Sixty-eight

Extraordinarily, the wizard moves his gaze to the door making it close in the vampire’s face. The most striking thing is that he was nowhere near the wood. No spell came out of his mouth and no signs of witchcraft were drawn, or invoked.

If with a single glance he made an object move, imagine what he can do if he is too irritated.

— Let the friend go instead! — suggested full of calm. — Your decision may end up annoying the Queen even more. It is better for your wife to try to soften the conflict before she hears the real truth from your mouth.

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"With a baby..."

— God...

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I would shed myself in tears without believing in the return that my life had given in such a short time.

When I was younger I always said to myself that I would never be a mother. Motherhood was not for me. It’s not. I think this compulsive idea that every woman should live motherhood is a mistake.

My mother used to say that a Queen’s womb was only for one thing. To give her King, an heir. She even told me that if God was good to me, he would send me a boy first, because that way I would not have to worry about a replacement, or even another pregnancy.

Here sitting in this room crammed with loneliness, pieces of my past begin to eat away at my brain. I remember my grandfather saying that at that time girls had no place on the throne, that the worst thing that could happen to a queen, was to bear a girl.

"Today I ask myself why. Why couldn’t we produce girls?"

Clifford’s are the only ones on the throne line, so that’s the family my grandfather was talking about. Remembering this causes me a feeling so bad, so bitter. I don’t know what’s going to happen to these babies, and I don’t even know what happened to the babies back then.

"I don’t even know who the father is..."

— What if it’s girls? — I ask myself. — And if it’s a boy, and a girl. What will happen to the baby?

"Sir..."

— What if the girl is born first? — Horrified chin.

"What if the two are boys, but not the King’s children?"

It only made me more destroyed. Destroyed by not knowing whose these children were.

"Should I leave, should I run to protect my babies?"

— How I’m gonna raise them... I cover my face with my hands falling apart in tears.

I don’t even know them and I already feel like I’m going to lose them. I couldn’t even hold on to them and it feels like I’m already saying goodbye. I’ve never seen their little faces and something inside me screams that I’ll never see them. I could not touch them, nor feel their little feet hit my body. And the smell. Maybe I never smell them.

The whole world could take them from me.

The force I thought I had just evaporated.

They’re stealing everything from me. Maybe the best parts. The parts that hurt.

— Mila?

When I hear Julie’s voice, I dry my tears quickly wondering why she hasn’t killed me yet.

"I would surely have murdered my husband’s mistress already!"

— I’m right here! — I say sobbing.

The moment I see you, I sense your calm. She seems to have the whole world in her hands according to her laws and wills, nothing seems to shake, is always attentive, loving, companion and especially understandable.

— Can we talk?

— Of course!

She sits next to me, stealing my hand for her.

— How do you feel? — he asked gently, caressing my fingers.

— And...I...is...I don’t know, Julie!

— Right! — strangely in a very sweet way, she moves on the bed crossing her legs on top of the blanket. She stands face to face with me, looking deep into my eyes with that deep blue. — Tell me everything that’s going through your head right now!

— You wouldn’t understand. Nor am I able to understand!

— Let me try! — he asked. — Maybe together, we can figure it out!

— The only feeling I recognize is fear!

— Okay! — I said hold my hand. — Let’s put it in words then, it might be easier that way!

I don’t prepare what to say, not even calculation how to say. I just dump everything I had in my head.

— Fear, insecurity, doubt, fear, anger, but also a certain attachment, jealousy, indignation, revolt, betrayal...

"She’ll get out of here more traumatized than me!"

— When you say anger, but also attachment, can you explain to me better what that feeling is like?

— No, I have no idea...

— And can you compare it to anything other than babies?

"That I can do!"

— You know when you’re in a car alone, a hundred miles an hour without worrying about anything?

— I know... she seeks to understand.

— Now I feel that I can no longer accelerate, that I no longer have all that strength that I imagined to have...

— Are you feeling weak?

— Yes! — I say. — I feel that they are taking my armor from me. As if they were leaving me with nothing, totally vulnerable.

— Are babies your shield, Mila? — She asked me for help. — Are babies what make you vulnerable, with this feeling of weakness?

— S—yes... I say not holding back tears.

— I think it’s so beautiful, I’ve always admired the power of motherhood!

"What is it?"

— You don’t even know them, but you’re afraid of losing them. You feel vulnerable because for the first time, you feel like everything you care about is exposed for everyone to see. Your strength is in them, your fears are in them. It’s not about you anymore. Now it’s about all those who can do harm to your children, all those you can’t predict. It’s about the fear of making mistakes, of failing them. It’s about having your heart put inside these children. Heart that will wander the world, meet other people and be subject to numerous dangers. Dangers that you can not always avoid.

"Oh, my, my..."

— It’s...this...I...I feel exactly like this!

— You love them, Mila...

"Master?"

— If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be afraid!

— Julie... I get thoughtful. — How do you know all this?

— I’ve lived a lot...

— I get it...

Sad. She was sad. You can see she paid dearly to have all that knowledge.

— Treason...

"Hi?"

— You cited treason. You want to explain to me why?

"Shit!"

— Did I mention treason? — I hesitate.

— You know you can tell me everything, right?

I’m not gonna be able to carry this on my own, not with these babies messing up everything inside me.

— Iris and Kaila... I give half a clue. — When they know what I carry, they will kill me without any mercy.

— Benjamin would never allow something like this to happen to his children!

— Benjamin’s not everywhere, Julie!

— Why do you say that?

— He left once, remember? — I’m brooding. — And also — I decide to shut up. — Forget it!

Her eyebrow arches and her expression hints that she will want to know the rest.

— And also? — Forced.

— If the babies aren’t his, he’ll probably kill me himself!

I say at once, causing a strange tremor in her hands. Her eyes bulge and her lips come off. She began to stare at me in silence, with a terrifying face.

— Thomas? — he also asked about the sad past she had with his father. — do you think the babies are Thomas’s?

— And...and...and Piter!

— D—God! — spoke letting go of my hands.

The vampire gets up scared, looking sideways as if she’s running from a robbery. I don’t know if she’s trying to call me names, call your husband, or start a panic attack. All I know is she can’t sit still on the floor, walking around like crazy.

— Fuck! — He said rubbing his face. — My God, what are we going to do?

"She’s making me more scared than before!"

— One of the reasons the wizard came was to discover the fatherhood of the babies — —revealed. — But the plans were to test only Benjamin and Thomas' blood...

She’s not talking to me, she was talking to herself setting up the whole scenario.

— Thomas is your husband, so obviously the wizard would test his blood as well, but Piter... God...Piter my God...nobody thought of Piter...nobody.

— Julie... I stand up wanting to explain myself. — Can you stop for a while?

She’s already making me sick.

— Benjamin almost killed Piter when he caught us fucking him, imagine what he’ll do when he finds out you two are having an affair!

— We had! — I throw myself in front of her. — Stop, stop walking! — I hold her by the arms. —look at me! — I command. — Piter and I have nothing else. Nothing, you hear me?

— Do you think that changes anything? — It’s rude, rude like you’ve never been before with me. — You think the fact that they’re not together right now is gonna give you a point with Benjamin?

— Would he be able to hurt me? — I ask really worried.

— You? — mocked. — Of course not. But Piter, you can forget Piter, especially if he is the father of your children. If that happens, Benjamin will tear his body apart.

— But they’re family, Julie, they’re the same blood. He wouldn’t be capable of something like that...

— Listen well, Mila! — she pulls her arms, turning them against me.

Now she’s the one who held me holding my wrists.

— You don’t know Benjamin, you have no idea what that man has done and can do. The reason why Lucian hates him so much is because he killed Thomas' parents in the cruelest way there could be. Dastan had no quarrel with Benjamin, I had a quarrel with Dastan, but that did not stop him. Benjamin tore the Queen’s heart out in front of the King and then did the same to him, leaving hearts one on each throne. He didn’t care how Thomas would grow up. He just wanted to get back at me.

"God damn it..."

— The necklace, the necklace! — she unties me pointing at my neck.

— A—that necklace? — I’m confused. —What did Benjamin give me?

— Himself. Where is he?

— I took it off...

— You want to know how Benjamin got the necklace?

— Hector! — I answered with total certainty. — Hector helped him to find and activated the magic in him.

— Daya was immense, powerful, her heart was not lost, Mila!

"She’s not well, she’s out of control!"

— Julie, you’re scaring me. How come he didn’t find the heart?

— Dragons are immortal, why is Falkor alive and Daya not?

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