Chapter 46

As soon as the door was closed, she turned and buried her face in his shoulder, hot tears splashing against his uniform as she could no longer contain her emotions. He wrapped his arms around her, whispering, “It’ll be all right, Kit. It’ll be all right. Just breathe.” She thought she heard her ladies’ footsteps behind her, but he waved them off, and she continued to sob, gasping for air as images of Jecob’s smiling face flashed before her eyes. Despite some of his less than amicable behavior, she’d already began to bond with the man, and now, his fate was in her hands.

Eli continued to soothe her, and Kit fought to control her breathing and her tears, but just when she thought she had them under control, an image of Jecob as he leaned in to kiss her filled her mind, and she’d find herself gasping for air as another wave of sorrow hit her, leaving her sobbing again. Her knees felt weak, and she took a few steps backward, away from Eli, searching for some place to sit. There were sofas across the room against the wall, but they seemed miles away. She began to wave her hands in front of her face, pacing not sure what to do or where to go, and then another flood of tears broke free. Bending at the waist, her hands pressed to her face, she thought she was about to collapse.

Eli’s arms were around her. He lowered her to the floor, gathering her onto his lap, and cradled her as she continued to cry.

“Jecob,” she said quietly. “Oh, you stupid, stupid man.”

“Catch your breath, Kit.” Eli stroked her hair and she rested her head in the crook of his neck.

“Why did he have to be so foolish?”

“It will be all right.”

She pulled up to look at him now, her mourning turning to anger. “You can say that, but it won’t really, will it? How can it ever be all right again?”

“Kit, you’ll make your plea to the people, and they will spare him.”

“No, they won’t. They’ll want to see him beheaded!” she argued, swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“When their Princess stands before them and makes a request, they will comply.” He sounded quite sure of himself, and Kit actually let out a guffaw, which interrupted her crying. Her nose was running, and she wished she had a handkerchief. Eli produced one from somewhere she didn’t see, and she took it, dabbing at her eyes and nose. “But you need to fight through this, Kit. Get hold of yourself. Because right now, you’re the only one who can save him.”

“Well, then, he had better say a prayer to the goddesses because he will be seeing them shortly.”

“Kit—stop that,” Eli insisted brushing her hair back away from her face. His thumb caressed her cheek, a subtle soothing to her misery. “You will do fine. Just have a little faith in yourself.”

Kit drew in a deep breath, and her whole body shook. She realized for the first time that she was actually sitting on his lap, that his arms were around her. His scent was calming, and even though she knew she’d put herself in a dangerous position, at the moment, she didn’t care. She leaned her head against his shoulder and concentrated on filling her lungs with air as he continued to rub her back, his other arm wrapped protectively around her. “What then?” she asked, once she felt more in control of herself. “What if they do decide he should live? She won’t let him go without punishment. She can’t—she’d look weak.”

“While that is true, I suppose you have to ask yourself what could be worse? Do you think there’s a punishment worse than death?” He scooted back slightly so he was leaning against the wall, and she readjusted her head against his chest.

It wasn’t as easy a question as she would’ve thought. “I suppose there may be some punishments worse, though right now, all I want is to spare him. I don’t know how he would feel about spending years in the dungeon. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard it’s quite horrifying.”

“It is,” he said in a tone that told her he knew first hand. “You could pardon him, though, once you have the throne.”

“That’s true. But who knows how many years that might be. She might cut off his hand or his foot or something awful like that. That’s not worse than death, though, is it?”

“I wouldn’t think so.”

“No, I think I should do all that I can to spare his life.” Kit was resolute with her decision, but then the panic of having to speak to the crowd and convince them came back. “I just don’t know what I can say in order to do that.” She sat up so that she was looking into his emerald green eyes, wishing more of his calmness could ebb into her soul.

“You’ll have all day to think on it. I’m sure it’ll come to you, Kit. Just speak from your heart. Let them know what you think about the law, about how he wasn’t truly trying to harm you, and I’m certain you can convince them. After all, you convinced your mother to give you the opportunity, and that had to be more difficult than what you must do in the morning.”

He had a point, and she almost smiled at the thought. She had been able to find the words when she needed them as she stood before her mother. “Thank you, Eli.” She ran her hand up the front of his uniform, stopping at the collar, just short of touching the warm flesh of his neck. “I wouldn’t have been able to do that without your help. You’ve always had a way of comforting me.”

“I did nothing,” he said dismissively, looking away from her.

She reached up and pulled his chin around to look at her, the bristles of his unshaven jaw rough against her finger. “You have done more for me than you will ever know.” He smiled at her. She reluctantly released him, though he didn’t turn his head this time, and she remembered how unfair she’d been to him recently and had to drop her eyes. “I’m sorry I never welcomed you home properly.”

“That’s all right….”

“No, it’s not. I was… confused. I had just assumed you wouldn’t be here for… for this.” She glanced back up at him and then looked away again. “I thought it might be easier if you weren’t.”

“I wholeheartedly agree,” he replied, and she looked back up to see a tinge of pain in his eyes before he was able to hide it again. “You’ve got some wonderful candidates, though, Kit. Some men who are here for the right reasons. I never thought Jecob was. Perhaps his leaving will allow you time to get to know some of the others, the ones who truly deserve you, if anyone does.”

“There seemed to be some history between the two of you. What did he say yesterday, when you were leaving the slingball field?”

A shadow passed across his face, and she thought she’d asked something she shouldn’t have. She knew at once he wouldn’t tell her.