lost

·Vanessa’s pov,

When I got home, I immediately searched for Tomasso and Lianna. I needed to vent and have someone help me make sense of all my feelings. Lianna immediately pulled me into a tight hug and Tomasso looked deep into my eyes with a worried frown on his forehead.

“We heard what happened to Julietta. When we found the abandoned car, we were so scared we lost you Alpha,” Tomasso said.

Just the mentioning of her name already made tears well up in my eyes again and I gritted my teeth trying to hold them back. Lianna pulled back and inspected my face, “What happened Vanessa?”

I took a deep breath and told them everything. From the moment I found Julietta’s body to my abduction. Finding out it was Colin who abducted me because some Russian Alpha was scared of powerful, she-wolves. And lastly about the deal that Colin made for my life. They listened carefully and tried to comfort me but all I wanted was someone to tell me how to clean up this mess. But how can someone tell you what to do when you are the person in charge? I needed Spirit more than ever, but she was still giving me the silent treatment.

I looked at Lianna and Tomasso with sad eyes and asked, “What should I do?”

Tomasso smiled at me kindly and he placed his warm hand on my shoulder, “We can’t tell you what to do Vanessa. Only you know what decision is best for you and the pack. The only advice I can offer is for you to clear your mind for a few days. Try to process what happened and find out what it is you want to do.”

I grimaced before I stood up and straightened my posture, “Thanks for listening guys. I think I am going to take that advice and spend some time alone to clear my head.”

I heard them whisper when I left the room, but I didn’t care enough to listen. I just wanted to go to bed, forget about the day and deal with everything again tomorrow. For the first time, I took a sleeping pill and embraced the darkness it brought me.

The next day I woke up from a loud banging on the door. I groaned when I tried to adjust my eyes to the light and figure out where I was. “I AM COMING,” I shouted annoyed at the person banging on my door.

I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes when the banging started again. Angrily I jumped out of bed and pulled the door open. Blake submissively bowed his head when he saw the anger in my eyes and stuttered, “I…I am sorry to wake you, Alpha. I know you wanted to be left alone but there is a lawyer here from the Latin American pack. He says it is urgent.”

I growled, “I will be there in 5 minutes.” Before I slammed the door in his face. I ignored the urge to just meet the guy in my sweatpants. Because no matter how shitty I felt I was still the Alpha and I needed to at least look like I had everything under control. I quickly changed into black leather pants, high-heeled boots, and an expensive blue sweater. I threw some water in my face and clipped my hair at the back of my head. I stared at my reflection intensely and hissed, “Get your shit together Vanessa!”

After that, I walked into my office where a small man with grey hair was already waiting for me. I shook his hand and said, “Sorry to keep you waiting. I am Vanessa.”

The man took my hand and replied, “My name is Diego Salvatore. I am the lawyer of the Latin American packs.”

I sat down behind my desk and leaned back in my chair calmly, “What can I do for you, mister Salvatore?”

He took an envelope from his briefcase and handed it to me before he stood up. The envelope said Vanessa in elegant handwriting, and I gave the lawyer a confused stare.

“It is a letter from the late Alpha Julietta. She had recently altered her will and has left all the Latin American packs into your care. We can go over the details later, but I will give you a moment alone to read the letter,” he said.

I watched him walk out of my office before I opened the envelope with trembling hands. I could smell a hint of Julietta’s rose perfume when I took out the paper.

“MY SWEET VANESSA, IF YOU GET THIS LETTER THAT MEANS SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO ME AND I AM NOW FEASTING WITH THE MOON GODDESS. IN THIS CASE, I LEAVE ALL MY BELONGINGS AND THE CARE OF MY PACKS TO YOU. THERE IS NO ONE I WOULD TRUST MORE TO LEAD THEM IN THE WAY I WOULD HAVE WANTED. I KNOW YOU WILL DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THE PACKS WITHOUT PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST. PLEASE UNITE OUR PACKS AND SHOW THE WORLD THE POWER OF THE SHE-WOLF. ALSO DO NOT BE SAD FOR ME. YOU SAVED ME IN MORE WAYS THAN YOU KNOW. YOU HEALED PARTS OF ME THAT I THOUGHT WERE BROKEN FOREVER. YOU GAVE ME BACK HOPE AND MY WILL TO FIGHT, YOU TAUGHT ME TO NEVER GIVE UP NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS IT SEEMS OR NO MATTER THE CONSEQUENCES. BUT MOST OF ALL YOU SHOWED ME HOW TO FEEL LOVED AND HOW TO BE FREE AGAIN. WHICH IS MORE THAN I COULD HAVE EVER HOPED FOR. SO PLEASE KNOW THAT I DIED A HAPPY AND FREE WOLF. NOW GO BE THE LEADER YOU WERE BORN TO BE AND GIVE THEM HELL. LOVE JULIETTA”

I felt a small fire emerge inside me again after reading Julietta’s letter. I never thought that she believed in me so much that she thought I could handle leading both our packs. I wanted to make her proud and I knew now where the moon goddess was leading me, but I didn’t know how to get there. Normally I would have transformed and gone for a run to clear my head but with Spirit still ignoring me I had no other choice than to go in human form. I took a side door out of the building so I would not run into anyone and as soon as I entered the tree line I started running. I ran without any regard for where I was going. Just focusing on the path in front of my feet and welcoming the burning sensation in my lungs and feet. I was so fucking done with feeling angry, confused, and sad at the same time. So much had happened in a short amount of time. Letting go of Duke, the death of the she-wolves from my old pack, becoming an Alpha myself, finding my mate but rejecting him, having the biggest fight of my life with Spirit, and finding Julietta murdered.

I had been so lost in thoughts that I didn't notice the sun going down until it became darker and darker around me. I finally stopped running and looked around me but there was nothing I recognized. I honestly had no idea where I was, and a shiver went down my back when I realized how vulnerable I was without Spirit. I tried to calm down my raspy breathing and listened to my surroundings. At first, I only heard the wind blowing through the trees but then somewhere in the background, I heard singing.

I followed the singing taking me even deeper into the forest. I walked through a tick-tree line until suddenly I was in an open space. Candles were lit at different woodcarvings in the trees. I walked closer to one of the carvings and saw it was a carving of a wolf. It took me a moment to realize that the singing had stopped and that I was surrounded by utter silence. For some reason, I did not feel scared though. I walked around the open space studying the different sculptures in the trees when a voice cut through the silence.

“Feeling lost, my dear?”

I quickly turned around and sighed relieved when I saw it was just Elswith who appeared out of nowhere.

“What is this place?” I asked curiously.

Elswith let her hands go over one of the carvings, “It is a sacred place still remaining of the old werewolf ways.”

I frowned confused, “I thought we were living like the old ways so why have I not seen this before?”

Elswith chuckled, “Oh no dear. I would not say you are living like the old ways. You kept little elements, but much has changed. Werewolves weren’t always living like the mafia, long ago we lived in the forest secluded and protected. The packs were strong and united living simple lives with their families. It all changed when one of the Alphas got greedy and wanted more money and power. He used his werewolf abilities to establish himself in the underworld. Since then, it has been a given that werewolves are hard to satisfy. Always looking for ways to get more money and power, forgetting what being a werewolf is actually about.”

I looked at her with big eyes, “I did not know that. Would you be able to teach me more about the old ways?”

Elswith nodded but then walked to me and stared deep into my eyes, “I can see you are not one with your wolf. This can have great consequences of unbalance and confusion. Have you experienced this?”

My cheeks flushed, “Yes I have.”

“What is it that you and your wolf cannot agree on?”

It felt a bit silly to open up about my love life to a priestess, but I did anyway because I could not go on like this much longer.

“She wants me to accept the mate bond, but I cannot stand the guy.”

I felt like I was becoming smaller and smaller when Elswith just looked at me strictly. Eventually, she said, “You have to understand Vanessa that for a wolf the mate bond is the most strong and sacred bond there is. Every bone in their bodies wants to be with their mate. Like I said before the moon goddess intertwines 2 souls for a reason. It is very disrespectful and arrogant of you to reject your mate with total disregard for your wolf’s feelings. The least you could do is give him a chance. Until you fix things with your wolf misery will follow you.”

I felt a bit ashamed and avoided her gaze by staring at one of the carvings of the moon goddess. I could swear I saw the eyes of the carving light up for a second and my breath got stuck in my throat. Suddenly my head seemed much clearer, and I knew what I had to do.

Elswith gave me sly smile like she knew exactly what had just happened and stepped aside so I could return to the path. I bowed my head in respect and took a deep breath before I contacted Spirit.

“Spirit, I know you are listening. I am sorry that I did not consider your feelings at all. I want to make a deal. If you talk to me again, I will let Colin mark me. On one condition I will only accept the mate bond later if I fall in love with him. I will take Colin’s offer and pretend to be his Luna for a while so that we can take revenge on the Russians. I promise I will give him a chance, okay?”

My heart was beating in my chest while I was nervously waiting if she would respond.

“Come on let me take over so I can take you home,” Spirit growled.

It was not the warm rekindling I had hoped for, but I was already happy she talked to me again. I closed my eyes and let Spirit take the lead. It felt good to finally transform again and let Spirits paws rush through the forest. It took her a much shorter time to cover the distance back than I did running myself. When I sneaked back into my office my cheeks were flushed from the cold air and my skin was tingling. I took a minute to catch my breath before I picked up the phone and dialed an Irish number.

“I was wondering when you would call me, Lass,” A cocky, deep voice said.

I rolled my eyes and responded, “I will cut to the chase Colin. I will accept your offer and let you mark me to fool the Russians. I will live with you afterward to convince them that I became your Luna so we can plot our revenge together. I have 2 conditions; I will not accept the mate bond unless I fall in love with you. Secondly, I will let you mark me in a month, I have things I need to take care of first before I can go.”

Colin was probably surprised because it took him a minute to respond, “That makes me happy Vanessa, honestly. Your first condition is no problem to me but the second one is. Alpha Vlad gave me a week to mark you not a month.”

“Well, I assume you are smart because the Moon-Goddess made you my mate so I am sure you will figure something out. See you in a month,” I said in a cocky tone before hanging up the phone.

After that I went out to look for Tomasso and Lianna because we had a lot to do in a month. I finally found my purpose again, so I felt determined and renewed to become the Alpha I was born to be.