“FAKE AMNESIA”

I am upset. I need to admit that even if it's just to myself. And at this point, I also need to admit that Lena has won. Because if not, I'll just keep pretending.

In my final thoughts, I suddenly stopped.

I can! I can continue with all of this. Marius doesn't need to know that I'm okay. He doesn't need to know that my memory has returned.

But the question is, how long can I keep this up?

How long can I hide the truth from him? And the pain I feel because of what I've learned?

I was in such a state when the man who occupied my thoughts suddenly entered our room.

I quickly turned to him as he approached with a smile.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he neared.

I couldn't think of what to say. So I just nodded. When Marius kissed me on the forehead, I closed my eyes. Then, I felt the corners of my eyes warm. But like I did earlier, I held back. And once again, I succeeded.

"Lena came from here," I said, then I absentmindedly glanced at the engagement ring on my finger.

I saw Marius pause at my words.

"Is everything okay?" he asked me as if he could read my mind at that moment.

I shrugged. "She... She said something to me, Marius," I said, my voice trembling slightly as I lowered my head.

"What did she say to you?"

The way Marius spoke made it seem like Lena knew a secret that he didn't want me to find out, which hurt me even more.

"She said she likes you. And she's angry at me, Marius," I said, although in truth, I wanted to tell him more than that.

"Sam, I know that for a long time. But I can only offer her friendship because that's all I can give her. I can't force my heart."

Because Lana is the one you love!

"That's what my mind screamed while my heart felt overwhelming anger.

"I'm tired, Marius," I said to him.

In reality, I wasn't referring to literal fatigue. The truth was, it was about the exhaustion of my heart.

Right now, all I wanted was to distance myself from Marius. That's all. Because I was really upset with him. But how could I do that now that my memory had returned? And whenever I looked at him, I felt angry and hurt. There was also a child in my womb that I needed to consider.

It seems I need to pretend that I still have amnesia. But how long can I keep up with this?

"Okay, rest for now. Tomorrow morning, we'll travel to Manila for a checkup, alright?" Marius said to me.

I just sighed in response to his words.

"Oh, by the way, it's Mang Tasyo's daughter's debut tonight. Do you think you can manage to go?" he asked me.

I immediately felt a wave of sadness at the thought of it. Then I pictured Mang Tasyo's kind face in my mind. But I really wasn't in the mood. In truth, I just wanted to sulk and lie down all day.

"I don't think so. You can just go there instead. I'll stay here," I said.

Marius smiled and approached me again, enveloping me in his embrace. "Of course, I can't leave you here alone. I'm sure Mang Tasyo will understand everything if ever," Marius assured me.

"It's up to you," was all I could say.

With that, Marius released me. Then he spoke again, "I'll just take a quick shower, okay? Then you tell me what you'd like to do," he said, giving me a kiss before heading to the bathroom.

I remained silent. With the book I was reading earlier in hand, I headed to the veranda to continue where I left off. I tried to push away all the overwhelming events from my mind, even though it wasn't even halfway through the morning yet.

Maybe this is how it should be for now.

I'll continue pretending that I still have amnesia. If I need to deceive myself, I'll do it. I'll just pretend to be genuinely happy again in Marius' company.

*****

"I didn't like what you did, Lena. What were you thinking? That's your friend's future wife! Why did you do that?" her aunt scolded her that evening.

As she expected, Sam had reported her actions to Marius. And Marius had already spoken to his aunt about what she did that morning when he visited the ancestral house.

"I couldn't help it, Auntie! She's just so arrogant! I tried to be humble and befriend her. But it's clear, she doesn't like me! Just because Marius is going to marry her?" Lena replied, her anger evident in her response, justifying her behavior.

"You had no right to do that! Did you think I didn't know that you've loved Marius for a long time? I know all of it, Lena. But I've been trying to ignore it. Because I didn't want to ruin the good treatment from his family towards me and you. But now, all that camaraderie is ruined!"

"I have the right because I love him, Aunt! Why can't you understand me?" Lena finally broke down in tears. "I love him so much! He's the only one I want to be with for the rest of my life, Aunt! He's the only one I've truly loved. But why is it like this? Why was Lana always the one he talked about? When that woman got married, I thought my problem was over and Marius would be mine. But then came that damn woman! And she's pregnant and has amnesia! And now Marius is suddenly protective. And me, I'm left alone and unnoticed again! I'm always waiting, left behind, and hurting!"

Her aunt stared at her for a long time before she approached and hugged her tightly.

"I don't like seeing you like this, dear. It pains me," Lourdes said with a tone that reflected her own pain.

"I can't take this, Aunt. I want Marius all to myself. I can't bear to give way to Sam," she said, continuing to cry.

"We can't do anything about it, dear. He's not meant for you. Accept that. You've waited too long for him. Yes, Marius is a good man. And if I were to stand as your parent, I'd want someone like him to be with you until you grow old. But he's destined for someone else, dear. Accept that. So you can open your heart and eyes to the man who's truly meant for you," her aunt explained at length.

Lena couldn't speak anymore. She just let it all out through her tears.

Her aunt was right. But what could she do when since then her heart has recognized no one but Marius? They were still children, as she had told Sam earlier, but she had loved him already.

That was a long time ago. In fact, she had secretly loved the young man for over twenty years. She loved him in silence, while her heart held onto the hope that one day her friend would notice her too. She hoped that in the end, Marius would realize that they were destined for each other. But now that the man was about to marry Sam, what about her? What about the two decades of waiting she had invested, only to end up with nothing?

"This is what you should do," her aunt said as she released her from her embrace. "Distance yourself, leave here to forget about him," she said, stroking her long hair.

Lena sniffed. "W-Where should I go, Aunt? You know you're the only relative I have, don't you?" she added.

Aunt Lourdes nodded and then began to dry her cheeks. "You can go to Manila, Lena. There are more opportunities there for a better job for you. I'll call my friend who has an apartment for rent business to give you a place to stay. And didn't you receive an offer for a job there at a large call center company before?"

Upon hearing her aunt's suggestion, Lena quickly thought it over. Then, one after another, she shook her head.

"I'll stay here, Aunt Lourdes. I'm not leaving just because Marius is marrying that woman. I'm not losing hope. I know that the time will come when Marius will see that I'm the one who truly loves him," Lena stated firmly. Her aunt fell silent immediately and didn't speak again.