258 His Feelings of Anguish
The doll knocked Su Lenghan's cap off his head. He didn't move to pick up his cap and instead stared at the doll that had fallen to the ground.
He'd sent it to her, but he didn't even know why he wanted to. Perhaps deep down, he merely wanted to see her. Perhaps he wanted to do something so that he wouldn't feel this endless misery in his heart.
The doll rolled around on the ground. It was just like a heart—cast to the side of the road, with no one bothering to pick it up.
Su Lenghan stiffly stood rooted to the ground. He allowed the cold winter winds to blow across his face. The wind blasted so hard that his face hurt. He seemed to be unaware of it, but his gaze kept falling on the doll.
He scoffed in self-mockery. When Yun Bixue was by his side, he truly hadn't been sincere and didn't cherish her.
It wasn't that he didn't know what she liked. He knew. She would always stare lovingly at this little piggy doll every single time she passed by it. How could he not know? He merely ignored her intentionally.
Perhaps she had been neglected so much that she would never cry nor throw a fit. She showed her understanding. As time passed, he took it for granted. Eventually, he completely ignored her.
Thinking back, he really understood too little about Yun Bixue's preferences.
On the other hand, when he was together with Meng Xinyan, he started their relationship by willingly putting in the effort. In the end, the more he contributed, the less he received in return. He then grew increasingly drained by this relationship, and couldn't even discern his true feelings anymore.
Eventually, Meng Xinyan's demands grew harsher and harsher. He had to give her the best clothes, food, housing, and car. Otherwise, she would blame him for not loving her enough.
At that time, he finally came to the realization that a woman's temperament was all the same. When they threw a petty tantrum, he definitely shouldn't give in to them.
Occasionally, he would miss the days he spent with Yun Bixue. He missed her thoughtfulness and kindness.
With his abrupt realization today, he finally understood Yun Bixue's feelings in the beginning. She must have felt exhausted giving in blindly back then.
At the time, he thought that Yun Bixue was rather silly. She appeared like a pretty daughter from a humble family, and she didn't seem to possess the dignified mannerisms that a matron would have. Thinking back to it now, he had misjudged her.
He couldn't forget how dazzling and beautiful she looked standing next to Xie Limo on his wedding day. All the other socialites and women at the venue paled in comparison to her.
He never knew that she could be brimming and sparkling with confidence. Ever since he regained consciousness, that silhouette had constantly flooded his mind.
He always thought about his past memories. The more he dwelt on the past, the more stifled his heart felt, and the more he hated himself. These past few days, he suffered from severe insomnia.
Meng Xinyan's pestering began to grow in intensity. Even if he was sleeping during the dead of the night, she would still call him. At the start, he would still answer her calls. Subsequently, her tantrums grew out of hand, and he stopped picking up her calls altogether.
His heart felt extremely drained, and he especially wished to clear up his mind and rest.
These past few days, he would wait below this building after work. Although he didn't meet Yun Bixue, knowing that she was upstairs helped his heart to feel calmer and more grounded.
For this little piggy doll, he had even put the Su family's authority to use in order to locate the shop that had already relocated somewhere else. He requested them to re-manufacture the doll.
When he received the doll, his heart had actually stirred. However, looking at the doll that had fallen to the ground, his heart turned still.
He walked forward and gently picked up the doll, as though treating it as a precious object. He took out his cell phone and repeatedly clutched and released his grip on it. After some time, he finally pressed the dial button beside Yun Bixue's name.
