23

I just stood in the sun for a while. Thinking about last night... about the kisses, the touches and what they had triggered in me, and then I turned back to the villa, dejected.

"You okay?" Keeva asked sympathetically when she saw the expression on my face and I immediately skillfully disguised myself and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Yes, everything is fine," I replied and then ran up to the bathroom to sit on the toilet with Odran's toiletry bag. I took some of the tranquilizers and threw them in my mouth, using the tap to wash them down with enough water. I then looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head at myself. How could I be so naive? I knew better from Jake that women only hurt you anyway. Rian was just incredibly lucky...

Maybe God was just continuing to punish me for my bad past, or maybe I was imagining way too much. We were just friends... that's all... and tonight just one fucking slip...

I took another deep breath and then went to my room to go to bed with my cell phone.

Hey, where are you?

I texted Jake and it didn't take long for a message to come back that I had to read multiple times in confusion.

At Irina. Thought you wanted to come too?!

What the hell actually happened???

I quickly got up from my bed, put on my denim jacket and made my way downstairs.

"Rian, can you drive me to my bike?" I asked under stress, but he had Esme in his arms and shook his head in the negative.

"I've got an event with Keeva soon. We should actually be going, but the lady takes forever in the bathroom," he answered electrified himself and my eyes fell on Odran, who immediately shook his head in the negative.

"I'll take care of Esme."

Class !!!

Without wasting any more time, I grabbed the key to Odran's Porsche from the table, but he gave me a warning look.

"A scratch and..."

"Yes, yes, of course," I replied and ran out into the sun to sit in the cramped, yellow Porsche. How could a giant like Odran drive such a car???!!!

When the engine started, the radio suddenly came on and when some Whitney Houston shit came out of the speakers, I got serious thoughts about my brother.

Either he was the most fucking sensitive mafia guy in all of Ireland, or he was gay....

I entered Irina's address in the navigation system, drove along the streets and then quickly arrived at her villa, where I parked the Porsche a little off the edge and immediately headed for the front door.

After ringing the bell several times, it was opened by a small, black-haired Asian woman, who let me in with a smile. She immediately scurried around the corner again and I stood there completely speechless while I heard loud music from the room next to me and went to check there first.

"Hellooo strong man," a redhead greeted me, who immediately hugged me and pulled me into the living room, where I looked around, completely overwhelmed. There were several older men sitting on the couch while the women danced around them."I'm looking for my boyfriend," I tried to explain to the redhead, but she just grabbed my face and stuck her tongue in my mouth, almost making me feel raped.

"Ey!" I heard Irina's voice behind us and after this pushy woman let go of my face, Irina came towards us and slapped her while she seemed to curse in Russian.

What the fuck!!!

"Come with me," Irina said and, with an angry look at the other, took my hand to pull me into the hallway and up the stairs.

"I have no idea what's going on here, but I'm actually just looking for Jake," I gave her to understand and snatched my hand from her, because it was really all too much for me at the moment. My head was pounding slightly from this chaos and my stomach didn't feel any better after the pills....

"Don't worry, sweetie. Jule will take care of him," Irina explained with a wink and I glanced down at her. She was wearing only a short silk bathrobe and looked incredibly good. Still, all I really wanted to do was go and clear my head.

"If you want, look for yourself, her room is there."

I followed her gaze and stood at the white door to listen for the first time, but no sound could be heard from inside.

"Jake?" I spoke loudly and knocked, noticing Irina's amused look at me.

After no sign again, I hesitantly opened the door and saw Jack lying on the bed while a pretty brown haired woman was sitting on his pelvis and massaging his back.

"He's asleep," she said, and after I nodded and closed the door again, Irina came up to me and pulled me into the room across the way without saying anything.

"You need to relax," she said, and I looked around the dark room, which was lit only by a single bedside lamp. The blinds were all the way down and a round bed sat right in the middle of the room.

"You're a whore, aren't you?"

She stood next to me and looked at me in bewilderment.

"I'm an escort. Please don't confuse that," she said acidly, padding her feet to the bed to sit on the edge and pat the covers next to her. "Now come here. I've had to wait so long."

"I..." I stuttered and suddenly felt a panic attack coming on. Fuck! That was just what was missing.

In a panic, I held my heart, which seemed to be beating faster and faster, and gasped for air, causing Irina to come towards me with wide eyes and put her hand on my back soothingly.

"Hey, hey... Everything's fine... Sit down first," she said and led me to the bed, where I sat down with difficulty on the edge. "Put your head between your legs and breathe in and out very deeply," she commanded, and I just did it without discussion or resistance.

I noticed how my lungs were slowly filling up with more oxygen and luckily the feeling that I was about to have a heart attack disappeared.

"Do you have that kind of thing often?" she asked sympathetically, stroking my back incessantly.

"More and more often lately," I told her honestly, getting up to look over at her.

"Ever thought about maybe going to a doctor?"

"Yes, I'm going to see a therapist," I explained wistfully and suddenly Mandy appeared in my thoughts. I had to think that she was probably sitting with her husband right now. Had perhaps even forgiven him and who knows what was driving.

"I'm such a shitty person," I suddenly blurted out and I had no idea why I opened up to Irina, but my heart hurt like it hadn't been in a long time and these pills really made my brain muddy.

"No, you're not," she tried to reassure me, but I couldn't help but wipe the tears from my face and feel sorry for myself.

So there I sat... a mess that had killed its mother... that had no real family and seemed to have fallen in love with an unattainable woman, which I didn't even deserve to be left behind.

"Is there anything I can do?" Irina asked, gently wiping my cheek, which was still tearing down.

I felt like a wimp at that moment... like I cut my own balls off and dumped them in the sea.

Somehow I wanted to prove to myself that I was still a whole man, so I got up and leaned towards Irina to push her down into the bed by the neck, causing her to look at me with wide eyes in surprise.