12

RIAN POV

My father took me with him in his vintage car and since he didn't live far from us, I decided to just walk home from him afterwards.

I didn't think much of working from home or leaving documents there, since Senan had eroded all the trust I had in him with one action, and since my father actually still held everything in his hands anyway, I also confronted myself not the question why he needed me so late, but I would have preferred to stay with Keeva.

"How's that little gypsy?" my father suddenly spoke to me stupidly from the side as we pulled into his driveway and I immediately looked over at him, slightly annoyed.

"Her name is Keeva," I replied, trying not to let it show that I was extremely bothered by the way he was talking about her. The contempt in his voice could hardly be overheard and at that moment aroused a hatred in me that was completely unknown to me.

He looked at me thoughtfully and then got out, shaking his head, which I did as well. But before we could go inside, my cell phone vibrated and I pulled it out of my pocket to find, surprised, that it was Odran.

"Yes?"

"Are you with dad?”

"Yeah, why? Is something wrong with Keeva?" I asked at first, worried and surprised myself that she suddenly took over my entire mind. My father only gave me a warning look when I asked my question and I knew very well that he was just as surprised as I was.

"Not exactly...", Odran murmured and I took a few steps away from my father to be able to speak openly.

"Now finally spit it out!"

"It's all good. She just said you had business to do and looked like she was crying. I thought-"

"She was crying? Why was she crying?" I raised my voice and suddenly had the bitter thought that it was my fault. I was so used to not showing my feelings, but not used to it hurting others. Most of the people around me knew about my lack of emotion and had learned to deal with it, but they didn't, and for the first time I felt something like a bad conscience that caused a very uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

I wasn't allowed to feel such things!

"How am I supposed to know that?!", I heard Odran on the cell phone, but I hung up immediately and turned to my father.

"I have to go. We can do what you were planning to do tomorrow," I explained myself and was about to go to sort out my feelings when his excited voice came from behind me.

"Don't forget who you are and who got you this far!"

I turned to him again, confused.

"What's your problem?! Just because I say we can do it tomorrow???", I slowly wanted to know angrily at everything and ran towards him again.

"You've never left me, Rian!! Never! And as soon as that trailer girl shakes through-"

I stepped close to him and for the first time in my life I felt the need to put a gun to my own father's head.

I experienced many firsts that day and felt like I was a prisoner of myself. But no matter how upset I was, I knew one thing for sure, and that was that no one had the right to talk about my wife like that.

"Just dare and keep talking," I warned him softly and fixed his eyes, which looked at me in shock.

"Are you aware of what you're doing?" he asked, and I had to admit that I probably really went too far, but I couldn't contain the anger myself, even if my reaction seemed overdone.

I mean how long have I known the little one..

But even time didn't change the fact that it hurt me to know that she cried and it hurt even more that I was the trigger.

"I'll go now and we'll sort out the rest in the morning," I breathed decisively and he just looked at me coldly.

"Yes we will!"

I was walking down the street and had to collect myself. It couldn't go on like this. If she was already throwing my feelings into such chaos and even making me turn against my father, then I'd have to think of something. My head had to stay focused, especially in times like these when I had more enemies than friends and when every day could be my last.

Maybe I should dissolve the marriage... but could I...

KEEVA POV

Completely wounded, I stared at Rian, who suddenly stood behind me in the sand and eyed me sympathetically...

I quickly turned my gaze away from him and stared at the sea while I felt his intense gaze on my back and closed my eyes.

I heard him take several breaths to say something, but not a word escaped his lips and it made me more than nervous not knowing what he wanted from me.

If he was back so early, maybe his father had told him how snotty I was with him and now I was going to get a lecture for it...

"Why did you cry?" he then asked in a calm voice and I immediately opened my eyes again and turned to him again.

"I didn't cry," I defended myself, remembering what Odran had said.

Your look speaks volumes.

I quickly avoided his eyes again and was about to get up to escape this situation, but then he sat down next to me in the sand... so close that our legs touched lightly and I jumped from it barely noticeably.

He didn't say anything more and when I glanced at him he was gazing thoughtfully into the darkness in front of us, looking just beautiful.

My god Keeva!

I averted my eyes again, telling myself to stare at him so longingly.

"If you did cry, and if it was because of me, then I want you to know that that wasn't my intention," he explained calmly and I just rolled my eyes, overwhelmed. He shouldn't think it was because of him. Shouldn't think I've fallen for him already, so I pulled myself together, trying to look at him as blankly as possible while taking a deep breath.

"It wasn't because of you, I'm just homesick," I tried to talk myself out of it, and when he just looked at me for a long time and I slowly got incredibly hot again just from his gaze, I wanted to change the subject quickly.

"And why are you here again?"

"My father didn't need me after all," he replied coolly, and then flopped onto his back in the sand. It would have been nice if he had come back for me, but I seemed to be asking too much.

Disappointed, I let my head fall back onto my knees and then held my breath when, quite unexpectedly, I felt his hand on my back...

He stroked up and down again and again very gently and calmly and I closed my eyes with a tingling in my whole body to enjoy this moment, because who knew how quickly it would end again.

***

It took a while before he got up again and I just stared at him lost in thought...

He was standing right in front of me and didn't seem quite there himself right now, but I already missed his hand on my back, which I tried to ignore.

"Let's go in," he said into the silence and I glanced up at him briefly before shaking my head. I didn't want to sleep, I was still too upset for that.

"I'm staying here," I replied, but he just grabbed my hand and pulled me up to my feet with a jerk.

"I don't feel good about leaving you alone here," he explained seriously, but I just had to smile wryly, which made him glare at me angrily.

"You have a _feeling_?" I then asked in exaggerated theadrality, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't know that something like that existed in you!"

He let go of my hand and stared at me in disbelief.

"What's your problem? Your mother will be helped and you have everything you need here!", he got louder and ran his hands through his black hair.

"What's my problem?" I got louder and stood right in front of him. "I put on this stupid dress, making a fool of myself in front of people I don't even know just to do you a favor. I spend hours learning some shitty names and then I get insulted and abandoned! That's my problem!" yelled I looked at him and couldn't hold back my tears.

He swallowed hard and avoided my gaze to look out to sea while I was already shaking slightly from anger.

"I'm not used to it," he whispered into the silence, then looked at me again.

"What? That people complain about you?!"

"That I lose myself!" he said loudly and took a step towards me. "Keeva, you're making my life more complicated than it already is and the worst part isn't that you're doing it, it's how I deal with it! I can't do it!"

He was about to flee again, just now that he was finally able to say what was on his mind, but I no longer allowed myself to escape from his own feelings.

With tears streaming down my cheeks, I grabbed his shirt and he turned back to me in a huff.

"If you leave now, I'll get a gun and then you can choose whether I should shoot you straight in your cold heart or your head!"

He looked at me in shock, but suddenly a smile tugged at his lips, which I tried to ignore because I wanted to keep being angry with him.

"Just tell me what's so bad about me. Please, Rian. I'm trying to do everything right and it still doesn't seem good enough..."

His gaze instantly became sympathetic again and he carefully placed his hand on my cheek to gently wipe away my tears, causing small lightning bolts to race through my entire body.

"You shouldn't doubt yourself," he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear while I enjoyed the feeling of his closeness and all my anger seemed to have evaporated.

"And you shouldn't doubt yourself," I said boldly, and he looked at me questioningly. "I know what you're up to and what you're thinking. I'm not stupid, Rian."

His gaze fell briefly on my lips, which again only proved to me that I was right in what I said. He wanted me, felt something just like me, only he wouldn't let him for reasons I couldn't understand.

"You have no idea what I'm really thinking, Keeva," he breathed close to the skin of my cheek and then looked deep into my eyes. "You're going to make me weak, you're already doing that and I don't know how to defend myself anymore."

His words triggered so many things in me at the same time. There was the relief that I could touch him in a way, and at the same time the worry that he might be right and that I was really making him weak.

"Maybe I can make you stronger, too," I whispered, barely audible, and in the same instant, he grabbed my waist and pulled me close, placing his lips on mine demandingly.

Completely overwhelmed by his warmth, I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt his tongue nudge my lips to gain entrance and then as I parted my lips slightly he pulled me into a kiss so passionate that I meant it, I would lose the ground under my feet...

His hand slowly wandered up my side and arrived at my neck, he grabbed a little harder and in his demanding way a soft moan escaped into his mouth, whereupon he broke away from me briefly to look into my eyes with passion.

"Maybe you really can," he breathed and effortlessly lifted me into his arms, which made me smile and look into his eyes.

He carried me back along the beach to the stairs and then ran me up them, my heart beating faster and faster with excitement at what he was about to do.

Suddenly everything was forgotten... I didn't think about how I cried because of him, nor about how angry I was just a moment ago. I only saw him, his beautiful eyes and enjoyed the intimacy that developed between us after this conversation.

Finally I really knew that it wasn't my imagination but that he really needed to hold back and I finally knew why he was doing it.

I would become a weak point...

"That's a sight," Senan grinned at us from the dining table when he saw me on Rian's arms and I immediately recognized a fleeting grin on Odran's face, who was sitting at the table with his brother and stroking Nero.

"Shut up," Rian said to him, but I heard something like joy in his voice, which made my cheeks blush.

"It's all a matter of time," I heard Senan call after us as we ran up the stairs and I snuggled even closer to his strong chest, smiling contentedly.

Until we entered his bedroom and I widened my eyes in disbelief.....

What was he up to?