Chapter 30 I don't know what I want

Chapter 30 I don't know what I want

I'm worried about Cristian.

I have been pacing for what? 10 minutes. It's almost sun down and I haven't heard any word about him. He could be hurt, dying somewhere. He could've even been taken by the demons and we're just here searching like idiots.

Andrew has been worried about me too. He keeps asking if I am worried about Cristian, I keep saying no because I don't want him feel bad or something.

"Elle you're worried about Cristian." He stated the obvious.

"No I'm not." I lied again.

"You have been pacing for 15 minutes and I know that worried look you have too." Why'd you have be so observant?

I stop pacing and turn to him. "Ok, I am." I look behind him and see Simon coming in. He left to find out about Cristian and from his face it doesn't look good. "Andrew, I'm sorry but can we talk later?"

"Yeah, sure." I was about to walk up to Simon but he stopped me. "Baby, please don't worry too much. I'm sure he's fine." Did he just call me-?

"Yes." Eva answered my question.

"I..I won't."

He nods his head and gives my hand a squeeze before he walks outside. I walk up to Simon and gave him a look asking the obvious question.

"Don't worry he's fine." Relieve immediately wash over me but I still don't understand why Simon has that face.

"Why is your face like that?"

"Most people would just say I'm handsome."

"Simon."

He sighs. "He was with Olivia all day." And just like that I am not so happy.

I mean why would I be upset? I sent him away. I turned to Andrew and it looks like I made the right decision. But it doesn't change the way how I feel about him. I still love him.

"Cristian has his demons to handle and that was not a pun. But I think you should talk to him."

"Why?"

"Because as much as he turns people away he'll always let you in no matter what happens between you two." He looks at me desperately. "He's my family Elle and I care about him and you're the only one that can get through to him."

"Simon are you sure you're not just here because you don't like Olivia?"

"Correction, I hate her. And no, he is actually not him self. He's a worst dickhead than he usually is."

Considering the look on his face it must be really bad. "Fine." I need to see him any way.

~~~~

I'm currently back at the castle. It's kind of weird being back here and it feels like I don't belong here anymore.

Before I left I told Andrew I was leaving and he told me to be careful, but he didn't look too happy about it. He was with the beta, Chris and it was kind of awkward remembering that night. We didn't say anything to each other and just avoided eye contact. I didn't see Emma either but remembering what happened between us she is last person I want to see.

Simon is taking me up to Cristian's bedroom because he barely comes out. I have been hesitant because I am afraid of what I might see.

Simon knocks on the door and 10 seconds later the door is opened by a messy red head in lingerie. I roll my eyes and look away. I looked down the hall like I saw something interesting.

"Olivia." Simon said with distaste.

She totally ignored him and turned to me. "I see you're back."

I looked back at her with a fake smile and said, "Not for long. I just need to talk to Cristian."

"He's in his office. I had to force him out of bed and let him do some work. Sex won't fix his problems." She smiled at me. I can see fake bitch smile written all over it. "But it did last night and most of the day today." She continued.

I just wanted to wipe that snarky little smile off her face. I was about to make a comment but Simon beat me to it.

"We don't need to hear about your play time Olivia. Just crawl back up in that rat hole of yours and play with your self for all I care."

Simon grabbed my hand and lead me towards Cristian's office.

"I can see why you hate her."

"Thank you."

Simon opened Cristian's door without knocking and pushed me in. Before I could run back out the son of a bitch locked me in.

Too much embarrassment today Elle, I told myself. I sighed and turned around. He was sitting at his desk, he didn't have his suit jacket on and his dress shirt was open four buttons down. He's drinking Bourbon, from the bottle on his desk.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he pours another drink.

"I was worried about you." I said as I walked up to his desk.

He laughs at my statement. "That's a first."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

He takes a large gulp of his drink and says, "Think about it. Have you ever really cared about me? You sure you just didn't get caught up with all the things I could give you. It is a nice castle."

Am I hearing this right? "You think I used you?" He just shrugged. "How dare you. I didn't ask to come here. You allowed me to stay no, you insisted that I should stay. I said yes, because why not? Everything goes great until you decided to fool around with me when you already had a fiancè!"

"I stopped it because it's not right. Love or not, I am not that kind of person nor will I ever be." I looked at him with anger and pain. How dare he say I don't care about him? "And don't you ever say I don't care about." Here comes the water works.

He comes up to me with his vampire speed and concern over his face now and regret. I looked him the face, with tears pooling down. "I have always cared about you. Cristian I love you." I whispered. A smile grows on his face and he puts his hand on my cheek.

"Elle I-" I know what he is going to say but I cut him off.

"But... I'm falling in love with someone else." His smile was gone and he drops his hands from my face.

I don't even know where that came from. I knew I liked him but falling in love? Andrew.

"Andrew." He stated.

I nod my head confirming. He slowly rise his hand and wiped my tears with his thumb. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Don't be." He drop his hand and walk back to his desk and drank the rest of his drink. "I shouldn't have said that to you. I was upset and I took it out on you."

"Why?"

"My father wants me to marry Olivia as soon as possible."

"Why the rush?"

"He won't say. I just have to marry her before the war."

I don't like that man. He gives me the creeps. Why does he even want them to marry so soon?

"So that's why Simon said you were a worst dickhead than usual."

"Yeah I might of told him a few things."

"He cares about you, you know."

"I love the guy and I know I don't show it  but I do. It's just that I have my demons, and that was not a pun, and I take it out on him."

"Funny, Simon said something similar." They're closer than they realize.

We moved on and talked about the war coming. They heard some things back from some of his men he had watching some of the demons and two came back. He sent seven of them. He also promised to be at the meeting tomorrow.

I was about to leave the office but I stopped to thank him. "I want to thank you for not calling off the deal with.... my pack."

"I made a promise to you Elle. No matter what happens, I will always protect to you."

I appreciate that he's there for me. That's one of the reason I love him. I smiled one last time before leaving. I found Simon  in the kitchen with Daniel eating chips. He looked over at me and said something to Daniel. Daniel nodded and looked at me with a smirk.

"Hey babe. Miss me?"

Simon walked over to me. "What did you say to him?"

"Nothing. I just told him I was walking you back to the pack land. It's just Daniel being Daniel."

"Don't worry cupcake. It's all me, all magic baby."

Simon and I starts walking out the kitchen. Simon shouts, "Give it up Daniel."

"You know I'm the girls Daddy!" He shouts back.

"Oh my god." I said to myself.

We walk out the castle and I start taking off my clothes.

"What are you doing?"

"I never said I was walking." I smirk and shifted into my wolf form.

Eva finally felt free and stretched her limbs. I looked up at Simon and he was looking at me weird. I turn my head questioningly.

"Your markings. Their gone."

Should I worry about that. How long have they been gone?

I don't think about it too much and run off before notifying Simon.

"Hey!"

I howled in excitement and to my surprise I heard a few howling coming from the pack land. I ran faster towards my home.

It didn't take long for me to reach the pack lands. Simon gave me my clothes I took off and left. I  didn't see anyone when I got back so I went straight to Andrew's room. I quietly opened the door and tip toed in the room.

He is sleeping so I went the bathroom and got cleaned up quietly. I slowly climb in the bed and relaxed as I laid down. I felt his arm snake around my waist and he pulled me closer.

"Your back." He whispered half asleep. "I missed you." He put his head at the crook of my neck and inhaled my scent.

I put my fingers between his and  caressed his finger with my thumb. It felt so good laying here with him. I want to savor the moment. I closed my eyes and whispered,

"I'm here."