet Malvina and Rocco somewhere. After what happened at the party, Jessica and Roman disappeared, I never saw them again.

Getting ready for another day at work when I feel my cell phone vibrate, with a strange anxiety I quickly open the message and it makes my heart beat faster.

"I want you tonight, for dinner with me. My house, at nine pm. I want you to wear the clothes I'll send you. A kiss, my sweet."

I shudder at the thought, what kind of clothes will he make me wear? I confess that because he spent a week without contacting me, I had the naive thought that he could have given up and it was all just a whim of his to scare me, but no. Here he is wanting to have dinner with me today.

I go to work and every moment the tension grows inside me. All right, dinner, what's up? I can't help but think about its possible conclusion. I try not to think about it so much as I get involved in the work a little more. When my shift is over, I go back to my house, when I arrive I find a note on top of the kitchen counter.

"We need to take a quick two-day trip to Grandma's house with the little ones, Grandpa Raul is bad. Thomas and Melinda are under your supervision. A kiss and take care."

It is true that grandpa Raul is not doing very well in health, I am very worried about this trip, after all my brothers are far from my eyes, but if something happens to them, I have Joe who, according to him, manages to know everything about everyone places, I believe he won't let anything bad happen to my brothers.

I go up to my room and there's a big box on top of the bed. It scares me for a moment but I think I should get used to these unpredictable things in the time I'm being Joe's 'mistress'.

I take a long shower and dress in the clothes he chose for me. It doesn't have bad taste, it's a black dress with not very flashy details along the length, lined with a thin white cloth under the black lace, it falls a little above the knees and close to the body, I also put on sandals and comb my hair, I only stay in it for more than half an hour, besides being big, I had to dry it.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and I can hardly recognize myself in this outfit, I look like a woman in her early twenties, one of those very chic and elegant ones who go out on dates with their super rich suitors. This is not my world, I much prefer jeans and an old sweatshirt, but I know it will be worth putting up with it for a while, Joe will soon get sick of me and let me go.

When I'm ready to leave the house, my cell phone rings, and this time it's not a message, it's a call. He's calling me for the first time. I answer quickly and nervously at the same time.

"I had an unforeseen event, we won't be able to meet today." He informs dryly.

"Hnm..." I murmur not knowing what to say.

"Damnation! I was looking forward to seeing you." He says and seems to expect some disappointment from me. "I'll call you another time." Just talk and hang up.

I take a deep breath and sit on the bed to take off my sandals, at this moment I can't help but think of Joe's image, the masculine and handsome figure he is. At this moment I have just discovered that my feelings are divided: just as I feel great relief, I also feel a wave of disappointment.

Sadness washes over me as I try to come to some conclusion from my crazy feelings. What's happening to me? Alright, Joe is incredibly handsome and fascinating. But he, too, has no compassion or decency, considering the proposal he made to me. He's a... murderer.

Knowing all this, how can I respond to him on any level?