769 Maybe
A beautiful smile illuminated Neph's face, making her look much softer and younger than she usually seemed. In all the time they knew each other, Sunny had only seen her smile a few times, and every time he did, a hint of regret brushed against his heart. It was a shame, for such a brilliant smile to appear so seldom…
Maybe in her dreams, Changing Star allowed herself to show it more often.
Looking at the reception desk serving as her cover, he tried to make his voice sound calm and asked:
"What are you doing here?"
Nephis lingered for a moment, and then looked down.
"...Hiding."
Sunny raised an eyebrow.
"From what?"
Her voice grew quiet as she answered, still looking at the ground:
"Bad people."
He sighed.
It seemed that the memory this nightmare had spawned from belonged to a much younger Nephis. Something similar must have happened to her when she was a kid… and so, although Changing Star looked like her adult self, she was simultaneously a child. That meant that she was not supposed to have any memory of meeting and getting to know Sunny, and yet, she did.
Dreams were strange that way. All kinds of contradictions could exist within them, merging things that could not coexist in reality.
Sunny lowered himself to the ground and sat next to Neph, leaning on the surface of the desk beside her. He remained silent for a while, and then said with a reassuring smile:
"Well… don't be afraid. I'll hide here with you. I am very good at hiding, you know. If bad people come, they will never see us."
Nephis slowly shook her head.
"I don't know…"
Sunny crossed his arms.
"And if they do see us, I'll deal with them. I am very good at dealing with things, as well."
She did not move for a long time, and then suddenly said:
"This is a dream, isn't it?"
He almost flinched, and then tried very hard to suppress a curse. That question was… extremely startling.
Well, what else did he expect? This was Nephis, after all. Even the Awakened Terror of her First Nightmare had failed to contain her within a dream.
Regaining his composure, Sunny simply nodded. Nephis sighed.
"It is too nice to be real. Strange… I haven't dreamt in a long, long time."
Slowly, the space between them started to change. It flowed, transforming into something different. The darkness was dispelled by the radiance of an incandescent sun. The cold waters receded, making way for pristine white sand. Above them, there was now a boundless azure sky. Sunny felt an unbearable heat assault his skin.
A few moments later, they were surrounded by a vast, scorching desert.
Instead of a modern desk, their backs were against the trunk of a tall tree. Its bark was as white as the pristine sand, and its leaves were scarlet. Tens of thousands of skulls hung from the beautiful branches, fastened to them by glistening threads of black silk.
More disturbingly, two human figures were cruelly nailed to the tree, hanging from it like prisoners. One of them was a man with black hair, dressed in dark clothes. The other was a woman in white, her hair glistening like silver. From where he sat, Sunny could not see their faces.
…Perhaps that was for the best.
He opened his mouth, but then froze, realizing that he did not know what to say.
There was too much. Too much he wanted to tell her, too much he wanted to ask her. There were matters they had to discuss that had to do with their future, the great clans, the Sovereigns. There were matters they had to discuss that had to do with their past, the decisions they had made, the mistakes that had been committed.
There were his emotions, as well. His resentment, his anger, his pain, his joy, his glee.
There were her emotions, as well…
All of this was so immense. Sunny was much older now than when they had first met… even though only three years passed, those years contained lifetimes of bitter lessons he had learned. He had never been good with complicated feelings, and although he did make some progress on that front, Sunny was still far from being adept in these matters.
So what was he supposed to say?
He remained silent for a while. Then, finally, he looked at her and said the only thing that came to his mind.
The most truthful one.
"I missed you."
Nephis smiled, and looked at him as well.
"...I missed you, too."
Sunny let out a heavy sigh, and slumped a little, full of strange relief.
A moment later, however, his face turned dark and ugly.
Gritting his teeth, he glared at her and spat:
"If you really missed me… then why the hell had you left me behind?!"
Neph's smile slowly dimmed. A few moments later, she looked away and sighed.
"Because it was the better choice."
Sunny clenched his fists.
"Who the hell do you think you are?! Who asked for your righteousness?! Do you even know what you took from me?! Who gave you the right to make that choice for me?!"
Changing Star looked down and remained silent for a bit. Then, she said:
"But I did not make it for you. I made it for me."
She studied the white desert for a while, and then sighed.
"If you remained with me… yes, maybe, we would have been stronger together. Maybe we would have grown faster together. Maybe we would have been better... together. Maybe we would have survived. But what were the chances of that? Unlike me, you can't heal yourself from terrible wounds. Your soul is not infused with the Fire. Maybe, you would have just died."
Nephis looked at him, soft sparks igniting in her grey eyes.
"That was too many maybes, Sunny. I had to have the worst outcome in mind. So I made the decision that did not risk your life. But… make no mistake — it was not for you. It was for me. It was not that I did not want you to die, it was that I wanted to spare myself from having to watch you die. I had to protect myself, too."
She stared at the white sand, and whispered:
"I buried too many people, Sunny. I deserved the right to be selfish. Even if it did you harm…"
He stared at her with a dark expression, then spat:
"Why do you even care whether I live or die?!"
Nephis looked at him and smiled. The wind moved her silver hair, making it dance.
Then, she shrugged and said in an even tone:
"Because I do."
