11

After Padraig and I drank a few glasses of whiskey and smoked a joint in my room, I felt absolutely floating. The problems seemed so far away that they could not even be touched. Peace swept over me and it wasn't until Padraig got up from my couch and gave me his hand that I knew there was much more to go.

"Valentina will pick us up in a minute," he said, his voice muffled in my mind, but I nodded and grabbed my denim jacket to pull it over my black shirt and follow him out into the hallway. where Rian was just emerging from the bedroom with Esme in his arms.

He glanced at me, lingering a little too long on my probably red, shiny eyes, and then took a deep breath, ignoring me completely afterwards.

Although Padraig probably looked just like me, he got kind words from him and even a hug from Esme.

Well, he was Keeva's cousin... Someone who saved their lives... I couldn't keep up...

When the two ran downstairs in front of me, I immediately recognized that the table was set and Keeva and Odran were already sitting at it and drinking red wine.

"Are you eating?" Keeva immediately asked, turning to me, smiling as softly as she always does at me, but I shook my head no and just walked past everyone to the front door. I felt more and more that I was being crushed. My chest felt like it wasn't fully expanding with my breathing...like a load of tons was resting on it while my heart pounded faster and faster, making me sweat slightly.

I knew it was a panic attack because I've been having it more and more often lately and it's getting worse. Maybe it was the mixture of pills and weed I threw in every day... Or not enough sleep and food... I had no idea.

"Are you okay?" I suddenly heard Odran behind me, who carefully put his hand on my back and must have been worried about my rapid breathing.

"And what if nothing's okay?" I asked, turning to face him. "What are you going to do then? Put me in a shack?"

He gave me an apologetic look, but said nothing and then avoided my withering glare.

I was sorry... Really... I didn't want him to feel my hatred for Rian, but he was the only one who served as a buffer.

"Well, we can," Padraig said with a smile as he just walked out the front door behind Odran and without noticing the giant again, I followed the gypsy down the driveway to the street, where I immediately spotted a pink compact car with loud rock music playing.

"You'll like her," Padraig explained and changed completely in his style from one second to the next. He seemed more self-confident, happier and when Valentina got out of the car, he immediately grabbed her hips with a grin and lifted her up a bit and gave her a kiss so passionate that even I got a little hot.

"That's her," he said after the kiss, proud and friendly, she held out her hand to me, which I took with a look at her really sweet face. It was a perfect match for the crazy gypsy. She had a few pink strands in her light hair, big green eyes, lots of tattoos on her arms and piercings on her ears and lips...

She definitely didn't look boring.

"How are you?" I asked her and then pulled my hand back while she grinned and looked over at Padraig who was still looking at her proudly.

"I'm always fine," she replied. "And how are you?"

"Exactly," I replied, marveling at what a good liar I had become.

"So get in. We should go," she then interrupted the emerging silence and without any arguments we got in and drove towards the city, while the sun was slowly setting and it seemed to me that every day was just repeating itself for me.. .

I tried not to worry about anything the entire ride above me, instead I listened to the rock music and kept looking up at Padraig, who kept his hand on Valentina's lap the whole time.

Did I want something like that too?

Without answering that question, I pulled out my phone and opened Irina's message again to text her back.

Yes, what a pity. What are you doing today? Senan

I waited a moment to see if she would answer directly, but since nothing came, I put the phone away again and looked outside again, where it was now dark.

"Where are we actually going?" I asked at some point, facing forwards, because this journey just seemed endless to me.

"To a French club outside of Dublin," Padraig replied, and for a moment I thought I must have misheard, but since he didn't say anything else, he probably meant it.

When we finally arrived in front of a really small looking club, I suddenly saw Jake from the parking lot, who seemed to be having amused conversation with some girls and after getting out I immediately looked questioningly at Padraig, who just shrugged his shoulders and grinned.

"I thought a little more friends would do you good," he explained, wrapping his arm around Valentina's shoulders to walk beside me to Jake, who, upon seeing me, immediately smiled and walked towards me.

"There you are," he laughed dirty and planted a kiss on my cheek while he held me tight against you.

A sign that he had probably been drinking a lot.

"It's okay you idiot," I pushed him away with a grin, which only made him laugh more.

"Will you have it soon?" asked Padraig, who we then followed inside the club.

As the French hip hop music got louder, the lights brighter and the women looser up, I became more and more relaxed and enjoyed drink after drink until Valentina urged the three of us to dance.

As the evening wore on, she really turned out to be a loving woman. She kept her eyes on Padraig all the time, and she didn't seem to take a liking to anything but him. Even Jake didn't pay any attention to her, although he tried his best to embarrass us again while dancing.

I danced happily to the music for hours, laughing at Jake and only pausing when we smoked or drank, until I suddenly felt my chest tighten in an odd way and I could hardly breathe.

"I'll be right back!" I called over the loud music to Jake, who just nodded and turned back to some of the girls.

My glance fell on Padraig and Valentina, who were kissing and moving to the beat of the music, until I turned my eyes back towards the exit and just wanted to get some fresh air.

Once outside, the cool night air welcomed me and while some drunks staggered around here, I lit a cigarette and took a few steps away from the small entrance to get my cell phone out again.

No message...

Before I could raise my head again, I suddenly felt someone behind me pull something over my head, choking me until I could only see black.

Fuck!