22

##No feelings

Joe

I wake up with a searing pain in my head. It feels like I'm a seventeen year old teenager and had his first hangover. I can't move my head much, but I feel someone squeezing my hand like a lifeline.

"You woke up." A soft voice whispers.

I see Emília's face appear to me, in her eyes I see relief and tears. Her messy hair falling over her face and shoulders, her face with a few bloodstains and small scratches, when it should look least attractive is when I think she looks amazing.

"How long was I unconscious?" I ask.

"I don't know for sure, it's been a few hours." She answers and I recognize that she is wearing the same dirty clothes as before.

"Was it with me the whole time I was sleeping?"

"Of course." Satisfied smile.

"You shot a man to save me, that was very brave of you." I say feeling a lump in my throat. "You yelled at them too before they came in with you?" I decide to add some humor to our conversation.

"A little bit, I asked them to let me go and warned them that you would kill them." She responds with a half smile.

"Good. You got it right. And I'm glad to hear you don't just like yelling at me." She smile.

"I haven't yelled at you since karaoke. You made me scared to do that again." He shrugs and I just keep looking at his face.

All of a sudden she starts crying, tears start running down her eyes and I know they're for me. I wonder why I like the idea of her crying over me so much.

"I guess after I told you that our arrangement was over. You might be wondering why I didn't leave even after I was rescued." She says softly with a sheepish look.

"You're here. And I can tell I care about that." I answer and squeeze her hand, she lowers her eyelashes and a knock on the door interrupts us.

Emília goes there and opens it, I see Franco standing and looking into the room.

"Can I come in boss?" Ask.

"Between Franco, what's up?" I ask.

"I'm ready." Says and I get confused.

"Ready for what?" I inquire.

"I know that after what I've done, the danger I've put Miss Antonelli in, the Lord will kill me." Emilia gives Franco a deadly, terrified look.

"What you mean?" I inquire.

"When I went to make sure that she was still at her friend's house, I told her that you had gone to rescue her, she insisted that I not waste time and go straight to where they had taken you, after receiving the information that it was all just a trap. It was my fault that Miss Antonelli was caught." She explains with her head down and her hands crossed at her waist.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" I exclaim irritated.

"I insisted that he go." She defends him.

"Fuck you! You didn't have to listen to her and just leave her safe here!" Furious growl.

"Forgive me boss, but she saved your life. There were too many men, he was more influential than we thought, we couldn't get in in time to save you from Campbell son."

"I had a fucking plan! I wasn't going to die! You really think being who I've always been, I'd fall for a stupid trap like that? Of course I had a plan. Damn, you could have died!" I exclaim looking at her irritably ignoring the severe pain in her ribs.

"But... You said I shot him to save you... I thought I had saved your life..." Emilia says in a soft, tearful voice.

"I don't need anyone to save me, hell!" I yell angrily.

Emília runs out of the room in tears, while Franco is still standing in front of me.

"You can go Franco, as much as I want to kill you for it, I won't. I hope you never do that stupid thing again!" I order and he just nods leaving the room.

When I stop to think about everything I've said, I come to the conclusion that I can't pretend to be a man I'm not. That's me, a tough guy who doesn't care about anyone's feelings, I had a plan that was about to fail if they discovered the grenade I had inside my pants, Emília did help me, however my pride is greater than I can get over it and admit it out loud.

But fuck, my biggest indignation was the danger she was exposed to, she could have died, raped, tortured, those men intended to do everything to get what they wanted from me, Donatello with his fucked up life wanted me to give it to him. him the privilege of being me, forever burying myself in a cement floor. He really underestimated me.

Nobody will ever be Joseph Manganiello. Or as they say, The Joseph Legend.

Suddenly I feel a very distant and small tip, of something I've never felt and never thought I'd feel, even more so for something so banal. Emília left here crying because of what I said, I hurt her with words when I said I would never do that, I promised I would never hurt her, but I forgot that words hurt too.

Remorse.

"Frank!" I yell and he quickly enters the room.

"Yes."

"Fetch Miss Antonelli. Don't let her go too far. Bring her to me." I command.

Minutes later, he appears with her inside the room, his eyes are red and his face angry, sad and pale.

"Let me go, I don't want to stay here." Complain.

"You can't leave just yet, not until I make sure there's no further threat to you out there." I speak in an authoritative tone.

"Nothing will happen to me, do you really think they will come after me?"

"I think."

"But why? They can't use me against you, after all, you don't care about me." In your voice there is pain.

"Close your pretty little mouth and just obey me, Emilia. You will stay here at my house until I make sure there are no more threats! Do you understand?" Grunt.

"No, you no longer have a claim on me." Nervous speech.

"But who says I need your agreement? I told you, I'm not a good man and keeping you here against your will will cost me nothing." I reveal.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

Because I want to see you safe. But I won't say it out loud.

"Because I want it. I want you to stay here, and when I want something, I have it. And you'll do what I want now." I say.

"I run away." It says.

"Franco, handcuff Miss Antonelli in the guest room." I command.

"What? No! Joe!" She screams when Franco takes her outside.

Her safety is important to me. Even though I'm irritated with the two of them for putting her in such danger, I can't help but want her around. I can't keep her with me because of the deal, but I can still keep her with me for the simple reason that I want it that way. I want her and even against her will, that I can and will change that, she will stay.

Perhaps this feeling goes beyond sexual desire. Possession? Obsession? Addiction? I don't know, the only thing I can say with absolute certainty is: Emília Antonelli will never belong to any man after me.