Chapter 194

Eli replaced Danyen on the bed, but he didn’t place his arm around her. Instead, he rested his elbows on his knees, hunched over. “Kit, now that you have this information, you have to be cautious about how you react to it.”

Her head turned, her eyes widened. “How I react to it? Eli, I’m furious! I’ve been betrayed, not only by one of my own Representatives, but by my own mother! Pierce needs to be dismissed at once, and she needs to be brought up on charges to the council. This is... reprehensible!”

His hands come out between them, modeling the caution he’d just spoken of. “I understand why you feel that way, and I don’t blame you. But Kit, you cannot bring your mother up on charges without igniting a fire we may not presently be able to extinguish. As far as Pierce is concerned, the queen will be outraged if you send him home now....”

“Good. Let her be.”

An exasperated half-smile took over his face. “Kit, I understand your incessant hate for injustice, that you can’t fathom how anyone could possibly choose to do wrong when we are compelled by the goddesses to do right in all things, but know that, if you choose to go through with this—if you call her out or in any way imply that you know what she and Pierce are up to—this will be the catalyst that sets your entire world on fire. If you truly believe you’re ready for that, I know I won’t be able to stop you. But, please, give it some thought, won’t you?”

A lump formed in the hollow of her throat, and Kit had to look away from him. She knew precisely what he was saying. Was a betrayal by a man she had no feelings for and a mother she knew had never loved her worth launching a revolution she could not turn back? Still, it had been hard enough to sit next to the queen and pretend she wasn’t aware of the way she’d treated Eli. Compounded together, the weight of both acts seemed impossible to bear.

“I shall think on it,” Kit replied. It was the best she could do.

“Thank you.” He didn’t get up, not yet. Nor did he reach out to her. Kit felt a space forming between them, and she didn’t like it at all.

If it was already there, she may as well ask the question burning in her mind. “Did you know?”

“I did not.” His answer came quickly, and she believed him. “I suspected. I had no evidence.”

“You knew of the tunnel. Why didn’t you use it?”

A familiar grin broke out over his face. “Because I’m not reckless? Foolish? Untamable?”

She smiled back at him and even let go a small chuckle, but she didn’t think her actions had been any of those things. Daring, crafty, clever—certainly. Definitely not foolish.

“I should take my leave.” He still didn’t stand, and Kit could tell there was more he wished to say. “Danyen has become one of your favorites recently. Is it because of this scheme, or is there more?”

“There’s more,” she assured him. “You don’t care for him?”

“No, it’s not that. I do. I did, anyway.” He shrugged, and she knew he meant before Danyen had helped her.

“Not everyone is as apt to tell me no as you are, Eli. Some of these men actually see me as their superior.”

His emerald eyes widened as he turned back to look at her. “Do you think I see you as anything less?”

“Apparently.”

“Kit....” He ran a hand through his caramel hair. “It’s not that at all. I pray you know it isn’t. It’s only... no one knows the dangers of this castle as I do. You cannot claim that you do, can you? Honestly?”

She shook her head slowly, admitting he was correct. Unfortunately, she was discovering the circumstances for herself.

“If anything should ever happen to you....” Once again, he was unable to find the right words. “Danyen may not stand up to you the way that I do, but he also has no real grasp of what might’ve happened this evening if you’d been found out. I pray he never knows. But if he knew a tenth of what I do about your mother’s devious ways, I should hope he would’ve never considered assisting you with this investigation of yours.”

There was no sense in disputing that. Not only was he confident in every word, deep down in the pit of her stomach, she understood that he was correct.

An overwhelming sense of guilt washed over her. She had been so careful to keep the entire operation from him because she knew he’d prevent her from following through. It had never occurred to her that there was a reason for that beyond the fact that he was being overly cautious.

“I apologize for going behind your back, Eli. I shouldn’t have done that. And while I can’t promise that I’ll never do it again, I certainly understand your perspective.” She wrapped her arms around him, and Eli pulled her close.

“I understand your thinking, Kit, and I don’t expect you to make any promises to me. But you must know, any impulsive actions you take may very well end in tragedy. Please, my love, weigh your actions carefully. For everyone’s sake.”

Kit nodded, not exactly sure what to say. She could give her word that she wouldn’t make any more decisions without consulting Eli, but she knew it would be difficult to keep that promise. As much as she respected his opinion, she had a feeling his caution would prevent her from following her own instincts, and if she couldn’t rely on that, then what was the point in ruling the realm in the first place?

He pulled away, and she let him go, hating the tension that had, once again, insinuated itself between them. She felt that hollowness inside of her chest, as she had the last time they’d been at odds with one another, and every other time, for that matter. This time it seemed different, and Kit didn’t want to see him walk away without correcting it. But she knew there would be no fixing it at the moment. It would take a little time, like it always did.

So when he stood and walked away without kissing her, she let him. He bid her good night and disappeared out the door, leaving it ajar for Danyen. Kit was relieved Eli had said nothing else to the other Representative about the choices he’d made in helping her because she didn’t know if she had anything left in her to defend him.

Danyen walked in cautiously, as if he wasn’t sure what he might find. Kit managed a smile, and he sat down on the bed next to her, waiting.

“I apologize for asking you to assist me.” Kit reached over and took his hand. “I didn’t realize it might put you at odds with some of the others.”

“You needn’t apologize, Kit. I made my own choices. I hadn’t considered everything that Eli just disclosed, but he’s correct in mentioning I should have. He seems to be of the belief that your mother is dangerous even to you, and I would’ve never considered that before. Do you think that is the case?”

Kit hadn’t been expecting the question. It was thought provoking, to say the least. Of course, she’d like to think her mother would never do anything to harm her, but she knew that wasn’t true, didn’t she? All of these years, hadn’t she learned to fear the queen like everyone else? Yet, somewhere deep inside, she’d always hoped that, should the circumstances arise, Rona would overcome her own selfish needs and spare her own flesh any cruel punishment. Now, after having spoken to Eli, and truly given the matter consideration, she had to admit the horrific truth. “I do.”

Danyen nodded slowly. “Then I shall do whatever is necessary to ensure you are never in such a circumstance, Princess. Forgive me my reckless behavior.”

She cringed a bit at the mention of one of the words Eli had used to describe their investigation. In all likelihood, Danyen would agree with the other two words as well—foolish, untamable.

“You must be exhausted, Princess, and we shall have to rise soon for the morning meal before the archery contest. You should get some rest.”

He was right. In only a few hours, her ladies would be in to wake her. Her thoughts were running wild, and Kit knew it would be nearly impossible to fall asleep, but she had to at least give it a try. “I’m sorry I don’t have the energy for a pleasuring this evening, Danyen. If I had known how this would affect me, I would’ve given you the opportunity before I left to follow Pierce.”

“No need to apologize, Kit. As much as I would’ve loved to be with you, as I always do, I understand that there will be times when we are together when we must tend to other matters.” He genuinely smiled at her, and Kit appreciated his thoughtfulness.

Danyen leaned over and kissed her cheek before standing and taking his leave. Kit waited until he was gone to bar the door, her hand resting on the warm spot on her flesh where his lips had been, wondering if perhaps she had made the wrong decision and should have kept him there. A yawn sprang free, and she was assured she was correct in trying to rest.

She changed out of the servants clothing and into her nightdress, stashing the uniform back a few paces into the tunnel. If she got the opportunity, she’d return it to Blankka the next day. Otherwise, it might just have to stay there while Kit wrestled with all of the other notions floating around in her mind.

Putting out the lantern, she climbed into bed and tried to sleep, but the image of her mother and Pierce kept coming to mind. How she would ever face either one of them again and pretend she hadn’t seen it was beyond her. Perhaps that was a question for Eli—how did he expect her to keep her thoughts to herself after what she had witnessed? She’d have to figure it out on her own and in the matter of a few hours because if she didn’t, trouble was sure to follow.