Chapter 43

Manik rang twice. Nandani did not answer both the time, and he did not leave a message. Half of her hoped he would just so that she could hear his voice. But falling for a guy and getting her heart broken was the exact reason that she had set out to avoid guys like the plague that year. Any subsequent fallout was her own damn fault.

She forced herself to get things together and take stock. She had the interview/ meeting in the pipeline for her but did not know if she had a partner anymore. Their relationship was so severely impaired it made perfect sense if Mukti did not trust her again. And as much as she hated to admit it, everything with Manik had completely shaken her. She had let herself care more than she ever thought she would. That was going to take a while to fix. And she did not even know how to go about starting it.

She would start by throwing herself into magazine work for the rest of her trip. No more week off. Though the offices were closed the next day for Christmas Eve, she took her work to a coffee shop and continued until they kicked her out at five. She sent a record of eight emails only to receive an automated out-of-office response to each one because apparently, no one else was working.

Christmas morning it snowed. It had to be a sign of better things to come. She got a coffee and sat on the porch, watching families and couples skating in the snow. Then she went back inside and made herself pancakes from a box in her hotel room and put on some festive music before resuming to update the client's lists for the March issue of the magazine.

It was surely pitiful, but keeping busy helped her avoid thinking about her life.

Her mom and stepfather skype called her around noon. "Merry Christmas, Nandani. We have your gift here, you will need to pick it up sometime." Her stepfather and step-sister shared their holiday wishes too.

"Merry Christmas," Nandani added after a beat. As much as she never loved these forced family reunions, her heart was not in it this time. Her mom had probably sensed it.

"Karan, Sarah, why don't you go check on breakfast?" Mom said to her husband and daughter. They then walked out of the room.

"Nandani, something is wrong," her mother asked her. Nandani guessed that crying for several days straight took a toll. No amount of makeup or toner could fix that puffiness. "How did the interview go?" her mother asked Nandani.

"It was great," Nandani started lying before her brain even caught up. When she did, it was obvious that this was a silly reaction. After everything that happened, what did it matter what her mom thought? She viewed Nandani as a failure and a cause of grief. But that was not going to change, and she was thousands of miles away.

Suddenly her non-relationship with her mom felt like the least of her problems.

"You know, Mom, I missed the interview. I just did not show up at all. Because I was out with a guy, actually. The good news is that I am a failure, just like you always thought."

Mom looked as if she had swallowed a jar full of whole chilies. "Nandani, I never said you were a failure."

"You did. For years. And guess what, you were right. Now Mukti is not talking to me, I messed up my career, and... well. Basically, my whole life collapsed in about forty-eight hours. You might find this hard to actually believe, but things were really going pretty well until a week ago."

Mom then started to protest and Nandani stopped her. "Please don't. Not today. I cannot take the disappointing remarks. Can you just hold it for a while? You can let it all out next week," she said to her mother.

Her mother paused for a moment as if trying to absorb all of this information. Her brow furrowed. "Nandani, I have no idea where all this is coming from. But why don't you come home for a little while before you head back to school."

Nandani opened her mouth to say no but was surprised to realize part of her wanted to. As bad as it might be there, but it could not be worse than the way she was feeling right then. "Alright," she said in a small voice.

The next day she was back to work at the magazine. She worked her rear off, needing to prove herself and trying not to contemplate how everyone she cared about had either betrayed her or been betrayed by her. New Year's Eve in New York without Mukti was pointless, so she stayed in her hotel room. After an intolerable two weeks, Nandani was ready to go home.

Mom, her stepfather Karan, and Sarah her step-sister all picked her up at San Francisco airport. It was not the warmest family reunion. But her mom did not mention her outburst and it was appreciated.

Nandani was not sure what to do with herself for a week. The business plan was done, but she did not even know if it had all been for nothing if Mukti did not forgive her. So the first two days were spent acclimatizing to the new house, helping Mom choose colors and accessories for the new spare room; which was hers by default while she visited; and looking up her courses for next semester.

The third day back, Mom approached her to talk. For some reason, Manik's words about family echoed in her head. So she tried.

"I do not know why our relationship is so strained, Nandani. You never call, never come home," her mother said.

"It is hard. Ever since Dad left you have blamed me. You do not want me here," Nandani answered.

Her mother looked at her like she had slapped her. "That is untrue, Nandani."

Nandani was tired, of all of it. "It is true. For years you acted like it was my fault that he left. And it is not okay. But it is what it is."

This seemed to set her mother back for a minute. "I just want you to be successful, Nandani. I do not want you to regret your choices."

Nandani sighed. "Sure, Mom." She tried to put the words together. "This label, with Mukti; I want it more than I have ever wanted anything. I can understand if you do not support it, but please do not try to get in my way." There were already too many people doing that. "I need this."

Her mom looked at her like she was trying to understand, but Nandani could see that she did not. Nandani did not fit into her neat and tidy world. So her mother stood up and walked to the door, gently closing it behind her.