WORRYING SITUATION

Things seem to be difficult when you have only one choice, but they are even more difficult and complicated when you are torn between two hard choices. In a situation like mine, you feel totally confused and lost. I do not know which way to go. Each choice has consequences, and they are both equally dangerous. Fighting for my freedom, or running away from this captivity, means endangering my life in case my paths cross with Ejay again in the future. That would be the end of me. If I choose the other choice, I will have sold my soul to the devil and accepted the possibility of being a slave forever. I am so drained from thinking and weighing the two options. I am so tired of trying to make up my mind because the fear has crept in. The fear of what awaits me after the trip I am taking tomorrow The fear of losing in the end. I am so weighed down, but I have to keep going. Maybe the first thing I need before making a decision is a change of scenery. A new environment will help me clear my mind, hopefully.

I walk in to the dark room that used to be my room in the Wells club and now my changing room. I thought I would get a day off to prepare for the trip, but this monster did not permit me. So tonight, in an hour, I will be on stage again, entertaining his partners in crime. How I wish I could say goodbye forever to this horrible place. How I wish God could show me even a little light to give hope to my wandering soul and troubled mind. I should be excited about the vacation ahead, not beating myself up like this. I was a nervous wreck about asking for permission for this trip, and I thought I would relax after Ejay granted me permission, but I was wrong. I am not nervous, but worried. God, where are you?

"Shouldn't you be happy right now? You will be out of here for a few days." Nora speaks, closing the door behind her.

I am glad she is here. I wanted to come early and have a little chat with her, but the packing delayed me more than I had intended. One week is a long time to be away from someone you have grown fond of, and Nora is one of the few people I will miss. I turn to give her a hug, but, oh, my God!

"What happened to you, Nora?" I walk to her, looking at her red cheeks. And her neck? Jesus Christ! Who was struggling with her? "Who did this?"

"Well, it's a client. I was unfortunate yesterday night to fall into the hands of a BDSM beast who was in pain. I couldn't bear it. It was hell. In my attempt to plead with him to stop, I got this instead." She points to her face. "He added more pain. I was dying of pain while he was enjoying himself."

"Jesus! I am so sorry." I give her a slight hug because I feel like her whole body is aching too. These wretched devils! They don't even have sympathy, and they do not care. They are worse than animals.

"I am so fed up, Gia. This is too much."

"Hey, you can't give up now, Nora. Hang on. You are not the type to give up. Just hold on, please."

"To what, Gia? What am I holding on to? There is no hope here. Nobody will ever come to rescue us; I have let go of that hope. The only thing left for us is death. So what is the point of enduring all this pain? It's better to end it all."

"No, Nora! Come on! Don't think like that. The Savior might still be on the way. Please hang on."I plead, my heart feeling so heavy with what she is insinuating.

"I have lost all hope." I hugged her again and pulled away to look at her. I thought she was strong; no, she really was strong, but I think even the strongest people have their "too much".

There is an end to everything. That point where everything seems to be working against you and you can't do anything That point where you feel everything is falling apart and you have no way of stopping them. That point where you feel all is gone with the wind, and you have no way of regaining it again. That point when you feel empty, broken, and hopeless. For Nora to be like this, I can't even imagine what she went through. I even feel ashamed to tell her to hold on, because I don't know what I am telling her to hold on to. Telling her that things will be alright sounds like empty words. But what else can I tell her?

"You know what, Gia?" She speaks, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Call it childish or stupid, but if I were you, I would not return to this place."

Even her? She shares the same thoughts with Mayleen. Could this be my only chance to save myself?

"Hey, let's not talk about me. Rest here, okay? I will go talk to Ejay to allow you to rest, even just for tonight."

"Don't bother. He will not agree."

"Trust me on this one. Just rest. I will be back soon." I walk her slowly to bed and pull the covers.

"Gia." She calls when I turn to leave, and I turn to her. She looks pale and tired. The pain must be too much.

"Yes?"

"Take care, okay? Always be careful with Ejay. He cannot be trusted." I rub her gently on the shoulder and give her a smile, which she returns with a very weak one.

"Just rest, okay? Don't worry about me."

"Okay." She closes her eyes, and I walk out to go talk to Ejay. If only I had a way to take away her pain, if only I could ease her sorrow, I would. But what can I do? I am powerless.

I budge into Ejay's office with a lot of distress and a sunken heart. I never thought I would ever see my friend in such a condition, so hopeless and tired. "Are you okay?" Ejay asks, standing from his chair to walk to me. I give him a hug. He will be my boyfriend in just eight days, so I should start getting used to the couple's things as early as now. I give him a kiss too, and he holds me in his hands while he sits on his desk. "You look worried. What is it?"