Chapter 12

Aeros, Eli’s horse, who was standing a few feet away, whinnied impatiently. Eli glanced behind him and saw the other two soldiers shifting uncomfortably. Kit assumed they were told to be gone by a certain time or to arrive by a certain hour, and she was delaying them. She caught her breath and fought tears, glancing over her shoulder at Galter and the other man, a tall, agile looking fellow with red hair she couldn’t name.

“Listen, Kit, I need to go. But perhaps it’s for the better. We both know….” He paused, looking into her eyes, and she knew what the end of that sentence would be. There was no need for him to say it. They both knew it was never meant to be. Her mother would fight it at every turn, and even if he were to stay for her Exploration, he’d never be part of her Choosing. Kit would even go so far as to say, if he stood a chance at being selected as his province’s Representative, her mother would find some way to manipulate the voting or otherwise prevent him from being the one Eastbury chose for their chance at the throne.

Kit took a hesitant step forward, not yet willing to let him go, and he opened his arms for her. Closing her eyes, she pressed herself against him, feeling his lean muscles straining against his uniform as he returned the embrace. She breathed him in, and a calmness settled around her. For a moment, she was taken back to the day before, when she’d felt so scared and on the verge of panic, but then suddenly, with one deep breath, she was at peace. A question arose in the back of her head, but she pushed it aside, not willing to allow herself to think there was a possibility that those two breaths were somehow connected, and instead, she thought back over all of the joy the pair of them had experienced together over the years. From running around the stables as children, to chasing each other through the woods on horseback. There’d been hours spent in the garden, smelling the flowers, reading poetry, chasing butterflies. Those were some of her happiest memories.

Dark times crossed her mind as well. He’d left before, and the first time her mother had sent him away, Kit felt as if the earth were shattering beneath her feet, that nothing would ever make her whole again. But then he’d returned, and now, she prayed to any of the goddesses that might hear that this time, his journey would not be long, and he’d come back to her, safe and sound once more, and preferably before her twenty-first birthday.

“I need to go.” His voice was the wind on her cheek, only a faded whisper.

“Do you remember—that time in the ruins we found in the woods, that manor house, the one nearly destroyed by fire?” Kit asked, ignoring his reminder and pulling back so that she could look him in the eyes. “Do you remember when we became outlaws?”

A crooked smile spread across his handsome face. “I do. If your mother were to ever find out, she’d have my head.” They both laughed, though a tinge of sorrow curled up the edges.

“Would you… if you had to… would you do it again?” Her voice was faint, and she hoped he could convey her meaning through her disjointed question. It had been over three years ago, and she had been just a child, though she hardly knew her own naïveté at the time. He was a young man about to set out to see the world for the first time, full of excitement yet anxious that longing for home would set in before his feet left the castle grounds.

Eli’s eyes sparked of mischief. “Would I kiss you again, even though the law states that no man may kiss a noblewoman before the beginning of her Exploration, and only a man who is a chosen Representative of one of the provinces may kiss a woman once her Choosing begins--under penalty of death?”

“Yes. Would you do it again?” she asked, her eyes locked on him as she prayed for the answer she longed to hear.

He reached up and lightly stroked her cheek, his rough fingertips setting her flesh on fire with a slow, smoldering flame that seeped deep down within her. His voice was husky as he replied, “I would. In our secret place, out there among the trees where the only ones who would ever know are you and me. Yes, Katrinetta, I’d kiss you again.”

The spark in his eyes let her know he felt it, too, that flicker that refused to be extinguished despite the crashing of a thousand waves of reason.

She smiled up at him, wishing she could be there now, in that house in the woods, away from those who would tear him away from her. But she couldn’t be, and no matter how she longed for it, she’d never be able to return to that moment when her cravings had caused her to convince him to kiss her for experience’s sake, though there had been much more behind the request than just a lack of carnal knowledge.

His hands were still on her, but he began to slowly back toward his horse. “Be safe, Eliason,” Kit implored, stretching her hands out so that she could still touch him even as he pulled away.

“Be pleased, Katrinetta,” he replied, and she felt a blush rise up her neck and color her cheeks. With one more longing glance, he released her, giving a slight wave. He approached the saddle, slipping his left foot into the stirrup and swinging his right over top of Aeros in one fluid motion so that he was seated with his back to her. The horse took off at a slow gallop until they reached the waiting soldiers, and Kit continued to watch, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

There was a rise in the earth halfway across the open space, between the place where she was standing and the gate that led out to another area of the castle grounds and the queendom beyond. In a moment, he would slip out of her line of sight, and she had no way of knowing when she might see him again. Her breath came in short gasps, but she did not blink for fear she might miss her chance to see his familiar form for the last time. Right before Aeros crested the hilltop, Eli turned and looked at her once more, and even at such a great distance, she could see he was smiling at her. She waved, and his hand came up briefly before he turned again and disappeared.

She stood there, looking after him, for a long moment before drawing in a lung full of air and wiping at her cheek. Her mother’s voice resounded in her head, reminding her that she was a princess, that she had a duty to the realm and to herself. With her shoulders square, Katrinetta turned and began to walk back into the castle unsure of what her Exploration might bring but knowing she could embark on the journey before her not caring who may be watching or what he might be thinking. At least, there was a small amount of good in that, she thought, and prided herself on her optimism, a trait she rarely saw in herself. But today was a new day, a new beginning, and despite her anguish at losing Eli, she was determined to fulfill her duties. That’s exactly what he expected of her, what he wanted her to do. She would just have to find a way to do it with her heart shattered into a million pieces.