Chapter 88

Kit spoke to several Representatives on her way back toward the castle. It took her nearly an hour just to walk across the lawn because of the men waiting to have their chance. None of them were men she was particularly fond of, she noted. In fact, plenty of them were on her list for cuts. They were either too self-involved, too shy, did not appeal to her physically, or they seemed to have absolutely nothing in common. Merek stopped her to say he admired how her gown showed off her tits, and she’d simply walked away. What a beast of a man.

At least she’d had the chance to speak to Landon briefly. He hadn’t been one of the men waiting for her, but the slingball went well foul of the area they were playing in, and he was sent to retrieve it. She noted how lovely his light blue eyes were and how handsome he was when he smiled. Kit was looking forward to getting to know the young man from Brendrake even better.

Once she finally made it inside, Kit decided it was time to go see Jecob. It had been several days since his surgery, and she’d been avoiding him because she had no idea what to say to him. But she felt he would need the closure of seeing her before he was sent back to his province. What would become of him, she didn’t know, but she knew for certain he’d never be the pompous woman chaser he was when she’d first met him not that long ago.

Armant, the Royal Physician, was working at his desk, several jars in front of him. He held one up to the light and then set it down before making a note. Seeing him always reminded Kit of her Proem Ceremony. He had joined the staff directly after that, but if he had begun his work here before the ceremony, it would’ve been him to perform it instead of one of her guards. Kit thought back to how nervous she’d been in that moment, when a man she did not know, covered from head to toe so that he wouldn’t be recognized, thrust his manhood inside of her in order to break her barrier. The ceremony dated back to the beginnings of the realm, when the queens decided it should be the Royal Physician who performed such a task so that a noblewoman could enjoy her years of Exploration without becoming too attached to the one man who took her virginity. But with Kit, the Royal Physician had been too old to accomplish the task, so the council had come up with an alternative. Kit would never know who the man was who had been with her during such an important part of her life, but she distinctly remembered feeling comforted by him, as if he were a friend.

“Ah, Princess,” Armant said in his formal tone, “it’s nice to see you.”

Kit broke free of her memories and smiled at the man. “It’s nice to see you as well.” Always curious about medical practices, Kit liked to stop by the infirmary whenever she had a chance, and Armant was quick to teach her anything he could. She’d learned as much about anatomy as possible in the three years he had been there, as well as how to stitch wounds and the importance of being clean and orderly. “I was wondering if I might have a word with Jecobian, if he’s awake and wouldn’t mind seeing me.”

The physician turned and looked over his shoulder. There were a few ill patients on cots back further in the room. Kit recognized one of them as a guard of hers, though she didn’t know his name. He looked like he might have a fever. She’d steer clear of him. Another was an older woman Kit knew from the kitchen. She couldn’t see the others who were reclining completely.

“I am sure he would like to see you,” the physician replied, standing. “I think he will be well enough to travel back to Eastbury in a day or two. He hasn’t had many visitors.”

Kit wasn’t surprised to hear that. She followed along as Armant led her to the beds across the room. Not only were the other Representatives not particularly fond of the braggart, she was certain many of them were having difficulty forgetting what had happened to the first Representative from Eastbury, and many of them probably imagined what it would be like to be in his position. Seeing him would be a reminder of just how fragile each of them could be on the wrong end of Queen Rona’s wrath.

“Jecobian?” Armant called as he approached. Kit could see his handsome face now, though he was turned away from her, and looked white as the sheet he had pulled up to his chin. “The princess is here to see you.”

Jecob turned his head slightly as Armant walked away. He didn’t fully face her, though, and Kit decided perhaps this wasn’t the best idea after all. “I don’t want to disturb you, Jecob. I just wanted to see how you’re doing. Armant said you’re recovering nicely.”

He scoffed then, both eyebrows shooting up, but he didn’t say anything. Kit began to wonder if perhaps his tongue had also been removed.

Kit stood there for a few more moments, her mind flickering to how unbelievably cruel her mother had been. She wanted to apologize—for all of it. For the fact that she hadn’t been able to argue for a more suitable punishment, that she hadn’t been able to prevent his case of tingo from being detected, for the fact that she hadn’t been able to keep him from ever being chosen as one of her Representatives in the first place. How different his life would’ve been if they had never met.

She realized, though, as she looked at him, that she hadn’t come there to see if he was all right. On the contrary, she’d come because she wanted to see if she was all right. Could she face him, knowing she was at least partially responsible for his condition? Would he rather be dead than castrated? Only he could tell her that, and she’d need to ask him if she truly wanted to know because presently Jecob was not volunteering any information.

“I’m so sorry,” she said quietly, and he turned to fully look her in the eyes. “I didn’t know... I didn’t know she’d do something like this. I was trying to help you. But... maybe I didn’t. Maybe I only made things worse. Perhaps I shouldn’t have argued for you.”

His eyes continued to bore through her, and Kit let out a deep breath before turning to go. “Wait.”

The sound of his voice caught her off guard. It was higher than she remembered it, weaker. On the heel of her slipper, she shifted back around so that she was looking at him and noted his hand was stretching for hers now. Taking a step closer to the cot, she slid her hand into his clammy palm. “It is I who should be apologizing, Princess. You must know... I never meant to put you in any danger. I had no idea.”

“I know that,” she assured him, placing her free hand over top of his. “I know you wouldn’t do that, Jecob.” She smiled down at him reassuringly.

He let out a soft sigh and settled back into his pillow a bit. “I will never be the same.” He grew quiet, and she thought he was done speaking. Kit opened her mouth to comment, but then he continued. “But at least I am alive.”

She had her answer then. Despite his begging to be put to death after her mother made the announcement, he was grateful for the outcome. She squeezed his hand gently, relieved to hear it. “You will recover, Jecob. You don’t have to let this ruin your life. There are many things that you can still do.”

He scoffed again, and she knew that was because he enjoyed pleasuring women so much, and he also didn’t feel like himself presently. But she saw that spark in his eyes, the one that had drawn her to him to begin with, and for the first time since the surgery, she believed he could recover. “I thank you for your optimism, Princess.”

“I am certain of it,” she said with a sharp nod. He managed a small smile, and Kit decided it was time to go. Once again, she started to move away from him.

“Will you... tell the commander thank you?” he asked, his voice low. “I know what he did.”

Kit raised an eyebrow but nodded in confirmation. She was glad Jecob recognized Eli had risked everything in an attempt to save his life—even if Eli insisted it was on her account and not Jecob’s. “I will tell him.”

“I hear he’s replaced me.”

“Yes,” Kit replied, though she thought his choice of words weren’t quite right. Eli hadn’t replaced Jecob because the second Representative from Eastbury was a far better candidate than the first had ever been. She would not point that out.

“Good. He’s a good man. You deserve someone like him.”

She wholeheartedly agreed. But there were other good men as well, and such a comment only confused her. So rather than let it flutter around in her mind, she said, “I should go. There’s much to do.”

“Yes, you should. Thank you for stopping by, Princess. I do wish....” Jecob paused, that far off look back in his eyes. “I do wish I’d made better choices before I knew you. There’s so much wrapped up in one little decision we never fully understand until after we’ve already made up our mind. By then, it can be too late.”

His words hit home with her. Choices—good or bad—they were her world right now. “Take care, Jecob.” She leaned down and kissed his cool cheek and then hurried out of the infirmary, but his words went with her, and she was certain she’d hear their echo time and again in the coming days and weeks and months.