xix

what do you do,

at the face of scenarios you've always imagined

what do you say,

to people you've always wanted to meet?

M A D D I E ♛

I was in a car.

It was my first time being in a car and I was sitting behind. Chase was in front with Owen who was driving.

Today, we were set to visit Cassian's pack to meet... my parents. Chase told me it was about a five hour drive so it was better for me to catch some sleep before we arrived, but that was impossible.

How could I possibly sleep when I'm about to meet the people whom I thought have abandoned me?

A long time ago, I always made up scenarios in my head of what would happen if I were ever to meet my parents. Of course, I never thought that one day I actually would be meeting them.

But now, it was really happening. In a scenario I never would've thought of. In a car, with my mate who is a pack wolf and his Beta.

It's been about two hours now and I was fidgeting at my seat at the back as I watched the blurry vision of the forests that we passed by.

I wasn't even able to get a wink of sleep last night because of how nervous I was. I was able to speak with Cassian for a through the Voca Orb and he told me that he hasn't told our parents about me yet. He also said that he was excited to introduce me to our younger sister, Megan.

It must've been because I wasn't able to sleep the previous night, but I when I decided to close my eyes, I was unwillingly drifted to slumber.

♛

I opened my eyes to see that the car was parked at the side of the road. Chase was now beside me and Owen was rested against the driver's seat.

I quickly got up.

Why? Why did we stop? Have we arrived yet?

I turned to Chase who was leaning on me, his eyes closed. I shook him for a bit to wake him up.

"Chase, Chase." I called, he stirred sleepily, but then sat up, yawning.

"Good morning to you too, Madeline." he says. Owen seems to have awoken too.

I was panicking. "Are we here yet?" I asked.

"Yes, we arrived a few hours ago but you were fast asleep so we told Cassian we would wait for you--"

"Wh-why didn't you wake me up!" I say a bit worried and panicky, a bit surprised that my voice raised.

The thought of meeting my family was nerve-wracking and I couldn't calm down.

Chase was quick to notice this and so he smiled. Owen started the car too and was getting ready to drive again.

"I tried waking you up, Maddie, but you didn't wake up. You haven't slept in days, so I decided to let you sleep in a bit." he explained. Why did he always have to be so kind and thoughtful?

How was I supposed to stay mad at him?

I bit my lower lip. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous." I apologized. Chase put his hand on mine and shook his head.

"Don't think bout it. We'll be there soon." he says.

Owen continued driving and it didn't take long before I saw a barrier glowing around a perimeter. That's the pack.

That's where they all are.

That's where I'm supposed to be from.

My heart was beating faster and faster and unknowingly, I was holding tighter onto Chase's arm and when I noticed it, I realized that I've been relying on Chase more than I realized.

But I didn't move away, I knew I could trust Chase, I knew that I couldn't go wrong with him.

We stopped for a bit in front of the pack barrier and I watched it gradually get weaker before we continued. After we passed it, I watched as the barrier was strengthened again.

After the barrier, we saw tall gates and as it opened, I saw two wolves that greeted us. I understood that they were to guide us of where to go. They started running, leading us the way and Owen followed.

We stopped when we reached a building and judging by how big it was, I understood that it was the pack house.

My eyes breathed everything in. The placement of the buildings, the surroundings, I took it all in, trying to see if I could remember anything, but I didn't.

It was almost night time, the sun was already setting and I could see a few people lined up in front of the pack house. I was thankful that there weren't a lot of people.

The wolves that led us here also disappeared already.

My eyes trailed to the people that were standing. I immediately notice Cassian who was walking towards where Owen was stopping the car.

My eyes stopped at a woman who had the same hair and features as me. The man beside her, I recalled, was the man who looked like Cassian but with black hair. Another one beside him was a girl, I'm guessing her name is Megan.

My chest was getting pummelled and I was going to stay seated right where I was, but Chase had already opened the door and gotten out of the car, his hand extended to help me get off. I saw Cassian waiting outside too, a nervous smile on his face.

I let go of a deep breath before taking Chase's hand and letting him help me get off. He was going to let go of my hand, but I held on. It must have surprised him because he looked at me for a bit and then came closer.

"I'm glad you made it here safely, Maddie." Cassian greeted and gave me a hug. I noticed the group of people behind poke their heads in curiosity.

"Y-yeah." was all I managed to say. I met eyes with the woman who must've been my mother, but then she turned to her mate to say something. He also looked at me.

Oh no, our eyes met!

"Don't be scared, I'm here with you." Chase reminded me and squeezed my hand. As if it contained a spell, his words did comfort me.

I was assured that no matter what happens, I had Chase with me.

"Let's go." Cassian calls and starts walking beside me towards my family.

When we finally arrived in front of them, my heart was still pounding against my chest and I was breathing rapidly. Instinctively, I took a step behind Chase, but still poking my head to look at the people lined up to greet me.

I saw Cassian's Beta whose name I remember was Clause. He smiled at me. The rest of the people bowed for a bit, although when I met the eyes of the man and the woman that I've seen in my dreams, they seemed to be taken back. They looked pained for a while, but that was quickly gone.

"Chase, welcome back to our pack." the man says and greeted Chase, but his eyes were kept on me.

"Yes, thank you for welcoming us back in sir."

"And the lady behind you?" the woman asks, staring at me still.

That's when Cassian looked at me and nodded with an encouraging smile as if telling me that it was fine to step up.

I swallowed hard and took courage to step in front.

"Mom, dad, I want to introduce you to her." Cassian started. They both looked back at their son curiously, probably wondering how he knew me.

"This is Maddie, it's Madeline."

here it is

it will hurt,

but it will heal

M A D D I E ♛

"This is Maddie, it's Madeline." Cassian says full of hope, a wide smile on his face.

At first they stared at me, scrutinizing the show that Cassian had brought. Second, they furrowed their brows and looked back at Cassian.

That's when I feel the deep cut in my chest, a lump immediately start forming in my throat and my cheeks are already getting warm.

They don't believe him.

They think he's lying.

They think I'm not real.

They think I'm dead.

My chest was already heaving up and down, struggling to control my emotions.

I knew it, I knew I shouldn't have kept my hopes up. I'm dead to them and to be honest, I've been trying to kill the image of meeting my family for a long time haven't I?

Before I could stumble down in shame, Chase was right beside me to offer his support and held me closely.

"Cassian! How could you even--!" the older man could not finish what he was trying to say, he was too angry as he switched gazes from Cassian to me. Like Chase, he also held his mate who was weakened right beside him.

"Let her rest, Cass." the older woman said. The young girl clearly understood what was going on, but she had no say. She knew that it wasn't her place to say something.

Cassian noticed that I was disheartened and came closer to me.

"No, I'm telling the truth! Dad, can't you see she looks exactly like mom? I know, I didn't believe it too, but just hear us out! She's finally coming home after so many years and this is what you show her?!" Cassian was angry now too.

The older man looked at me, I could see the hesitation in his eyes. I was right in front of him, but he must've not wanted to go back to past so he shook his head.

The woman took a careful step forward as if wanting to reach out to me, she probably was seeing all the resemblances that we shared, but she didn't want to believe it.

They already buried me, a lost girl in the woods couldn't have survived.

"Please," she begged and I couldn't hold it in. My tears started to roll down my face and I could see that she was starting to cry too as she begged me. "Please tell him to stop joking. My daughter..." she was in front of me now.

I wanted to hear her say it. 'My daughter is dead.'

That's all I need to hear so I can finally let go. That's all I need.

Why isn't she saying it?

She held her hand up and held my cheeks gently, trying to wipe the tears away, but then she immediately pulled away as if my tears were acid that burned her. She turned away and had her hands in between her head, trying to pull her hair.

The older man immediately went to her to try and stop her.

"N-no. This can't be. My Madeline... she's gone." she told herself, trying to convince herself. I understood that she's been telling herself of this for so long now.

In a way, I kind of saw myself in her.

I also fed myself of those lies. But here I am and here they were.

She turned to her son who was regretfully watching everything go down. Cassian imagined a happy reunion, I did too, but I see now that that was only a hopeful wish.

Living in a pack for too long has made me hopeful.

"Mom, it's her." he tells her, almost pleading her to stop.

The atmosphere was heavy. Old wounds were cut open and no one liked how everything was turning out.

The old man was visibly hurt too, but he chose to be reasonable and went towards his mate. He whispered something, but I couldn't make out the words, I was in the middle of my own breakdown. I was busy trying to keep myself from breaking down completely.

The woman nodded and she slowly took a glance at me. When out eyes met, she quickly looked away.

"We will listen to your story, but please let's go inside first." he says and casts a painful glance towards me and then a reprimanding look to Cassian.

He led everyone inside, but I couldn't move my legs. I couldn't bear to let myself follow them. I felt like it was all pointless anyways.

Hear our story?

They've already set their minds.

"Maddie, let's go. Just stay strong for a bit more." Chase whispers beside me and plants a kiss at the side of my head, encouraging me.

I swallowed hard before forcing my frozen feet to move.

I entered the pack house, not really minding my surroundings. The recent happenings have been too distressful to think of anything else.

We were led to a room, a sort of lounge. It was a place to talk. Chase had a similar room back in their pack.

The family sat at the other side while Chase and I were at the opposite side so we faced each other. Cassian was standing in the middle, his arms crossed, his hair now messed up.

The only ones in the room was their family and Chase and I. All the others stayed outside.

The woman kept her eyes on me now and Megan also.

"W-we apologize for the way we acted. You must understand, we have lost a daughter almost twenty years ago... We looked for her everywhere, but we--" the man started explaining, keeping his eyes on me and keeping his voice from not breaking, "we never found her."

The three stared at me, waiting for me to say something. I looked at Cassian first and he nodded, encouraging me to talk.

"M-my name is Maddie. I've been a rogue my whole life. As far as I can remember, I've lived as a rogue." I start. At just the mention of my name, the woman's jaw had already opened wide and she put her hand over her mouth, her tears still falling.

"I never knew who my family was. I never knew where I came from. I didn't know who I was, the only clue I had was a handkerchief with an embroidered name on it, the name was Madeline. The rogue that took care of me then said that it must've been my name and that I must've been most likely abandoned." I explained carefully.

The realization was dawning on them, they were trying to connect the dots and placing two and two together.

It's too unbelievable, too impossible that this is happening right now and I completely understood. I felt the same as them.

I still can't believe that it's happening, but I just need some sort of closure, I just need answers.

I promise I won't ask for more...

"M-Maddie accidentally met Chase and that's how they were able to find out that they were mates." Cassian says on the side.

The room went silent.

No one knew what to say more or how to react. Even the young Megan who was silent was now wiping tears of her own.

The woman stood up, her eyes on me and then she kneeled in front of me and holding my hands.

"Then is it true? Are you really our Madeline?" she asks me. She smiles, a sad one. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I thought you were--" she stutters and looks at me up and down trying to check for any wounds or any signs that I was hurting.

"It must've been hard, growing up all alone, Madeline, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there." she says. Her mate was now behind her and sat beside me.

I was surprised when he put his arms around me and pulled me closer to him, hugging me.

"We're so sorry for giving up. How could you ever forgive us?" he says, regretful.

I sniffled, I tried to stop my tears because I promised myself that I wouldn't cry some more. I'm strong, this is nothing.

This is...

This is just all that I always imagined and hoped that would happen.

"Was it hard, Maddie? Was it hard, being all alone?" my father asked.

I looked at him. Usually, I would say no. I would tell them that it was just the way life is and you just had to deal with and get it over with.

But in this moment, I felt some of my wall breaking.

"It was so hard."