32. Sinful Book 1

I had to sit tight-legged throughout the morning, because every time I separated my legs, I felt ice cold water dripping down my legs, followed by Antonio’s warm hands. It was like I was reliving the night; I had never had anything like that, ever! Antonio really knew what to do and how to do it, it shocked me all the damn time; like where on earth did he learn all that stuff?

“Hey, you good?” Melissa peeped into my office to ask.

“Yeah, why?” I asked her, as it was weird she was asking that especially when she never did.

“Nothing, you look uncomfortable but oddly bright” she said and I shook my head. What the fuck did oddly bright mean? Maybe it was sex glow?

“You’re crazy, go work” I dismissed her.

“Well, I did come here for a reason. I think his name is Noah? You know, your lunch buddy; he’s outside the building” she said and my eyes popped. So, he finally wanted to talk.

“Okay, I’ll be right back” I told her, but I took my sweet time clearing my desk, which I didn’t have to do, I just wanted to waste his time.

When I finally got out, I saw him standing there in all he’s hotness; he had a navy blue suit on, and he sure looked good in it.

“Hey” I hailed, when he saw me.

“Hey, I wasn’t sure you were going to come out” he said and I smiled.

“I didn’t want to” he smiled back at me.

“Look, that morning was a mistake, I wasn’t thinking clearly” he started.

“Well, clearly” I added and he laughed.

“I’ve missed having lunch with you” I told him. His smile faltered a little bit, I noticed because I was watching him.

“That’s all? I’m hurt” he put his hands on his chest, feigning hurt.

“I missed you,” he said to me.

“I missed you so much that I realized that I don’t want to be friends with you” he let out. Well that was sad, I really liked being friends with him.

“No I mean, I don’t want to be friends with you. I want more; and being friends with you would mess me up” he confessed. I didn’t know what to say to him, I didn’t know how to tell him I wasn’t available, emotionally or even physically.

“I know you have something with Antonio, and I don’t want to know what it is, just... when you’re ready to have a real relationship, with someone who will cherish you and make you feel like the queen you truly are, then give me a call; but until then, I don’t want to have to see you and force a smile on my face” he said. I looked down at my fingers, he was offering what I wanted, but at the wrong time. I didn’t want to be swayed by his words and then get selfish, wanting him and Antonio at the same time. He didn’t deserve that.

“I’ll keep that in mind” I chose my words carefully.

“Okay then, so no lunch buddy for you. I don’t want to see you until you’re ready to be with me” he added and I nodded my head. I didn’t know where my contract with Antonio was going, and I know I said I wanted a relationship that Antonio couldn’t give, and it was right in front of me, but I couldn’t take the offer; at least not now.

Noah was sweet and everything every lady would need in a man, but I was spoiled, Antonio spoiled me, and especially after last night, I didn’t know how else to live my life.

I talked about how Antonio used the emotional bond, but I think he got me hooked with a physical bond, because not only could I not stop thinking about what he did to me with ice, I couldn’t help but think Noah wouldn’t measure up, and that was one of the worst ways to think about someone you probably would want to have a relationship with. Antonio knee what he was doing, he knew what he did to me, and I may be stupid for saying this but, I’d let him do it again and again if I was going to feel the things I felt last night.

“I don’t know what would happen, and I’m actually really sorry for leading you on that day, but my mind is in a lot of places right now. I can’t guarantee you anything” I told him and he nodded.

“You’re a great guy Noah, and you deserve an equally great girl” I started but he shook his head.

“No, don’t do that. Don’t tell me I deserve better or I shouldn’t like you because you don’t think you’re perfect for me” he said and I sighed.

“I like you so much, and that’s on me, that’s how I feel and I don’t know if it’s going to change anytime soon, so don’t try to make shit out of my feelings for you” he said and I nodded. Like he said, his feelings for me were on him, like how my feelings for Antonio was on me; I couldn’t help it, so I perfectly understood where Noah was coming from.

“I do hope we make something out of my feelings for you, because I’d hate to lose them before having something with you” he said and I smiled. It wasn’t his nicest words, but I deserved that one.

“Is he giving you a hard time?” I asked him.

“He’s always giving everyone a hard time, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. He’s an angry man, but he’ll be fine” Noah said and I laughed, nodding my head. Antonio was really an angry man, and I hoped he’d be fine too.

“Okay, well I’ll see you whenever. I’ve relayed my message” Noah said.

“You should go get lunch you know,” he added.

“It’s not lunch without my lunch buddy” I said and he laughed, but he hailed a cab and left me standing outside my office building like I just got

stood up by my date.