17

## humbling himself

Emily

I look in disbelief at Joe who has a confused expression on his face. My head is a little dizzy from the wine, I'm weak on drinks so anything is already head- spinning for me.

"Can you explain to me what the fuck is going on?" The brute exclaims looking at me.

"Heavens! You always have to arrive like this." I get angry with him.

"Let's calm down, people." Malvina tries to appease.

For a while we were all silent looking at each other. I don't want to argue with Joe, enough of that. At least I have to have some respect for my friend's house since he doesn't. Besides, I'm feeling guilty that Roman got hurt, I know how heavy Joe's hand can be and the damage it can do.

"I'm leaving." He says and I wonder for the first time that he doesn't want to drag me out of here. "If you want, you can go with me." As soon as he walks out the door, I follow him.

"Wait, how did you find me here?" I ask.

"You had an argument with your parents, you left the house in your nightwear, you ran to your friend's house, you had dinner with her, you drank with her, so far so good. But then this little guy arrives, he wants me to think what Cum?"

"You can't think about sex and cheating all the time." I speak and move closer to whisper something in his ear. "I'm still walking with difficulty." I smile.

"You can't drink like that. You 're not used to it." His voice is thick and resistant.

"But you found out the exact location where I was. How?" Curious question.

"I always know where you are, if you're good or bad, happy or sad. I have someone who watches you, besides our connection of course."

"But why? I won't do anything wrong."

"Let's say I have some enemies. However, they are not threats to you, but I think protection never hurts."

"Look, we'll finish this conversation later. I need to apologize to Malvina and Roman, I'll be right back, stay out here." Noting my hard tone with him, I continue, "Please." I soften and he smirks.

I go back into my friend's room who is looking for some bruises on Roman to clean.

"Guys, I'm sorry. He's really possessive, you know..." I explain, embarrassed.

"That's it, it's okay. Go there with your ogre, I'll take care of this thing here." Malvina says smiling loudly. You're drunk.

"Talk straight to me. I'm in shock. Milliet, I still love you." Roman exclaims and I leave the room smiling.

When I find Joe outside he is apparently irritated talking on the phone with someone, I stop next to him who doesn't seem to notice my presence much, his call seems to be more important, as his mood quickly changes.

"Hi let's go." Finally he sees me and guides me into his car.

"The chat was good, wasn't it?" I imply and he just smiles.

"So, tell me, how did you fall in love with a gay man?" His mocking tone annoys me.

"He found this out today, he's not even sure of anything."

"Are you still enchanted by him? Even after finding out about this?" He is clearly mocking me.

"Do you know anything about falling in love? Have you ever been in love with anyone?" I return bitterly.

"I don't fall in love. I don't believe in love, that to me is just a four-letter word that doesn't mean anything. Now shut your pretty little mouth because I don't feel like talking about banal things." Your rudeness brings me an unusual feeling.

"But..."

"Lucky for you, I'm in a good mood today." A wave of curiosity hits me.

Does it have something to do with the call now? Who was? Some woman? Well, he had said that he would only stay with me as long as we had the agreement.

I'm starting to think I have mental issues.

It's almost dusk when Joe walks into his gloomy mansion with me. Surely he already knows that my parents sent me to ask him for money, but he hasn't said anything until now, which makes me feel embarrassed. I even thought he would get irritated and take it out on me, but I only see him in a light, relaxed mood. He wasn't even that freaked out that I was so close to Roman in the room.

But what does my parents' debt have to do with Joe? I believe nothing. Really he has no reason to be interested in this and ask me about it.

My cell phone rings in my pants pocket, it's a message from my sister, Melinda.

"Emília, where are you?"

"What there was?" I ignore your question.

"Do you have any money to give me? All the cookies are gone, the twins and Sophie are bugging me about snacking, I don't know when the shopping day will be. Mum and Dad are out." I feel my heart tighten.

Is this the beginning of a financial hardship at home? What were my parents talking about? I cannot allow food shortages in the house, this is already too much. Every sacrifice I made was for my brothers, I cannot allow them to lack what is essential, which is food.

Yes, what my parents ordered was nonsense. But and now? All the money I have is to ensure that I have a better future. I can't help but have the unpleasant thought the moment I consider asking Joe for help. My parents don't deserve any of this, but the kids aren't to blame for anything.

I feel my whole body shake with fear and tension. God, do I ask for his help or not? What level will I have to descend to?

"Honey, I don't have any money. Only at the bank, call daddy and ask him." I answer.

"I already called, they sent for you. They said you have all the family's money in your hands. They also said that we depend on you and that all we need is to ask you." His answer comes and I squeeze my eyes tight feeling hot tears fall.

How can they do this to me?

"Come, sit here with me." I return to earth with Joe's call. I walk over to him and he stares at me in silence. "Why are you crying?" His question was the trigger for a crying crisis.

"My parents." I can only say and feelings in your lap, holding one of the hands on your neck.

"Stop crying. They don't deserve your tears." Orders.

"Don't you want to know why? What did they do?" I inquire.

"I already know why." He sighs.

"Like... You haven't commented on anything yet..." I say quietly.

"I have people working the foreign trade customs line. Your parents' names are quite famous there. Deadbeats and thieves. It's a pretty big debt, bella mia ."

"They said they took a hit and had to borrow money, they can't afford it or support our family." I speak with my head down.

"That's not my problem or yours. Your life has changed beside me, you know I'll never let you lack anything. You can live with me if you want." He says placing his fingers on my lips.

"I can't abandon my family." I speak and I see his eyes turn dark.

"Family is not as important as it seems." Not knowing why he said that, I question him.

"You're not even caring about me..." I say tearfully.

"Of course I care, you can't imagine how much." He says.

"Joe..." I try with my heart in my hand.

"Don't ask me, my pretty one." Warn.

"You don't know what I was going to say."

"I don't know?" exclaims.

"Do you think it's easy for me to ask you for something?" I remember the day I made a fuss about him giving me money and now here I am, asking him for money.

Does the world go round?

"I know it can be a challenge for you, but look how calm and affectionate you are... She even sat on my lap, she has her hand on my neck."

"Do you think I'm like this because of that? I'm not that gold digger kind of person."

"I used to think that too, but now what seems to me is very contrary to what I thought."

"I can't help but try. You don't understand, it's my family."

"I really don't understand. You want to help your parents. Do you really think they're sorry for what they did? Do you think they deserve your sympathy?"

"Despite everything I love them. I'm so ashamed of this..." I speak in a whisper. "They did horrible things, but they raised me to this day, they made me who I am. I have a heart, at least a drop of mercy I should have for those who gave me life. Maybe it wasn't always like this." Joe lets out a cold laugh.

"What if you found out you were wrong? That in the past they weren't like you imagine?"

"What do you mean by that?" I inquire with my mind in confusion.

"It's nothing. Forget it."

"My dream would be that I could give them a chance at redemption." Down his face, Joe lifts me off his lap and turns to me.

"Please say that just because they are your parents!" Yes, he's right.

" Please Joe. Give me a loan." Being the last straw for me I ask.

" Dio! Until now I valued you for being different, you almost convinced me. Where is the principled girl I thought? You were the only one until today who had never asked me for money, who wasn't with me for interest in jewelry and all that. ."

The blood drained from my face, I turned away in embarrassment like never before. I've just sunk to the lowest level of humiliation I could possibly be. I know I'm supposed to protect my family, but this? I'm horrified at myself that the tears won't stop flowing.

"Do you remember you told me that it didn't have a price? That it couldn't be bought? That it wasn't a commodity? Because you just gave me a value now."

"Joe... I'm sorry... I shouldn't..." Regretful and with my throat almost closing from so many tears, I pronounce my words with difficulty.

"If I wanted, I could ask what I get out of it, maybe you would answer me that it would be you. But do I have the intention of helping your parents? No. I don't. Do I care? No. I don't care. I want to please I'm sorry passione mia , but no. It's not because I'm cheap, as they say, it's because I don't want to. Simply." He says coldly.

His words hurt more than a slap. Telling myself all the time that what we have is just sex, that Joe just wants my body, is one thing. Now, to hear you say it, it's totally different. It hurt.

Joe is so cold, so unfeeling. It feels like the weeks we were together never existed. I really meant nothing to him.

"I thought you might have some compassion. I was wrong." pronounce.

"Your parents are not worth my pity."

"In the meantime you can give me an envelope full of money after you took my virginity! I just want to help my family." Appeal.

"You told them you slept with me to save them and what did they do? They didn't even bother to go after you. Would a decent father let his daughter use her body to help the family?" Joe explodes angrily.

"Maybe they think we really like each other..." I protest. "But since you said it, would a decent man ask a woman to have sex with him so he doesn't kill someone?" I return it furiously and blind with rage.

I don't care about your meanness right now.

"That doesn't offend me. I've never claimed to be a good and decent man. Do you think that if your father had the opportunity to sell you to me in the interest of a good sum of money, do you think he wouldn't? He's done it before." Suddenly her eyes open as if she's said something forbidden.

"What do you mean by that, Joe?" I ask with a mind full of conflicts.