25
What a damn crap!
Before I could even react to anything, I watched in horror as Rian grabbed his brother's collar and slammed him full force against the window behind him.
I thought at any moment the glass would just give and shatter, but it didn't.
"What a fucking prick you are, doing shit like that with my wife!" Rian yelled in a menacing voice, grabbing Senan's neck, which made him want to fight back, but he didn't stand a chance.
"Stop it!" I chimed in loudly, feeling my heart pounding painfully against my ribs while my hands were already shaking with excitement and fear. "Rian!"
I tugged hard at his arm, but he didn't even notice me, like I wasn't even there...
"You're bottling it up with Jake too?! Plus when I'm not in the house!!!!"
As he got louder and angrier, I turned to Odran in desperation, but he only avoided my gaze and didn't even try to separate the two. Bugger me!
"I wanted to drink!!! He has absolutely nothing to do with it!", I yelled on the verge of tears, since Rian was already pressing his arm against Senan's neck with far too much pressure, so that he was wedged and only gasped for air.
"Rian!"
"Keeva! Stay out of this!" he growled menacingly without even looking at me. "Odran, take her upstairs immediately!"
Stunned by this situation, which seemed far too exaggerated to me, I held my breath and wanted to throw myself between the two, but felt Odran's hand on my arm, which I immediately threw away, overwhelmed.
"No! You send me-"
I was interrupted as Odran reached out for me again, but this time I couldn't get rid of his hand on my upper arm, causing me to thrash wildly to somehow free myself.
"Rian! Listen to me at least once!", I screamed with a trembling voice and meanwhile the first tears of desperation ran down my cheeks, while Odran kept pulling me towards the stairs and Senan's glassy eyes were on mine.
He certainly wouldn't be punished for my foolishness!
"You know what!" I hissed angrily and yanked myself away from Odran one last time with all the strength I had left. "You don't have to punish anyone here! Especially not him! I went to his room and I was drinking and it's all your fault anyway!"
For the first time since he'd grabbed Senan, Rian glared at me with anger. My blood almost froze when he looked at me, but I held his gaze anyway and wiped my tears away.
"You hurt me, Rian! I drank because I wanted to out of disappointment and not because Senan wanted to fill me up. Also, I wasn't in the pool because of you, or him, or Jake, but because I was hot and I was one needed a cool down! If anyone is to blame for this situation, it's me!"
Rian only hesitantly let go of Senan, who first put both hands on his neck and gasped for air while Rian looked at me as if there was no feeling left. As if the cold had completely taken hold of him again, which sent a pang through my rapidly beating heart.
My tears made their way down my flushed cheeks again, but he didn't come forward to comfort me.
"You think I care that you've been drinking?!" he growled at me, fixing me in a way that sent chills down my spine. "It's about the fact that I explicitly said that I don't want to see Jake here anymore! I don't expect anything else from Senan," he explained and glanced at Senan for a moment, who still had his hands on his neck to calm him down would have. "But from you, Keeva, I would have expected you to tell me something like that."
His voice cracked towards the end and that showed me only too clearly how disappointed he was and I could even understand it. I probably wouldn't have reacted any differently if Odran had told me that Pirina had been drinking with Rian while I was gone.
When Rian was about to turn to the front door, I ran towards him and put my hand on his arm, but he took a step away from me and just kept walking.
"Don't just run away!" I called after him and immediately he turned around and came towards me to put his face right in front of mine. I saw the disappointment in the deep grey-blue, recognized exactly what a storm was raging inside him and held my breath from the tension.
"You should be glad I'm leaving, because you'd like all the other options even less!"
He fixed my tear-filled eyes for a fleeting moment before turning away abruptly and disappearing out the door.
And now I couldn't hold back my tears at all. I held my trembling hands to my face, sobbing to myself, and suddenly felt an arm around my shoulder.
Ashamed, I looked up at Odran, who smiled pityingly, and immediately I clutched the tall one, crying into his dark shirt while he stroked my back soothingly.
The worst part was that I really felt like shit. I should have told him Jake was here right after we talked about the guards, but I just wanted to protect Senan from another confrontation...
"It'll be fine," I heard Odran say when I just couldn't stop crying against his chest and when Senan suddenly raised his voice, Odran tensed his entire upper body.
"He's just exaggerating," Senan said and Odran immediately let go of me to run towards his brother.
"Shut up! You know exactly what happened in this house because of your damn alcohol and drugs! Get your life back on track!"
Odran grabbed Senan by the collar and together they disappeared upstairs while I sat numbly on the couch and stared at the door like a lunatic.
He would surely be right back...
I kept saying that to myself as Nero settled down next to me and I stroked his soft fur.
"He'll be back," I sobbed to myself, looking down at Nero, who was staring at the door just as sadly as I was.
****
I've been sitting on this couch for two whole hours, staring back and forth between the front door and the clock on the wall.
The ticking drove me almost insane, but I didn't want to leave here under any circumstances, because he could be back at any moment.
Luckily the tears had at least stopped and it made it easier for me to breathe, but still I just felt like shit.
No wonder...
How many times had he mentioned that he didn't want me to drink with Senan... I did anyway.
"Um, Kev?" Odran suddenly snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked questioningly at him as he stood next to the kitchen island, looking a little unsure for the first time.
"Yes?" I breathed softly, whereupon he nervously ran his hand through his hair, causing me to take a deep breath.
What would come now?!
"Well, I know it's not the best situation," he began, looking at me thoughtfully. "But I wanted to ask if you still make the muffins?"
Are you fucking serious?
I stared at him in confusion for some time and when I really felt that it had taken a lot of effort for him to even ask me, I got up after a while of silence and walked straight towards him.
"But you help me!"
To my surprise, he nodded and I took a quick look at the dough, which I thought was still okay.
Then everything just went according to plan.
Basically, I gave the seven-foot-tall one task after another and the muffins were ready in less time than I could see, and I didn't even have to lift a finger.
"Mhhhh", I just heard Odran enjoy when he tried the first one and I already had to smile. He was really a funny fellow. On the one hand a charisma that you didn't want to mess with him, on the other hand he let me boss him around and baked muffins.
Mafia through and through...
"You know," he suddenly started a conversation when he had already eaten three muffins. "You don't have to worry at all. Any idiot knows why you hid it and Rian won't blame you for sure."
"I hope so," I answered him dejectedly and cleaned up the kitchen at the same time.
"And I know it," he replied shortly and succinctly, grabbing the next muffin, whereupon I gave him a warning look.
"You know these are for your brothers too," I let him know with a raised eyebrow, but he just shrugged.
"They don't deserve it."
When he then grinned stupidly, I had to grin automatically, but inside I was still trapped in my insecurity and stared at the wall clock again, lost in thought.
"Would you like me to put you on a movie?" Odran asked sympathetically at my wistful look, but I immediately shook my head no and walked back to the couch.
"But it would be nice if you could go out with Nero."
He nodded as a matter of course and then whistled for Nero, in order to immediately disappear across the terrace to the outside.
I sat down on the couch again and lay on my side to wait out the next few hours with a view of the front door.
The time passed and completely in my own thoughts, I only noticed in passing how Odran and Senan kept visiting the kitchen. They were probably getting something to eat or drink, but I didn't look over. I just didn't care...
And all of a sudden I frowned and got up to sit cross-legged.
How crazy was I? I totally let myself go here for someone I hadn't even known a week...
I shook my head in disbelief and didn't even know if I was normal anymore. Maybe I was slowly losing my mind, after all, a lot of crazy things had happened over the last few days...
When I suddenly heard a key in front of the front door, my entire body tensed and I watched with bated breath as Rian entered the house and closed the door behind him.
He looked just as battered as I did, like he hadn't slept in days, and when his eyes met mine there was a moment of silence, as if our eyes had stopped time, but not a word escaped my lips.
I wish I could have said so many things to him. First and foremost, that I was sorry and that I didn't want to betray him. But I also wanted to blame him for just leaving, for leaving me alone.
And also that I hated feeling so attached to him that he had the power to control my mood...
After seeing him too having no idea where to start, I hesitantly got up off the couch and stood stunned. We are only a few meters apart, but it seemed much further to me...
I let my eyes wander over his, showing me both regret and pain. Looked further down at his white shirt stretched taut against his chest and then took a deep breath when my eyes suddenly fell on the single red rose he was holding.
She was beautiful...
"I should have told you right away," I blurted out apologetically and took a step toward him, but he held up his hand, making me stop nervously.
"I've learned for years to stay calm in situations that challenge my feelings, but with you, I just can't do it," he said completely calmly and looked at me as if he were just showing his innermost being to the outside. "You drive me crazy Keeva. I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I get so angry just thinking about other men getting close to you and it doesn't give a damn if it's my brother or a stranger. It's scary because I don't know how to control it."
I looked at him in amazement and didn't know what to say, but that wasn't necessary because he kept talking.
"I really rarely ask for anything, but I ask that you trust me and respect me, and by that I mean that you also tell me the things that make you uncomfortable or scared. I have everything I have I told you I was completely serious. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to be hurt either, and your decision not to tell me about last night really hurt me."
"I know," I breathed in embarrassment, briefly avoiding his gaze to take a deep breath. "But please believe me, I didn't hide anything from you in order to hurt you or betray you. I just didn't want to escalate again. There have been too many of those the last few days."
"And I'm sure there will be many more in the future," he suddenly said to my words and I looked him in the eye again. "But there's always that. That's my life. The difference with you is that I want you by my side. That I want us to be one, even when everything is falling apart around us. I want you blindly Trust and you're the first person I'm willing to take the risk of getting hurt again unconditionally."
I lost myself in his gaze, admiring the beautiful color of his irises until a smile formed on his lips and he picked up the rose.
"Is all this acceptable to you?"
Completely overwhelmed by his openness and amazed at the extent to which he confided in me, my heart leapt and I felt that breath-taking tingling in my whole body again, which I urgently needed after that day.
"Acceptable," I breathed quietly and as quickly as I could I covered the last few meters between us to jump into his arms with a smile. "More than acceptable!"
