“UNYIELDING LONGING”

If I were to listen to half of my heart during those moments, I would have wanted to tightly embrace Marius. I would have wanted to kiss him. Because the truth is, I deeply long for him.

I can't explain how intense the restraint I used to control myself.

No doubt.

No matter what I do. No hesitation that his name is the only one my heart knows.

In short, I still truly love him. And the love I feel for him is assured to remain in my heart forevermore. “Calum!”

After a few moments, I called out to my friend. He immediately turned to face me. Having briefed him earlier, I wasn't surprised by his incredibly handsome and heart-melting smile that didn't fade even when we were in front of Marius.

"I think I'm more interested in getting to know my child," I heard Marius say instead.

Without hesitation, he said it aloud even though Calum was right in front of us.

I didn't say anything. I took MJ from Calum.

My ex-boyfriend was staring intensely at our child's face. I knew what he was feeling at that moment. I understood him because I went through the same thing when I gave birth to MJ.

"This is MJ," I started to walk towards him. "Marius de la Vega, Jr.," I formally introduced him to our child.

Tension quickly enveloped the surroundings. Meanwhile, I was struggling to hold back tears during those moments.

I could feel the corners of my eyes warming up. But as strong as the desire to let those tears flow was, that's how strong my restraint became.

Marius hugged our child tightly. After that, I saw him crying. At that point, I couldn't deny the feeling of a sharp blade cutting through my throat. Then, the burning sensation in the corners of my eyes intensified even more.

But I really didn't want to cry. It wasn't part of my plan to cry or be emotional or weak in front of Marius. So I did everything I could to prevent what I feared.

I swallowed hard in succession. Then I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Ah, Marius," I finally chose to break the tension around us.

Marius wiped away his tears and looked at me. "Yeah?"

I took another deep breath and then released it. I turned to look at Calum who was just watching us.

"I would like you to meet Calum. He's MJ's godfather. And also, my best friend," I said as I glanced back at Calum and gave him a sweet smile.

I deliberately gave that sweet smile to hurt Marius. And I must admit, I felt a thrill seeing the pain in his eyes as he witnessed what I did.

"How are you, Marius? I’ve heard so much about you," Calum said, extending his hand to Marius for a handshake.

I expected my ex-boyfriend not to accept that. But I was wrong. However, it was evident in Marius's demeanor that he was cold towards my friend.

"Lana just said that the program is about to start, guys," I said when Lana returned to them after being called by Andrew.

I just nodded and then the program began. As expected, there were some games, although there were only a few kids because it wasn't a literal kid's party. And the most anticipated moment of all, actually for my family and friends who knew about our story with Marius, was his message for our child.

"Son, I will do everything I can to give you a happy and perfect world. I know our world isn't perfect, but for you, I will create a perfect new world. I love you so much, my child. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming back," Marius said, looking at me as he uttered the words "thank you for coming back."

His words touched my heart. And I felt like when Marius said those words, "...thank you for coming back," he was talking to me. But given the reality that not everything was right between us, I brushed that thought aside.

I expected that after the party, Marius would ask for some time to talk privately. And I was not wrong.

I sent Calum home earlier this time but to Andrew and Lana's house. That was to give myself some space from any negative thoughts Marius might have. Especially now that I know he really wants to spend time with MJ.

That thought made me pause. Marius seems to be moving too fast again, and I'm trying to understand what he might be feeling. It's crazy, isn't it? But of course, I pushed those thoughts away from my heart. I didn't want to be soft and overly emotional again when it came to Marius.

We went to a coffee shop.

It wasn't a Scott's branch. I didn't want to be recognized by any of the employees. Not for any particular reason, I just didn't want to be the center of attention.

Moments passed. Marius and I were facing each other. We both had cups of coffee in front of us. But I still hadn't touched mine, while Marius was doing the opposite.

I didn't want coffee at that time. I was still full, to be honest. But because it felt awkward to hang out there without buying anything, I just let Marius do as he pleased.

"Don’t forget to send me a copy of our family picture," Marius said.

I knew why he said that. He wanted to start the conversation. Meanwhile, even if I didn't say or admit it, I was already feeling nervous at that moment.

The pounding of my heart was too loud, and I felt it would intensify once I drank the coffee in front of me. So I decided to let it cool down.

"Give me your email address so I can send you the drive link," I replied.

He nodded in agreement.

I noticed that because I was already looking at him. A gaze that I quickly withdrew. I returned my gaze to the coffee, as I mentioned earlier I had no plans of drinking it. Meanwhile, Marius had already consumed half of his."

"Why did you do that, Sam? Why did you deceive me?" he asked.

It was a big question, actually. Enough reason for me to start a fight with him. Arguing with him would feel satisfying. That's what I really wanted to do. But I'm not the type to create a scene. So I let it pass.