“GOODBYE FOR NOW”

I felt really awful during those moments. And I know that, despite everything, Marius understands why I'm feeling this way.

"S-Sam, please don't do this," Marius pleaded.

I started packing at that moment, all while quietly shedding tears. I didn't know what else to do except cry. Honestly, that's all I've ever been capable of, even before. I would just cry. I couldn't bring myself to hurt him, even though deep down I was so angry with him.

"Sam, please let me explain. Please listen to me," Marius pleaded again as he followed me into the walk-in closet.

I didn't respond. I took all my personal belongings from there, one by one. Afterward, I came out again to put everything in my suitcase.

"Please don't bother me for now, Marius," I begged him, as I couldn't resist.

"Sam," he said.

Marius' tone still carried a strong sense of pleading. I didn't know if that was why I stared at him. And honestly, I felt like regretting what I had done. Because suddenly, I felt sorry for him.

I felt sorry for him to the point that I realized I needed him in my life. Despite everything that had happened, I knew deep down that I still loved Marius dearly. And my love for him was something I was sure I wouldn't feel for anyone else.

"Give me some space for now, Marius. That's what I need," I replied as I quickly wiped my tear-stained face.

"Believe me, Sam, I love you so much," he insisted, trying to hold my hand, but I immediately pulled away.

I lowered my head. I didn't want to meet his gaze. I knew I would eventually give in when it came to Marius. I knew myself when it came to this man.

"Is it okay if you just drop me off at my condo in Manila?" I answered his statement with that instead.

"Who will be with you there? Please, Sam. Let's talk first," Marius insisted again.

I met his gaze again. At that moment, I wasn't crying anymore. I gathered my courage. I couldn't keep getting hurt all the time.

"I'll be fine there. Do you think after everything I've learned, I can see Lana now?" I felt a sharp pang in my chest with my last words.

"Please," Marius pleaded.

A weak chuckle escaped my throat. "I want to be alone for now, Marius. I don't want to see or be with anyone. I just want to be by myself. Let me call you when I'm ready to talk. I'm just asking for a little time. That's a small thing compared to the pain you've caused me, isn't it?"

I couldn't help but inject sarcasm into my tone. And I had to admit that I was hurt by the effect it had on my boyfriend. In an instant, I wanted to hug him tightly and apologize for what I said.

"Just give me what I want, Marius," I said, strengthening my tone.

Sometimes, it's not good to always be kind. Because when you do, people take advantage of you. They think you're foolish. Just like what Marius did to me.

*****

"When will you call me, Sam?" Marius asked as he dropped me off at my condo unit.

As we drove back to Manila, I remained silent and didn't speak. I was grateful that he didn't press me further about it.

"I'll call you when I'm ready to talk to you," I said as I gripped the doorknob.

I didn't let him inside because he might stay longer if I did. Who knows what might happen if he suddenly kissed me?

"If you need anything, just call me, okay?" he said to me.

I just nodded. What Marius said touched my heart deeply. But I chose to be strong and not give in to the love I still had for him.

"Alright, I'll rest for a bit," I said, shooing him away and then pushing the door closed.

I didn't wait for Marius to respond. I immediately took a deep breath and went straight to my room, lying down.

I felt heavy-hearted.

At that moment, I knew it wasn't because of my pregnancy. It was the sadness I was feeling. In this state, I chose to release the emotions I had been holding back.

I knew what I had to do. In truth, I had already planned it out. That's why I'm here now. That's why I chose to distance myself from Marius.

What I told him earlier was right. I didn't have the courage to face Lana. And I didn't want to tell my brother about this either. I love Andrew so much, so it might be best to keep this problem between Marius and me.

"Sorry, Marius, we need to part ways for now. I'm sorry because you won't witness the birth of your child," I said, a bitter smile touching my lips as I caressed my stomach.

My gaze immediately fell on the ring I was wearing. I stared at it and let out a heavy sigh. The corners of my eyes warmed again, especially when I remembered the moment Marius gave it to me.

"I hate to admit it, but Lena won," I said bitterly, touching my stomach again.

"It's okay, we'll go to London. You'll meet your grandparents there. That's where we'll start, my child. We don't need your deceitful and lying father. You'll still get to know him, but you won't grow up with him. Because I don't want you to be like him," I added, releasing another heavy sigh.

*****

Marius called me multiple times after that. I wasn't surprised because I expected it. In other words, I prepared myself for that. But despite that, there were many times when I tried to answer or accept his calls. I just held back, so it didn't happen.

Two days passed, and I flew back to the United Kingdom. But contrary to my original plan, I didn't go to my parents. Instead, I went to my Filipino friend's place. Calum was my classmate at the Culinary School in Manila. He's gay, but not openly so. He's incredibly handsome, and despite his true identity, many women are still attracted to him.

"No one knows everything? About all of this? I mean, your parents, your sibling?"

That was Calum's second question when he picked me up at the airport.

"N-None," I replied shortly.

"Ugh, hush now. That's not good for your baby," he said, handing me a box of tissues from the backseat.

"Please don't mention this to my parents, okay? Or even to my sibling. I'm sure they'll call you first if something happens," I added, sniffing.

Despite Calum's busy focus on driving, I heard him sigh.

"Are you serious? Why can't you tell them? Are you going to kill your parents with worry?"

The tone of Calum's voice clearly showed he didn't agree with what I wanted to happen. I knew him well. In our five years of friendship, one of the qualities that I liked the most was that he never indulged me in any mistakes I made.

"For now, I just don't want to talk to Marius yet. You know, if my parents find out about this, they'll definitely talk to that guy. And that way, he'll be able to locate me."

"But you know deep down that guy has rights to your child, right? I mean, that's also his child, isn't it? It wouldn't exist if not for him," Calum explained to me.

"I know. But everything is still too painful right now," I reasoned.

Calum sighed again. "Oh, Samantha, when has true love ever been easy?" he said, shaking his head.

"True love? Maybe not," I replied, disagreeing with Calum's statement.

"Don't you believe that what you have with that guy is true love?" he asked.

"No," I answered.

"Well, you're just angry right now. But if that's not true, why did you accept his marriage proposal?" Calum asked, raising an eyebrow.

I glanced at him and replied, "I didn't say anything about that to you, did I?"

"No, you didn't, but you're still wearing the ring he gave you. See, it's beautiful. Simple yet beautiful," Calum said, admiring the ring on my finger.

I remained silent. Perhaps he was right. Maybe I was just angry, which is why I said that what I had with Marius wasn't real.

"If you ask me, I don't agree with what you did. You separated Marius from his child. Sam, you need to realize that the decisions you make in life are not just for yourself. That includes the child in your womb. As a mother, you should always prioritize the baby. Consider his or her well-being even if it means facing the hardships that may come and experiencing the emotions of your heart," Calum advised.

I didn't argue with what Calum said. He was right after all. I admit to myself that what I did was selfish. I prioritized my own feelings over everything else, including the pain Marius caused me and my child.

But I hope Calum also considers that I need to heal. I believe that after giving birth, I'll be okay. If ever, I need to choose to be okay. So that when I return to the Philippines, I'll be ready to face Marius again.