Memory

"You lost Dad when I came into this world."

It's all my fault.

If it wasn't for me, Dad would probably still be alive today.

If he didn't save me from the miscarriage, if he didn't chat about the ritual he might be alive today he should be with Mom right now.

Not me.

I'm supposed to be dead.

"Am I even supposed to be here Mom?"

Do I really belong to this world? Do I belong here?

Do I have a right to live here? I'm supposed to be dead. My father sacrificed his life for me.

"I should be dead. I should be dead if Dad hadn't done that. He shouldn't have done that!"

He shouldn't have done that! If Dad hadn't done that, he would probably still be alive. Maybe there was a way to prevent this from happening.

They could have waited for the ambulance to come before they did any ritual. I know that we are near the forest and the hospital is far from here but twenty years ago, all the roads were concrete. They could have easily gone to the forest where my mom and dad had an accident.

Maybe they could have caught the accident.

If only they had waited...

Maybe Dad doesn't have to lose because of me. Maybe Mom doesn't have to lose her husband or child at that time. If not….

"You won't understand it, Adra. He wanted nothing more than to be a father. He wanted to have a family. And he did. He is your father. He sacrificed to keep you alive."

"But the moon kills him! The moon that chose me! The moon that made me live!" I cried.

Why did the moon let this happen?

If I only knew the reason why I'm the gift of the moon. I would have never wished to be one. I would have never wished to be something special if it meant losing the person that I love.

Losing my Dad to the moon.

Why does the moon have to do that?

What did Dad do to take his life?

Is it because I didn't get out of the womb immediately that I died immediately?

Who knows if I'm just there waiting to be let out to the world. Why does the moon have to take my father immediately?

The moon didn't even give us a chance to be together. The moon didn't even let him hold her daughter. The moon just took him away. Life for a life.

His life changed to mine.

A sacrifice, in exchange for these stupid powers!

Mom must be mad at me because of everything that happened. If it wasn't for me, Dad would probably still be alive, they would probably still be together. And if it wasn't for the green moon we would still be together.

Why did the green moon choose me?

Of the many who chanted the ritual, only Dad was able to summon him?

It means the moon chose him, chose me!

Why would the moon do something so cruel to me? To us? To my family!

Can't he give powers without taking life? Why does something have to be lost? Why should there be a substitute?

"H-how come you are not mad at me Mom? You must be mad at me! You must have a grudge against me because I was the reason why Dad died! If it wasn't for me he might still be alive! Maybe the moon wouldn't have taken him his life in exchange for mine!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

She reached for my hand and held it tightly. She looked right in my eyes and smiled.

"Why would I be mad at you, Adra? You're the last thing that reminds me of your father. I would throw and hide all the paintings for him because those drive him crazy but I will never be mad at you. You' re our child. The proof of our love. You are his last creation. The best thing he created," she said.

"But mom—" she cut me off.

She shushed me. "Shhh..."

"He is the best father Adra. Don't question his sacrifices. He did it for you. He is the best husband I could ever have. And I know that if the situation changes he would still sacrifice his life for you."

"Mom." I cried on her shoulder.

"It's okay, darling." She lightly tapped on my back to calm me down. Her light tapping soothes me somehow.

All along I'm curious why mom doesn't want me to paint but it's all for my sake. She doesn't want me to end up like Dad.

But look what happened?

What did I do? I created a mess that I can't escape. There's no way I can escape. I have a huge responsibility because of this power. Because I'm the gift of the moon.

"I don't want this power Mom. I don't want to be the gift of the moon—" She cut me off.

He loosened the hug and grabbed both of my arms. "Your father gave you the best gift, Adra. He sacrificed his life for you to be alive."

"But—" she cut me off again.

"You are the best gift we got," she said.

I smiled and hugged her tightly. I'm so blessed to have her as a mother. Even though Dad sacrificed his life for me. She never hates me. She never does. Because all she sees when she looks at me is a blessing, a memory.

Memory of him, the person she only loved. I'm part of him and she can see through me. I never thought Mom would be so selfless. I knew people who hated their daughters because their husbands left them for being pregnant with them.

But I guess it's different in any case.

I'm just glad Mom loves me, even though I'm the reason she's alone.

But she's never really alone, because I'm with her. And I know Dad is also with us.

"C-can I see Dad's paintings?" I asked.

She smiled. "Yes, you can Adra."

"Maybe you can see His painting in that woman's room.",

"Hmm?" I asked.

"There's a painting of the girl in the basement. I saw it once before. I asked him about it and he said it was nothing but I saw her there Adra. I saw her at his funeral."

"W-who?" I asked.

"The girl in the painting."

After all the revelation, I decided to go to our basement and look for the hidden paintings of Dad.

The ones Mom hid from me because she was afraid I would be like Dad. But I'm already destined to be something else.

And I can't escape it.

I looked around the basement. What Mom said was true. Dad's hidden paintings are ready.

Since it has been here for so long, it is already dusty and full of air.

All of Dads painting looks fantastically real. Everywhere you look it seems to be true, Mom was right.

I grabbed one painting on the table.

My mouth gaped as I saw the painting.

"This is the underwater falls."

So did Dad go there too? How can he get there? Without someone who knows it?

Dad has painted almost the entire jungle.

My eyes squinted on a large painting behind all of the other piled paintings.

I removed the blocking paintings and took it to the back.

My mouth flew open as my eyes landed on the painting.

"Zabellana," I blurted out as I looked at her in the painting.

She is the girl!

She is the girl Mom is referring to!

He is Dad's friend?

But how did they become friends? Is that why when he saw me it seemed like something was different!

That's why she seems familiar to me! If it's true that she went to Dad's funeral then she saw me. She knew something!

Did she say something to the Vointeroiz?

To Sexira?

But they don't know Asmo that I am the gift of the moon.

They thought it was Layla.

So he didn't really say it?

I'm sure she knew something. She knows me!

Before I could even tell Mom about the painting of Zabellana in our basement, a scream made me shriek.

I immediately got out of the basement.

A group of blood vampires entered our house with no mercy.

I saw how they pushed Mom to the side, making my blood boil.

"You shameless people! What are you doing here? Also here?!" I screamed.

They stopped when they saw me. My eyes squinted trying to look for a familiar face.

"Where is your leader huh?"

I didn't get any answer, instead I got a chair thrown at my face. I manage to throw kitchen utensils at them since it's the only thing closer to me.

I try to shake my hands hoping a free dust or light will come out of it but to my disappointment there's none.

I quickly climbed out of the basement.

I looked for Mom and when I found her lying on the floor tile, I immediately carried her outside of the house.

Thank goodness of this power I can lift her easily. I know that it's not best for us to stay at our home anymore, especially now that the blood vampires are after me. I need to leave her somewhere safe. I know that she wouldn't leave the house even if she is at risk so I need to do it now.

Even if he wasn't allowed, he couldn't do anything. I immediately revived Mom and went to Tito. Fortunately, Alta is not at their house.

I know Tito was surprised to see me in front of his door with mom alive and unconscious. He didn't have sugar or anything, but I knew it fell because of the force of the explosion in the basement.

I couldn't explain to Tito any more. I told her to take care of Mom and take her to the hospital if something serious happens and I will take care of it. Right now I have to sort out this mess.

Those blood vampires can taste me!

I won't let the blood vampire take my Mom away. I already lost Dad because of the moon, I won't lose anyone now.

*******

"No, you will stay here Adra." Asmo said.

"Why? Why should I stay here Asmo? When blood vampires destroyed our house! Dad's house! Am I just going to let them do that?"

"No, but you should think before you do anything. For now you can stay here with Lorcan."

"What about Mom? What if the blood vampires take her too—"

"That won't happen Adra. I won't let that happen. Right now it's more important that you're safe."

"I'm safe on my own Asmo. And I want to go to my Mom. I want to see him. I want to keep her safe from any—"

"You will put her in even more danger Adra. The blood vampires will know where you are from and your mom will be in even more danger. Let Asmo come to your Mom, he will protect her since you can protect yourself. Then you don' I don't need Asmo here." said Lorcan.

"Fine!" I said. That's better than that.

It's been a few minutes since Asmo left, but I can't get out of my mind what the blood vampires did. I'm restless. Even though I'm here at Lorcan's house, I still feel uneasy.

I might be safe but they're not.

What if the blood vampires rushed to Alta's house?

Uncle won't forgive me if that ever happened.

I can't handle it.

I won't forgive myself.

When I was sure that Lorcan was busy, I immediately sped up the action.

I sneaked out of his house to go to Alta's house.

I want to make sure Asmo is doing his job right. Later, Mom, Alta and Tito will be in danger just because of one mistake. I don't want that to happen.

"Please, iho. My heart can't handle losing him too."

I frowned as I looked for where that voice came from. I have arrived at Alta's house. I was just in the yard, about to go to the front when I heard that.

I stopped on my tracks.

Isn't that Mom's voice?

What does he mean? And who is he talking to?

"Please. I'm begging you… they already took his dad from me. I know you won't understand this, I know you won't feel any empathy with me but please leave her. I… I know you can do something about it. If I can erase his memories, I will. You don't know how hard it is to see him like that."

"I know when she finds out who she really is, she won't be able to handle it. I tried to keep it from her but I know this day will come. She's too powerful for herself. If I could undo everything I would. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I don't want to lose him like he lost his father." She said,

Asmo was looking at him as if he was deep in thought.

I wonder what he is thinking. Is he regretting his decision now?

"If I could only erase her memory… I would. So that she would forget all of this. When she was far from harm."

My eyes widened with what she said.

Erase my memory?

Why would Mom want to erase my memory? Why does he want to deny the truth to me?

I know there is a lot of trouble that comes with it but she doesn't have to go this far just to avoid all of these problems. I want to work it out for her. For us so we can live normally without the blood vampires without the need to get rid of my memory.

"I want her to live a normal life. Away from all this crazy stuff her dad is addicted to. If I could only erase her memory… but I can't.",

"I can." Asmo stated with no emotion.

"What?" She asked. Its eyes widened. I saw a glimpse of hope and excitement in her eyes.

"I can erase her memory. She won't remember anything… anything about us… about me." He sighed.

"Really? H-how?" Mom asked.

Why are they talking about it? This is my life. I should be the one making decisions about my life. I know mom doesn't want me to get hurt but pain is part of my life. Pain is a part of me. Dad doesn't die for nothing.

And how can Asmo remove my memory? As far as I know he can't erase my memory. He tried but it didn't go as he planned.

"Would you do it? Can you remove all his memory about the gift of the moon? Can you erase it completely? Like it never happened?"

"Yes—" I cut her off.

"No!" I shouted as I stood up from where I was hiding.

They both looked in my direction. Mom's eyes widened, Asmo looked at my direction but he didn't seem shocked.

"Why do you want to erase my memory Mom? I'm fine." I insisted.

"You are not fine, Adra. You will never be. You'll be with them all your life. Away from us, from Alta your best friend, from your Tito—"

"Away from you Mom?" I asked.

It stopped speaking.

"I won't be away from you Mom. Why do you want to erase my memory? I finally found out the truth about myself. Im not my old sed because I find the true meaning of my life. I found my real identity and you want to take it away from me?" I asked as tears started to pool in my eyes.

"I'm not trying to Adra. Please, I want you to understand—" I cut her off.

"I do Mom. I understand you want to keep me safe but erasing my memory won't change a thing! I will find out no matter what happens! I'm the gift of the moon, Dad give it to me. The moon chose him! The moon knew he was a good person that's why they gifted him. I knew you were suffering for years Mom, I'm with you on that suffering, I was having a crisis with myself. I don't know who I was. There's a lot of missing pieces and now that I lived my own truth I don't want to go back to that life. A clueless life, there's no way to live like that."

I can't live like Mom wants. I am what I am today because of Dad. Because of his sacrifices, I don't want to lose that easily and live as if he didn't sacrifice his life for me. I want to remember all the good things he did. His sacrifices, his love for me, for his only daughter.

"You are in trouble for knowing so much Adra. It's not good for you. It's not good for everyone. It's better for you to forget everything. It's all for your own good." She said as she reached for my hand.

"I want to remember everything. I want to remember Dad, for all the sacrifices he did for me… I want to remember him forever, why would you want to take that away Mom?" My voice croaked. As tears rolled down my eyes.

I saw Alta and Tito come out of the door. Both of them were shocked by what they witnessed.

"This is the only choice I had, Adra. Your dad will forever be in your heart. I'm not taking away the memory of your dad from you. I just want you to forget this… the vampires and the moon. Live a normal life like your father always wanted."

"But I'm not supposed to live a normal life." I said.

"Adra," Asmo called me.

I look at him.

"Your Mom is right, you should forget everything."

"Forget? Even you, wanted me to forget about the truth? Forget the real me?" I asked him furiously.

"Can you hear yourself Asmo?"

"Is that why you want me to forget so that I don't remember your plan for Layla? To make her fall in love because you thought she was the gift of the moon?"

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.

"Is that why you are so eager to erase my memory? So that we can be okay like that? As if everything is gone? Or you don't want me to miss everything so that there is nothing more important than the Vointeroz family? Is that so? Asmo?"

He moved towards me. He cupped my face. "I'm not saying that, Adra. This is the best solution for you now. So you can stay out of harm's way."

I immediately removed his hand from my cheek.

"I'm not in danger! Why do you think I'm in danger? I told you I'm not! I can handle myself. And that is not enough reason to take away the truth from me. You guys need to do better because I won't let you erase my memory!" I hit his chest while tears were running down my cheeks continuously.

"I won't let you! Over my dead body! I won't let you erase any of it! I won't let you take the truth from me. I won't let you remove my memory of my Dad, of my true self!"

He stayed there and let me hit his chest. He didn't do anything. Even Mom stood behind him watching us.

I raised my head and looked at him.

"I won't let you remove my memory of you, Asmo."

"I know what you are planning. This memory wipe doesn't come in handy. I know that you will be removed from my memory. I'm not a fool Asmo. Besides, you can't erase my memory."

"You tried it before but it didn't work." I said confidently.

"It'll work this time, Adra."

"What?" My brows furrowed.

"I'm not trying to erase your memory. I was just trying to read you but I can't. I'm amused by you. There's something different and I don't want to get rid of it right away."

What does he mean?

"What?" I asked.

My eyes widened when Mom knelt in front of Asmo. She reached for his hands.

"Please iho, erase her memory. She's starting to go crazy because of moons power. Sooner or later the moons power will consume her. I don't want that to happen to my Adra. That's not what his father wants." She begged.

I tried to make her stand up but she insisted on kneeling and begging Asmo to remove my memory.

"No, Mom. This is what you want. Not mine. This is my life. Now that I finally got a hold of my life, no one can take it away from me."

Asmo helped Mom stand up. Then he came to me. It held my hand.

"Adra, please listen to your Mom. This is what's best for you," he said.

"Best for me? You don't know what's best for me if you want to remove my memory Asmo and why would you agree with Mom?" I asked.

"Why do you want to remove my memory?"

I don't understand why he wants to erase my memory. Is everything that easy for him? Is it that easy to forget me?

"Is this to stop all of this? Because you regret getting involved with someone like me? So that you won't be harmed by Sexira? Is that so?" I asked. My chest heaved with anger. It's like my chest is going to drop and the heat I feel inside.

He stared into my eyes. I stared at him back. "Adra you don't understand."

"You are the one who doesn't understand Asmo. How hard is it to understand that I don't want to take away my memory. I don't want to forget you. I don't want to forget how much I love you." I cried.

"Why do you want me to forget everything? How can you say that? I forgive you for everything that you did to me. For pushing me away and putting Layla first because you thought she is the gift of the moon and now this? Why can 't you let me have my happiness? My peace? My truth?"

My vision becomes blurry because of the tears running down my cheeks. My knees are weakening because of everything that is happening right in front of my eyes.

"Why do you want to take that truth away from me Asmo?

"It's for your safety Adra." He assured me.

"No it's not!" I screamed at him.

"I will always be here for you."

I pushed him away. "No you are lying!"

"Lies! Again! You are full of lies!" I screamed.

Everything is just a lie. Not everything is true. I knew in my heart that Asmo doesn't want to do this but Mom begged him. But who knows? It might be a lie once again.

All my life I've been living a lie and now that I know the truth they want me to forget all about it, believe a knew lie they present to me. Believe the lies that they told me.

But I don't want to live a life like that.

He cupped my cheeks once again. Tears pooled in his eyes. "This is the best for you Adra. You won't remember anything. You won't remember you are the gift of the moon. You can't use your powers. The blood vampires can't sense you. Sexira can't track you down. You'll be safe. Your mom will be safe. Just like what you wanted."

"I don't want it Asmo. I want to remember you.." I mumbled.

"I want to remember you for the rest of my life. Please, don't do this. I may be safe but I'm alone and in pain without you."

"Listen to me Adra. I'm always with you. I will never leave you. I'll protect you even if you are far. Whenever you need me I'll be there. I'll love you for eternity even if you don't remember me."

"That doesn't even make sense! I want to remember that you love me! Not like that! I want to know that you love me, Asmo."

"I do, Adra. I love you."

I pursed my lips as I shook my head. "Don't do this Asmo, please."

I cup his face. "Don't erase my memory."

"Please..." I begged him.

"Shhh…"

"Everything will be fine Adra."

"Don't erase my memory Asmo, please."

"Please." I pleaded.

My chest tightened. I cried and cried hoping it would change his mind. I stared at him, memorizing every inch of his face, and how it made my inside feel different when I saw him when I found out that I love him. I want to remember that feeling.

I want to remember him…