Chapter 31 His Side

I watched my feet take steps after her small strides in the sand. She was in front of me, and I'm silently chasing after her. In the midst of the velvet night and under the shadows of the moon light, I can't help but to purse a little smile.

She confessed, she fvcking confessed that she still loves me!

"Jesus ..."

I uttered under my breath when I saw her tripped for the nth time, so goddamn drunk. I was about to grabbed her again but I stopped myself, because I'm afraid for another outburst. Thank heavens that I was looking after her the whole night, she was casually drinking with that asshole as if she was so used enduring her alcohol tolerance.

No, talking to her or even approaching her was never part of my plan, but I can't help but to loose control when I saw her and the man yesterday tailed after her. I never let go of my eyes, not even for a second.

"Bro, your chick."

My irritated eyes glanced at Cali when he interrupted my silence while I'm drinking my third can of smirnoff. This as $ hole keeps on pointing out some woman that I don't even fvckin 'know. Earlier amputated. Because he typed, I'm still going to retire.

Celest and Paul had a pre celebration of their wedding tonight, I was not hoping to see her because I know she's avoiding me for God knows what reason she has.

How many times have I waited for her in the dining room, map-floating deck and such, but I didn't see her since the last time I saw her on the hammock sleeping, looking like an angel. Angel who has a habit of breaking my heart.

She keeps on avoiding me, to the point that I have to flick my fingers just to reassure me that she has already eaten. I get it, fine! Avoid me but thank goodness you ate! I was so sure that she is doing so. Why wouldn't he avoid me, if the last time we met he even knelt down just to leave me?

Yes. I gritted my teeth when I saw her walking in the direction of the girls and the bride. Wearing a thin piece of clothing. The night is cold with it's dew, and with her thin composure I can't believe that she managed to wear those.

She is beautiful, alright? But what makes him sick, is he still dressed like that? She was timidly smiling hearing the cheers of their group, recognizing her as the 'model'. Yeah, my most beautiful model alive.

"Shit. You're one hell of an obsessed bro."

Cali punched my arm and I woke up in a trance. I then avoided looking at him and drank the can I was holding for a while. Damn. So what if I am? I don't give a damn if I may look that way because that's the truth and I'm not ashamed of that. If it's all about her and if it means loving her then hell, maybe I'm really am obsessed with this lady.

I saw Celest hand him a bottle of mild beer. She looked at it not knowing what to do. No one can get drunk there, but change that, my love.

Remembering her drunk moments before, I just can't. I bit my lips seeing her sitting on the mat and lowkey fitting in with the group. Very quiet, gentle movements and sparing smiles. With all the same flaws of her that I admire before up until now.

Her curves of softness and innocent and safe eyes, I found my rest- I found my middle ground. She has this astonishing beauty that I can't just fathom with words because I'll feel guilty if I'd put a label. She's not just a lady in the billboard, magazines and news paper because that was lowly to address.

She was different out of all the woman I met, she was this girl that will not stand out in the crowd but once you laid your eyes on her, you'll be caught up. God, she was 17 when I laid my eyes on her but now she's 23 and that kind of beauty was something age couldn't touch.

From the moment I saw her sitting there being herself again, not the image she was trying portray since the complicated circumstances that have happened ... I can't help but realize,

That was my girl. It was her before she was even mine and it was her in all of my days.

"I said I don't want to go!"

I heard Cali shouting. I'm focused in front of my laptop trying to finish some paper works for the deadline of the business proposal that was raised to me this morning. It was so hard for me this past few months, I understand that I have to be in the hard way because after all, I was trusted to be the next chief of VGH.

It was a pressure, of course. This is the result of the suffering of my parents, especially my mom. And so ever since I was young, I have set foot on the rock that I will try to promote.

"Dios Mio, please! Cali, if you can't help the company, I hope you can at least fix it yourself! Women, liqour, drag race and all that! You have done nothing but embarrass this family! What? what did you contribute? I'm upset? "

Mom is angry, almost like a boar. I tsked in my head hearing their another session of mass. Cali is this solid headed rock of a son. Just now he came home again and was still very drunk. Mom was pursuing him to go and check the site in Samar because obviously, nobody has the time to go there, and that last 'nobody' is him.

"And at least I contributed something."

"You son of a-" I twitched my lips and got up on my seat to stop their noise. I can no longer focus and my ears are still hot from the rudeness of Cali's mouth. I saw him laying in his bed so wasted.

Mom is looking so stressed with his glamorous attire, just from their business meeting. I placed my hands on mom's shoulder, I grabbed her attention and I immediately kissed the top of her forehead.

"Mom, it's me." She hissed.

"You are more busy than I am, Levi. This brother of yours should be there!" "I'm almost done." I am not.

"Oh? It's done."

Cali replied. I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes. You're late for me.

"I'll just try to pass the papers to my secretary and email him the following documents. How many days?"

He rubbed his forehead and looked at my brother again.

"Weeks, son. Weeks!" Shit.

That's why this one doesn't want to.

"Then how many weeks? Don't stress yourself too much, please."

Her shoulders weakened, sign of surrendering. He gave Cali a look and shouted at him again.

"You should be thankful that your brother is always the one two call on your goddamn priorities!" Her hills clacked in the room, storming out.

"Thank you all."

It still whispered even though it was already closed.

"Stop giving mom a head ache. You know it's not good for her."

"It's just that there's no water like that."

"Fvck you."

Just that and I left his room, I followed mom to ask some details about the site in Samar.

"Supposed to be a month. It depends on the workers since sometimes, when no one is really supervising the duration there will be an improvement. One more thing, you make sure to talk to the project manager maybe what the brushing is doing."

"I'll just try to reach my limit. I'll make Cali my representative for the meetings that I'll miss. I'll stay in tact through calls and emails. "

"Yes-yes, Thank you." She whispered, her whole attention was on the papers. Coming home from work, going home is still work. The things I'd do for her. She and dad got back together 20 years ago. Yet, no matter how they hide it into our face it's so obvious that they just got back casually but they just won't work.

I'm not the right person to sit with and talk about those feelings because it's definitely not my cup of tea. I bore myself into lots of works and stress, I do hook ups yes, but those feelings that they cry for is not in my vocabulary.

That's why, no matter how clueless I am when it comes to what she feels about my dad, I try to understand her. Dad cheated on her and worst, had a child with somebody. I saw her at her worst, and it was probably the worst phase of our lives too.

Even though now everything is fine, they are casual to each other yet I can still feel the sadness in her. Sometimes, I just think that she's making herself busy as an alibi. I just let her, I cannot do something to ease her pain.

"Come with your Tito Constantine, I had a meeting with him this afternoon and he mentioned that he's going back too."

And so even though I was cursing Cali in my mind because of the amount of work I had left, I just found myself in the car with Tito Constantine. It's been years since the last time I came here. We have a chain of our hotel here and my brother resides here. Speaking of that boy. I dialed his number.

"Yes?"

"I'm in Samar."

"So?"

I sighed and pushed my tongue to the inside of my cheeks. Why am I surrounded by stupid brothers?

"Where's dad?" I asked. Since my dad is constantly hopping here from time to time. Can't miss this place even if it's also busy at work sometimes.

"You're looking for him but you called me?"

Lourd is this 'Mad kid' which Cali always labels him as. I understand him for being like that. He also grew up with us for a few years, he was a part of our family but things are just not that easy. He and mom couldn't stand each other so dad just decided to put him here in the hotel and here to study.

He was building his own career in Manila as a model, which made mom even angrier. He said it only brings shame to the family. I'm not in any one's side, cause if I am, I have already killed my two brothers.

"I am looking for him, yes. Cause if he's not around, you'll be the one in charge."

"I'm busy." He ended the call. See? The weather is not good here in Mar De Vena. Manila was blazing in heat, why the hell did it rained here? Just when I need to supervise the site, Jesus Christ.

"Yes daddy, but the maids are off today."

I have no choice but to eavesdrop on tito's loud call with Celest. He was informing that we have arrived in Mar De Vena.

"But that's okay, Cyreese is here." My ears almost got bigger when I heard Celest uttered a name.

A bit unsure if I heard it right? Cyreese? Does she means the girl I asked for them to keep? Did she really ... Even before they finished calling each other, I typed on my cellphone to text him.

Me: Cyreese? Did you really?

I heard Celest say goodbye to my uncle and then he replied to me.

Celestine: Of course. Did you pay me to keep your crush?

Out of consciousness, my heartbeat suddenly went wild thinking about the possibility of seeing her. If I'm not mistaken, it's been 2 years since I left her in their mansion.

And crush? What am I? A high school boy? I did not reply because I did not know what to say and I'm too spaced out thinking about some scenarios in my head. That night, with the growling heavens and luminous lightnings I saw how miserable she is calling out her parents. I didn't mean to see him in the dark area of Mar De Vena.

I have to fix some things because mom and dad got caught up into a serious matter. So much trouble happened so we are all here. When dad cheated on mom I'll be honest that I got so ma at him. I despise him for doing that in our family.

Everyone suffered and I have to went in the worst situation of my life but it's all in the past now. They say time could heal all wounds but scars will always remain. I saw her on the wake where dad asked me to go with him. From a distance dad looked at the two coffins side by side while a girl there was crying incessantly. I looked at dad and saw how serious he is. Must have been painful for him to see that scenario.

"One day, you're going to see her hold his hands and she won't even notice you because she's too busy laughing with the stupid jokes he makes. And it will break you into pieces, seeing her smiles and realizing that you are not the reason of it all. "

Looking up to him, I tried to study his every corner. She loved her.

"And then it will hit you. That it was her, It will always be her."

He uttered and immediately wiped his tears, and pursed a little smile. He did not even let me see his weak side. I don't know the whole story of them but he did loved that woman after all. I swore to myself that if I ever come to love I will not reach this point. Or if it's just like this, I just won't love. But life could get more playful.

When you don't know how to play, you lose. Without hesitation I got out of my car even though the raindrops were already hurting my skin. She passed out hugging the picture of his parents and so I carried her and brought her to the Solidad's. Conscience? I also do not know.

"What will I do with her?"

"I don't know." "What do you mean you don't know?" Celest sighed.

"Just ... Just keep her."

"Why not you?"

"Are you crazy? Do you really want mom to kill me?"

"When mommy killed me, okay? Wow!"

"Whatever, just keep her. Do whatever you want with her, I'll provide anything she needs. Just ... let her stay here."

"Oh, daddy?"

I looked at her with a hawk eyes. She hissed and nag her feet. She will stay here, she needs to. She's alone now. And so when I saw her again in the Solidad's mansion. I can't help but to stare at her. It's been two years but she looked matured now.

She seems distant but I could not just take my eyes of her. Her eyes, her eyes showed her soul. As I looked into her eyes I knew, nothing could even compete with all the extravagant things around her. She stand out even with the gems that sorrounds her, she was more than gold and diamonds. Nothing compares to her.

"Maid? Really, Celest?"

"Oh? Why are you mad now? Did I think I would do everything I wanted to him?"

I massaged the bridge of my nose. Celest is a sister to me, we grew up together. Very few will believe that I really am all brothers or sisters I consider to be a pain to me.

"FYI, I'm not the witch in your story. I didn't ask her to be our maid, it's what she wants to do. If she was a maid, I would have put on a uniform. " She rolled her eyes.

"It's not just him who came home."

She whispered more to herself. I feel guilty, I should be thankful because she granted my request. I just can't really believe he seemed to be an assistant here at the mansion.

"So what do you think? She's pretty, 'no?" It teases me. As a child, tss. But she is.

"Form it."

"What the hell, Celest? Are you even thinking? She's young, where do you want me to go? Behind bars?" I defensively said.

"And she don't even ... like me."

None of my own whispered to myself. She raised her brows and her mouth hanged opened like she heard the angels singing in her ears.

"What. The. Actual, fvck, Levi Vidalio?" She has this confident and amused expression in her face while her hands are crossed in her chest.

"What?"

"I was just joking about this whole crush thing and heck! Do you really like Cyreese? Are you serious?"

What? Did I even say anything like that? "What's wrong with you? Are you out of your mind?"

He did not answer. Her lips are protruding with confidence that made me irritated. I work here but he messed me up. I won't go after this.

"I have a plan." I did not look at her.

"I said, I have a plan."

"Good luck."

"Good luck really to you."

She laughed creeply.

I regret being so confident in front of her. When she said about that plan, I did not know that it was all about me. I find if funny at first, I rode Celest on her trip because I wanted to show her that she stinks to play.

But it was too late when I realized, I too had fallen into my own trap. With just weeks being with her, I felt like I was already part of her world. How I understood her depths and her words. Very innocent, so naive that I wanted to keep her, that I wanted to protect her. Talking with her always feels radiating, I don't seem to want to talk to her, I just want to stare until morning.

She has this understated charm, perhaps it was because she was so unaware how charming she is- How beautiful and enchanting she is. Her passion and her dreams made her even more beautiful. She could turn the rain into her tears but she will not let the world break her. Sure she could cry, but she would never let them take her true self from her. She was a strong lady, and she became my weakness.

So when I realized how crazy it was to feel that way about him, I decided to left Mar De Vena. Damn. It took me over a month, a lot of work but not once did he let go of my mind.

"Shit Levi, this is wrong. This is so wrong."

I tried to fight my self. For I know that the age was not the only problem here. She was the daughter of my father's mistress. The daughter of the late woman who's dad suspected to be dead because of my mother. And I know that If I tried to get involved with her, the cards of options will block in my way. It's either my mom, or her. My family, or her.

"We don't want to get involved with a seventeen yr old lady, son."

Dad said one time we met again in Samar. I came back yes, but I wasn't yet sure if I'll come back to her because fvck it, I'm dying out of confusion. I didn't even tell him the whole story. I just asked some details and stories out of curiosity and worries but he knew immediately what was on my mind.

"I know, I know."

That's what I said but contrary to how I feel. Helooked at me intently, I can't read his mind and his eyes. So I just bowed again. I'm having a hard time because of his past. Ironic, how the riffles of life stumbled upon me.

"She deserves the world, son. As much as her mother deserves too."

That was it. His words became my inner voice, I seemed to have a little hope that I would somehow deserve to fight all this. Well shit, I'm just fooling myself too because I know even if no one agrees with me I will still fight. I came back to her and I was taken a back by the changes of our encounter. She became more vocal of her feelings, to the point that sometimes she confuses me.

Does she like me? Is this what Celest says is the result of her plans? I confirmed it when she bawl her eyes out that night, speaking things and matters that doesn't even make sense. She was even saying her goodbyes. Like as if, I'll leave you baby. Not now, not when I know that you like me too.

"She's my sister! You're my sister!"

I tasted blood after the one solid punch in my face. Lourd burst out in front of me after he knew about it all. If I hit him I might even be killed. I just tried to understand him, I'm at fault too and everything is so complicated right now.

I get it, it's his sister that we're talking about. Too complicated but fvck, what do I do? This was never part of my plan, not at all. I wiped the blood in my lips. I can't believe I'm letting this kid hurt me.

"Don't tell her. Let me be the one to explain it to her."

He snickered hearing that from me. "And who are you for me to follow? I'm gonna fvcking tell her about your mothers' bullsh!t"

"You shut the fvck up, don't include mother here."

I can feel my anger rising up hearing him curse my mother. Another one and it will taste good to me.

"Please. Just ... please."

I'll never beg to anyone. But I had no choice but to feel sorry for him. I don't want her to know about it, yet. I had to know everything before he knew. So that she will understand me, so that she won't leave me.

"I'm fvcking begging you too. Cause once you hurt her, we're all quits bro."

"Why are we even talking about this, Levi?"

Mom intimidatingly backfired after I asked her about things, beating around the bush. I just want to ask her if she really did the fire in the island. I want proof, I want answers, anything.

"Did you ... really did that?"

My brain stuttered, feeling the coldness of my question. Her expression looked priceless, I knew I asked wrong. But damn, I'm bargaining all the things left in me. She held her chest and put down the paper in her hands. Wasn't able to process what I've just asked.

"Out of all people, I don't expect to hear those words from you." I immediately regret what I've said. I knew it.

"I'll accept if it comes from someone else, but you?"

He shook her head while her tears are wanting to fall from her eyes. I cringed at what I saw, I can't bare to see her so disappointed with me.

"I've accepted long enough that your father will never love me, like how he loved that woman. Truth, I want them to suffer, but I will never-"

I hugged her immediately as she cried.

"They've hurt me. They broke me in all possible ways that they can but I will never go down that low. I'm not that evil, no."

It's heartbreaking seeing my mom being like that. I returned the pain he was trying to hide at avoided. But inside I was celebrating the truth I had learned. Now, all I need is proofs. I need evidences just to prove that mom didn't do that. Just when I was almost done collecting everything.

Even though it was hard work and I was overwhelmed by a lot of work, I still worked hard. I know that my mother would never accept the idea, but life is fvcked up anyways. I'll make her understand, I'll do everything to make her understand. She entered my office and not a word she slapped me. I felt it, deep inside my soul.

"You dissapoint me, Levi."

Her words are like cold metal slashing deep in my chest. I moved my jaw feeling like it turned dislocated. After all the sacrifices I've done for our family, for this company. Spent all of my years to be the good son because that's how it's supposed to be ... It hurts. But her words hurt me more.

"I love her." I uttered silently. Because I know the moment I said that was the moment I chose myself and not somebody else. Not even her.

"Love? My ..."

She supported herself with one hand on the table as her legs weakened. While my expression remained stone rock. It's been months not seeing her, and all I can think of right now was only her. Her smile, her hair her scent. I'm crazy, I'm no different than my brothers. Because I defied mom in the most unforgivable way.

Fires of hatred are smoldering from her eyes - looked like they might pop out, fists clenched, hard staring eyes. I'm such a disgrace, but Ava is the best decision I made.

"Well then, y-you are no different from your father. Cali will handle the VGH from now on. You chose that lady? Okay! Now leave, before I could even disown you right here." A breath of chuckled left me, my eyes are bloodshot and unexplainable tiredness was enveloping my system. Disown me? Doesn't it look like he did the same? I licked my lips and nodded slowly.

"I'll attend my last conference in New York. And when I came back I will m-"

"Don't even say it in my face. Do whatever you want, by the time that woman leaves you ... remember you won't come back." I must have been out of my mind, cause I still managed to pursue a smile. Get everything from me, just not her. It's for sure. I will win it. She's 18, yes. But heck, if she don't want to marry me yet then I'll let her do what she wants.

She wants to pursue her studies, okay. I will follow everything he wants, just don't lose him to me. I'll do whatever it takes just to keep her ... just to have her. After all she's the last tick of my clock. She's the only battle I'm willing to get into.

She's the language of my soul and she's my victory. I was trained to always win the fight. That's why when she left me, I felt like it was the end for me too.

"Fvck!" I felt the numbness of my knuckles as I punched the door in out hotel. I'm sure it bled, but who the hell cares?

"I-I'm sorry, son-"

"What did you fvckin 'tell her, huh? What !?" Mom looked so guilty seeing me. I have run out of care, I can no longer feel anything.

"I j-just ... I can't help myself. Looking at her reminded me of everything ... I d-didn't mean to-"

"goddamnit!"

I shouted and grabbed a handful of my hair. I wasn't able to attend the fvcking conference. I came back because I know it will be like this, he is gone. I never caught up. Mom's sobbing made my anger worst. I suddenly don't know what to do. She left me, should I chase her? Where can I find him? Will he come back to me? I stood up not knowing what to do, I was leaving but I didn't know if there was still a destination.

"So you will chase her, huh? Levi, I am your mother!"

I was so tired to face him, I was so weak at all. My eyes are shaking, soon enough tears will fall down but I don't want her to see it.

"She's all I ever wanted 'Ma ... Am I asking for too much?"

She fell silent, a hint of pity is in her eyes. Then it all hit me. She really left me. I always try to understand everything but right now, I just can't. I do not understand. I can't understand what corner of his life he put me to just leave without even saying goodbye. She didn't even wait for my explanation, which made me think? Did I even become a part of her? Or maybe I just love us? My chest hurt more thinking about it.

"She's gone 'Ma." My knees hit the cold floor of the hallway and my tears raced one another. Never forgetting the pain that felt like sun could never rise again. But here she is, back in my arms again. With me, walking under the same moon and breathing the same air.