Chapter 18

Flora’s P.O.V

Early next morning, I got a surprise visit from my brother before I could head off to school.

“Hey, do you have a minute?” Riley asked as he knocked on my door, his mop of dirty blonde hair sticking to his forehead as perspiration beaded his forehead. Looks like he had been out on patrol duty.

“Riles? Why are you even asking that? Come on in.” I called out as I placed the book I’ve been reading on the nightstand and scooted back against the headboard to make space for him to sit.

“How are you doing, chubby?” Riley smiled as he pinched my cheek before taking a seat at the foot of my bed. “Why don’t you come visit me in the pack house with mom and dad?”

“Because it’s the pack house!” I told him as I rubbed my cheeks with a frown on my face. When was he going to get rid of his stupid nickname? I did not have chubby cheeks anymore. “The Alpha, the current beta and all the soldiers live there with their families. I don’t like being near them.”

I didn’t add that it was too much power in one place for me to handle. As a healer, I was sensitive to the shifts of power in the environment, even Riley’s power as a beta was a pulse against my skin while Clay’s strength burned even brighter. If I ever went to the main pack house, it would be an onslaught to my senses which would result in a ginormus headache.

Riley nodded his head as if he understood before his expression turned solemn. My heart sank in my chest as I guessed at what he was about to tell me even before he spoke. “We need to talk about Clay, chubby. I know he was here last night.”

The impact still hit me hard, even though I knew what my brother did. “You’re keeping tabs on me.” It wasn't a question.

“I’m doing what’s necessary to keep you safe, but that’s not the point.” Riley shook his head before pinning me with his blue-gold gaze. “You of all people should know that he’s nothing but trouble. I shouldn’t have to remind you of that.”

“It’s nothing to worry about,” I told Riley quietly. “He was here because he was injured and he didn’t want anyone else to know, especially Jessica.”

“He got what he deserved, but the bastard just used it as an excuse to weasel his way into your room!” Riley snapped out through gritted teeth.

I looked up at him sharply as I understood what he was implying. “You!” I accused. “You were the reason he got hurt! What the hell, Riley! Why would you do that?”

Startled at my sudden outburst, Riley looked at me as if seeing me for the first time. I continued to stare him down without breaking eye contact. I wasn't about to lie down and accept whatever Riley or Clay tell me to do because they thought I was some pretty hothouse flower that needed constant care. I was a twenty years old wolf healer; I damn well wasn't a baby anymore.

“You’ve developed a spine.” Riley told me in the ensuring quiet. “Good. It’ll make me worry less. But you need to stay away from Clay, Flora. He’s not good enough for you.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s just trying to sleep with you!” Riley snapped. “And once he’s done that, he’ll just toss you away like you don’t even matter to him!”

I felt my cheeks colour at the words Riley used and then I heard him sucking in a deep breath. Whatever he’d seen in my expression, I must have given myself away because when I looked up to meet his eyes, they were wide with shock and realization. “Did he...?” he whispered as I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself. I didn’t need to answer his question; it was too personal.

“Are you his mate?” Riley asked out of the blue, but I should’ve expected that question.

I took a shaky breath to clear my mind before I answered. “We’ll know about that in a few months.” I tried to keep my voice steady but my hands were trembling.

How many times had I thought of the same thing? How many nights did I lie wide awake, dreading Clay’s twenty eighth birthday? At first, it had just been a thought at the back of my mind, but after yesterday I had no doubt in my mind that what I felt for Clay was nothing tame, nothing normal, but the truth remained that I wasn't his mate, I didn’t feel that earth shattering connection to him that defined a mating bond, that joined two wolves together for eternity, body, mind and soul.

And as soon as Clay turned twenty eight, that same earth shattering bond is going to connect him to someone else, someone that I can never compete or compare with and I’d be left with this gaping hole in my heart where Clay was supposed to be. At least that’s how it will be for eight more years until I too, turn twenty eight and find my own mate. Eight years that would be filled with agony as I would have to watch Clay move on in his life with someone else.

“Stop seeing him, chubby.” Riley spoke quietly as he placed a hand to my cheek. “He’s going to turn twenty eight soon and as far as I’ve heard, the mating bond is very strong. I don’t want to see you hurt if this doesn’t work out, Flora and trust me; I know how it feels like to get your heart broken by someone you care about.”

His eyes had a rim of gold around the edges as he stared down at me and I knew that Riles was concerned about my well being, that his protective instincts were rubbing off against his senses. If he could, he’d probably have wrapped me up in cotton wool and stored me in a jar on the very top shelf so no one could reach me, but that would also mean I’d be caged for the rest of my life. I knew I wasn't exactly a submissive wolf, but I wasn't dominant either. My dominance was low enough to be considered a submissive and that’s why people have always treated me like I might be made of clay.

Clay.

I don’t care who the Gods have chosen for me, but I’ll defy them all to be with you. Remember that, Flora.

I shivered, remembering his words from last night. Was he really serious about what he said? I don’t think so, because if he was then he just might be talking about something that shouldn’t even be possible. It was considered blasphemy to even think about rejecting a mate, a gift sent by the Moon Goddess, Selene herself.

The implications of Riley’s words became more and more clear in my mind. He was right. What would I get out of this relationship that wasn't even a real relationship? Only pain and heartbreak. So why was I torturing myself like this anyways? There was still time. If I pull back now then my heart could still survive.

“Okay.” I told Riley and saw him breathe a sigh of relief. “I won’t see him again.”

“It’s for the best, chubby.” Riley assured and I nodded.

“I know.”

I did know. But my heart didn’t want to listen to reason. Which is why, as Riley left my room to go say hi to mom and dad; I made myself come to a firm decision. To close off my heart to Clay forever.

It was the only way I was going to survive this.