53

I couldn't see my brother lying there like that. So pale... so lifeless... so weak...

It wasn't him lying there. Just his shell and that thought just got me down. So exhausted that I had to hold back my tears and turned away.

It was with a heavy heart that I decided to leave Keeva alone with him and venture outside into the fresh air to at least try to banish those ingrained images.

All that shit was getting to me so slowly and although I didn't really want to smoke anymore, I bought a box of butts at a kiosk opposite the hospital and then sat down exhausted on a bench by the hospital, which at least got some shade because of the tall tree next to it her gave.

I just sat there for a while trying to cling to good memories. The bad part was that for me there weren't any.

I was never really happy... Neither as a child, when I missed my mother, nor in my youth, when I killed my stepmother, nor as an adult, when misfortune seemed to attract me.

But true happiness was just a whiff of nothing anyway. Short, fleeting moments that passed without a trace and with their rapid disappearance hardly anything remained except the longing for more of the feeling of flying... But I was probably prevented from taking off. Instead, I kept falling. On and on into this hole that consisted of nothing but emptiness and hopelessness...

"Hey," a familiar voice suddenly snapped me out of my thoughts and I immediately exhaled the smoke from my lungs to look up at Mandy, who was standing there very shyly with one of my shirts and her light-colored jeans, staring at me dazedly. "Do you have another?"

"Even if I did, I wouldn't give you any," I said immediately warningly and pulled her by her hand onto my lap, where she sat down on the side and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Smoking is deadly."

"You smoke too," she breathed, leaning her head on my shoulder to watch me intensely, but I didn't take another puff on the cigarette, but flicked it on the asphalt in front of us and then looked into her beautiful blue eyes see.

If there was such a thing as happiness, it was in this woman's eyes, because the moment I looked at her, I forgot everything else around me, and the happiness I craved so much was always within reach when I was around her .

"But only so I don't take anything worse. I'm still in rehab and I'd rather smoke than help myself to any pills in the hospital."

Her eyes became very sad, but I felt with her that I should rather honestly say what I felt and thought, there's no point in hiding it with a therapist anyway, right?

"In view of what's going on here, taking pills doesn't sound so bad anymore," she suddenly said and I immediately stood up with her in my arms, carefully set her down on the bench behind us and squatted in front of her to look up earnestly into her eyes.

"Don't ever say that again, baby," I said, almost horrified, taking her hands to kiss each one gently. "This stuff is poison and no matter how shitty it is, it just makes it shittier. Believe me, I've had my experience and I'm living proof not to start."

She got lost in my intense gaze and I tried to cheer her up a bit with a smile, but she seemed absent-minded.

"You know what's way more intoxicating than those drugs?" I asked her, and she frowned slightly, only to shake her head the slightest bit, leaving her blonde hair blowing slightly in the wind, which makes her look incredibly handsome let. "I show it to you."

I stood up slowly, carefully pulling her hands up to me and pressing my lips against hers so demanding that I immediately closed my eyes and felt her hands on my shoulders for support.

Of course, I winced slightly, because my injury still hurt, but it only made our kiss more intense, so I grabbed her tighter and pulled her even closer to my body.

"This is really better," she breathed into my mouth and it was so incredibly good to taste that I could hardly get enough of it.

Almost out of breath, I reluctantly pulled away from her and looked around, making her turn as well, as if trying to see what I was looking for.

"Come with me," I asked her afterwards, smiling, and she immediately clasped my hand in hers to follow me across the street to the other side, where I had spotted a movie theater.

"To the cinema?" Mandy asked next to me, completely irritated, and I just winked at her with a smile, to get my wallet out of the back pocket of my sweatpants at the same time.

I handed her some money, pointing to the snack bar behind us, while she looked confused between me and the popcorn.

"You're sugar," I laughed at her sweet expression, tenderly cupping her face in my hands. "Let's just watch a movie and forget about everything else. At least for those two hours, okay? I can't take this shit anymore."

"That would be very nice," she reluctantly replied, and I knew that she no longer thought she could switch off with a movie, but she didn't yet know what I was going to do with her.

Definitely don't watch a shitty movie...

After kissing her gently on the forehead, I told her to bring me a large Sprite and then disappeared to the counter to grin at the cashier.

"Two tickets to the least visited movie," I explained, handing him money, but he just looked at me in surprise, probably thinking I was joking, so I raised an eyebrow and took an extra bill out of my wallet, whereupon he immediately smiled friendly and accepted the money.

"Of course," he replied, typing something on the computer in front of him. "In 20 minutes there will be a showing of-" in Theater 3

"I'm not interested. Is the cinema empty?"

"Yeah, nobody really wants to see that movie. It got ripped apart by the reviews," he explained, and I just looked at him blankly, since he didn't seem to realize that I really didn't care at all.

"Oh, sorry," he then interjected as I eyed him expectantly and handed me two cards, which I immediately made my way to Mandy, who still seemed busy choosing something to snack on.

"Have fun, sir!"

"I'll have it!", I called back to the cashier and wrapped my arms around her waist when I reached Mandy, which made her slightly startled and turned to me with big eyes.

"Salty or sweet?" she demanded, pointing to the popcorn, but I was only interested in kissing her neck, which she seemed quite embarrassed in front of the blonde, who was still waiting for an answer about the popcorn was waiting.

"Um, sweet please then," Mandy stuttered, wincing slightly when I sucked on the skin under her ear with relish and hugged her even tighter at the same time. "Senan!"

She untied my hands around her waist and freed herself from my grip to stare into my eyes, flushed red, while her body seemed to react only too intensely to me.

"Yes?" I grinned provocatively and without avoiding her eyes, I took the popcorn from the counter and watched her smiling as she reached for the drinks with red cheeks and trembling hands.

"What are we actually watching?"

"Nothing, we're just listening," I laughed, and now the question marks seemed to be written all over her face. "You will like the movie."